Finding a Silver Lining
Donation protected
My name is Kathryn. I am a USAF Veteran and working mother of 2 boys. Alex is 5 and Andrew is 3 and I love them more than anything else in the whole world.
I’ve only recently realized that a happy and fulfilling life is not only determined by what fills it but what does not.
Bad things happen to good people. We all know this. We have all experienced deceit, loss and failure in spite of our best intentions and efforts. The fact is, we may have little to no control over the actions of others, we do (as adults) have a choice, if and how we let the actions of others affect us.
Long story short, I did not ask or expect to become the wife of an addict. I thought I was living the American dream when I was blindsided. He said I was his everything and he threw me and my children’s lives in the trash for some pills. I had to put the house on the market because “we” couldn’t make ends meet. I promised to stand by in sickness, in health, in good times and bad. And I have. I have given everything and everything is gone. I’ve worked, tried and stretched myself to the point of breaking.
The inner struggle in the last few years has been absolute torture. I have asked myself why I would let someone take advantage of me and manipulate me. I would think about or vows of marriage and wonder if I was a horrible person for wanting to give up on someone in their darkest hour. There are so many ways this has made me doubt myself and question what I once believed was good within me.
I have been a loyal and supportive wife throughout this and I have discovered that the man that lies beneath, is someone that I truly do not like.
Someone recently asked me what would happen if he got his life together. My response was this “I cannot un-see the selfish and manipulative man that lies at true core of his being. Knowing what I know now, I do not and would not, ever want back the life that we once had.”
So, that is why I am here. Putting aside my pride and asking if you would help me to start over.
I am currently living at the opposite end of the house as my husband. I’ve been renting a little house for over a year after I had to sell ours because of his addiction and rehab. We share no bills or accounts since I sold the house. I’ve been putting every penny I can toward paying off enough of my bills to be able to financially support myself and my boys on my own.
When I first discovered my husband’s drug problem I had to take out a $20,000 personal loan to pay all of the bills he had neglected to pay (we were 2 months late on every bill we had and about to be 3) and have money to get him into rehab. After selling the house, I have managed to pay off two large bills and I have recently received some help financially from some of my family, to put a large sum towards my personal loan. I need approximately $5000 more to pay it off and I will be able to support myself and my boys on my own.
My children’s happiness and wellbeing are a priority over mine but I know that my own happiness is reflected into their lives. I want them to know my laughter and see my smile, in each and every day, without hesitation and without filter. I want to move on with my life, let go of the anger and frustration of loss and empty promises.
I would gratefully and graciously accept help from those who can. Until then, I will continue to pay off my bills as best I can and hope that I can keep smiling and not lose sight of the silver lining. Perhaps with a little help, perspective or inspiration from others, I can find my footing and the ability to view life as a beautiful adventure once again.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story. If you cannot or chose not to donate I understand whole heartedly and I wish you much happiness in your own life.
Much love and appreciation.
Kathryn “Karrie” Peebles
I’ve only recently realized that a happy and fulfilling life is not only determined by what fills it but what does not.
Bad things happen to good people. We all know this. We have all experienced deceit, loss and failure in spite of our best intentions and efforts. The fact is, we may have little to no control over the actions of others, we do (as adults) have a choice, if and how we let the actions of others affect us.
Long story short, I did not ask or expect to become the wife of an addict. I thought I was living the American dream when I was blindsided. He said I was his everything and he threw me and my children’s lives in the trash for some pills. I had to put the house on the market because “we” couldn’t make ends meet. I promised to stand by in sickness, in health, in good times and bad. And I have. I have given everything and everything is gone. I’ve worked, tried and stretched myself to the point of breaking.
The inner struggle in the last few years has been absolute torture. I have asked myself why I would let someone take advantage of me and manipulate me. I would think about or vows of marriage and wonder if I was a horrible person for wanting to give up on someone in their darkest hour. There are so many ways this has made me doubt myself and question what I once believed was good within me.
I have been a loyal and supportive wife throughout this and I have discovered that the man that lies beneath, is someone that I truly do not like.
Someone recently asked me what would happen if he got his life together. My response was this “I cannot un-see the selfish and manipulative man that lies at true core of his being. Knowing what I know now, I do not and would not, ever want back the life that we once had.”
So, that is why I am here. Putting aside my pride and asking if you would help me to start over.
I am currently living at the opposite end of the house as my husband. I’ve been renting a little house for over a year after I had to sell ours because of his addiction and rehab. We share no bills or accounts since I sold the house. I’ve been putting every penny I can toward paying off enough of my bills to be able to financially support myself and my boys on my own.
When I first discovered my husband’s drug problem I had to take out a $20,000 personal loan to pay all of the bills he had neglected to pay (we were 2 months late on every bill we had and about to be 3) and have money to get him into rehab. After selling the house, I have managed to pay off two large bills and I have recently received some help financially from some of my family, to put a large sum towards my personal loan. I need approximately $5000 more to pay it off and I will be able to support myself and my boys on my own.
My children’s happiness and wellbeing are a priority over mine but I know that my own happiness is reflected into their lives. I want them to know my laughter and see my smile, in each and every day, without hesitation and without filter. I want to move on with my life, let go of the anger and frustration of loss and empty promises.
I would gratefully and graciously accept help from those who can. Until then, I will continue to pay off my bills as best I can and hope that I can keep smiling and not lose sight of the silver lining. Perhaps with a little help, perspective or inspiration from others, I can find my footing and the ability to view life as a beautiful adventure once again.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story. If you cannot or chose not to donate I understand whole heartedly and I wish you much happiness in your own life.
Much love and appreciation.
Kathryn “Karrie” Peebles
Organizer
Karrie Shobe Peebles
Organizer
Jacksonville, AR
