Beginning in 2017, I started traveling to Brasil to try and find out more about who I am, where I came from, and the journey I took to get here to America.  My first trip to Brasil consisted of spending a few days in Rio de Janeiro, which I enjoyed as I was able get out on my own to explore the city.
The days quickly turned into hours and moments as I soon prepared to depart for São Paulo. As I boarded the plane I became nervous at the thought of visiting the orphanage I tried to imagine what it would be like and would it be anything like the orphanage I lived in as a young child.

A few days after arriving in São Paulo
I met two amazing women that helped me get everything set up and connected with Casa Limiar Orphanage. They took me to a Brasilian traditional restaurant and introduced me to a dish called Moqueca, an amazing fish stew.  Throughout the meal I continued to wonder, “how will these kids react to me and will they understand my story.”

Once lunch was completed , the next task was to get the Christmas gifts and surprises for the children.  Since I hadn’t considered GoFundMe on my first trip, I had saved up as much of my own money as possible in order to buy presents and treats to give to the kids.  With the money I had saved I was able to buy a trampoline for all to enjoy, along with individual gifts and candy for each child.

This first trip was full of emotions, nerves, and curiosities. I wasn't sure how my life would change, but I knew deep down that it would. At the same time, I hoped that I too could help change the life of others, even if it was only one person. My goal wasn't to show how many presents I could buy, or give them enough candy to make them rush around for hours, but instead to see their smiles and the excitement and joy in their faces.  Their reactions strengthened my belief that by small and simple things, the compassion we show towards others truly can change lives, and, if only for a moment, can bring happiness and an escape from the weight of the world.   

From the moment I walked through that gate I saw children running and smiling. I saw the house that they live in and realized it was beautiful as it provided safety and comfort to the children there. I met the staff and came to the conclusion that they are more of a family then they are coworkers and caregivers.We spent a good portion of the day with the kids, helping to build the trampoline and seeing them just scurry around opening presents and showing them off to each other.

All this caused me reflect on the time I lived in an orphanage in Brasil. My time in an orphanage seemed so much different and so scary to me.  I was scared of everything around me and I always wanted to be inside, away from the monsters the other kids made up that I thought were real.

In this moment everything I worried about in my life stopped and closed the doors to the outside reality. I was overcome with joy and tears of happiness. I soon met the house mom Luiza.  We connected immediately and just started tearing up about our past and that we had both come from the same orphanage and had experienced some of the same hardships. She became my sister and insisted that I stay with her next time I visited.

As I left the orphanage that day I was comforted by how much love I felt within those walls. In some way I feel tied to these kids and would enjoy nothing more than to see them grow and become amazing adults, unfortunately, however, thats not always how life turns out for these children. Sometimes we have to face the reality of life and know that the path God has for them isn't always what we want, but we must believe that their path will have an impact on this world and on us as individuals.

I was so amazed by these children that after I returned home from this trip I immediately started planning a return visit.

I returned to the orphanage again in 2018 and 2019 and had some of the most emotionally moving experiences of my life.  I was told that in life we have to experience others situations before we can sometimes get a clearer picture of who we are and where we are going in life. These trips definitely did that for me.

While in Brasil i felt this emotional pull tugging at me. On my trip in 2019 there was a new staff member that had helped find lost families. She got my information and started doing what she does best.

A few days later we took a trip to the beach with the kids. I was sitting alone,  enjoying the sun as well as the water coming in and out surrounding me. I felt like God was connecting with me and releasing my pain and sadness. Sue and Luiza approached me and said, “he looks like you and she looks like you.”  I was in a state of confusion.  At that moment I realized what they were saying and a flood of emotions ran over me. They had found my mother and my brothers. For a while I was silent, motionless, and didn’t know where or who I was. I felt lost.

After all this time I now finally know who my mother and brothers are and I know a good portion of my story.  I believe it was God's work to see this happen while I was there, while I was with the children.

As I reflect on my life and the opportunity I had to spend getting to know these kids, I’m thankful for their examples of kindness, giving, and love.

I’m grateful everyday that my life was saved by some amazing parents, but deep in my heart I knew the love my birth mother had for me too, as I had the same love for her. I love both my parents deeply, but God gives us room to love so much more.

The reason I continue to help the children is because I feel they are a part of me and I am a part of them. I want them to have an amazing life as much as possible for the moment they live in. Due to Covid-19 restrictions I was unable to travel to Brasil this year but I hope that I can raise some money to send to the orphanage there so they can get some toys, candy and anything else that they may need to keep them going.

Thank you for reading about my experiences and I am so thankful for any amount you are able to donate.
 

Meeting the two amazing women Mity and Kristy while having lunch. 2017

First time meeting Luiza my now called "sister" 2017


When we went to the beach....

This is the house that was turned into an orphanage that turned into a home. 

Meeting my mom for the first time 12/2019

Me in the government instituted orphanage with Nancy Cameron ( Founder Casa Limiar) 

"Hope, Love & Faith" 2018