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Crazy Cat Lady needs help

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In August 2017, I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure  EF 20.  The doctors talked of surgery, transplant, diffibulator, and many, many medications that I would be on for the rest of my life.
At 62,  I'd seen that 'sorry' look before when I was 38 and diagnosed with stage IV metastatic breast cancer-which I still battle today. I had all the chemo, radiation and BMT treatments you could have, including broken femur and hip with rods. But I persisted, being the stubborn, independent, single woman I am.  And I've physically pulled myself through it all again. Realistically, I'm getting tired, old and worn out. I've always tried to put my health first by taking care of myself, following drs orders, exercise, diet and exploring alternative treatments. You can be positive all day, but the reality is your health is always an obstacle. As Bruce sings, ' One step up, two steps back."  I've used every single asset I have. All savings, condo, car. I live in affordable housing, and use SNAP. This is where my life is. I'm drawing the line at homelessness.

I don't remember much of August through March.
Heart failure will do that.
I decided I wanted to let go. After all these years I'd had enough and had given up hope.

Hope.

The most important word in any language.
Then I received an Easter card from a friend, who has gone through much, telling me how Easter is her favorite holiday, renewal and all. I went for a walk. I heard the birds. 'It's not how many times you're knocked down, it's how many times you get up." I'm deciding to get up, hoping unknown strangers will give me a chance

I had this jewelry I was saving for my son, and I want to use it in the Reward Levels .  I bought it at my One,  five and ten year anniversaries from cancer. I'm now a 23 year stage IV metastatic BC survivor. Unheard of!!!! But what a good use for it, to give hope to another and give me more time. 
The other little pieces I did with acupuncture needles and pieces of herbs I use in tea. The piece de resistance is the acupuncture needle pin cushion.  My acupuncturist has me leave the needles in my head overnight for added benefits. It has very good juju!
Its incredibly hard to write this. It's hard to read. It's the saddest thing I have ever done.  I successfully raised a son, took care of my mom, worked, obtained a graduate degree, helped start a retreat for women w/ later stage cancers and lived through it all. 
What I ask is to finish this chapter with dignity, grace and a little hope left in the coffers. 

Please feel free to ask any questions. 


PS I volunteered for the ACS for six years, was one of the founders for, "Spa for the Spirit," a three day mountain retreat for women with stage IV BC in Colorado (1997-2002) . MA in Counseling, mainly working with foster children. A CASA volunteer.
Thank youSmall Pin print
Large Pin print
Year 1.  Pierced Earrings 14mm White Australian South Sea Pearl Green and Pink Undertones. 
Year 5.   Pierced Tahitian Black Pearl Earrings  9.5mm   1/3k diamonds each
Year 10.   Tahitian Black Pearl Necklace 15mm Perfect Black Pearl 1/2k Solitare Diamond on a David Yurman 32" chain

Organizer

Cinthia Belle
Organizer
Boulder, CO

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