We are going to be miserable

Our a**hole coworkers invited us to their wedding…in Africa. 

So our coworkers are getting married in the bride-to-be’s native South Africa in February.  When we heard that this was going down -- and that we were going to be invited -- we were all prepared to politely decline - citing the time, distance, and cost it would require.

 

Don’t get us wrong: we would love to go to Africa – it’s a once in a lifetime trip. We know that. But who wants to go on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation with people from work? I don’t know about you, but we don’t.  We’d rather wait and take such a trip with loved ones, and perhaps more pertinently, when we can afford such a trip.

 

But that was thrown out the window when they asked some of us to be in the wedding party.  So now, we have to go.

 

So why the GoFundMe? They say a wedding ring should cost three months of salary. Simply attending this wedding will cost us more than two of ours.  We need your help to get there – but, to prove just how begrudgingly we are going, and to show just how little fun we are having on this once-in-a-lifetime vacation, here is what a small donation will get you:

 

·         For a $5 donation, we will send you a picture of how miserable we are at some point during the trip. (The picture could come, for example, from hour 14 of our 16 hour flight in coach that costs north of $2000, or from our dingy accommodations because we couldn’t afford nice ones.)

·         For a $10 donation, ​we will visit Cape Town’s famous Boulder’s Beach where we will unofficially name one of the thousands of resident jackass penguins after you, take a picture of it, and send it to you.

·         For a $15 donation we will send you a postcard with a heartfelt message describing how little fun we are having. (we are there 11 days, you pick the day you want it sent)  

·         For a $20 donation,​ you will be toasted at a ceremony (made into a Vine for $40).

·         For a $25 donation you can choose which of the 12 bridesmaid dresses that Stephanie has to repurpose for an outing on the trip.  

·         For a $45 donation we will send you an authentic* South African vuvuzela like the ones seen in the 2010 World Cup​ (authentic to the degree that it will be purchased in South Africa). 

·         For a $50 donation we’ll object to the marriage on your behalf when asked during a ceremony (made into a Vine for $100).

·          For a $99 donation, we will bring back 2 bottles of South African wine from our trip. As much as we are going to be drinking on this trip we should be experts. 

·         For a $150 donation we’ll bring you back a centerpiece from the wedding (limited availability, first come first serve)

·         For a $250 donation one of us will swim with sharks and even attempt a shark selfie if they happen to show up. 

·         For a $500 donation – Mo, who has to also become ordained for this because he is officiating, can officiate your wedding/baptism/funeral under jurisdictions covered by the Internet Academy from which he graduated.

·         If we raise our fundraising goal of $10,000 everyone can revel in our terror as we will embark an ill-equipped, unlicensed safari that we will tape and post here.