5 Kids-NO Birth Certificates or SS#
Donation protected
NO MORE ABUSE
My story is long and complicated. Almost unbelieveable as it is so truly incredible. Although it feels like I am alone, I'm sure there are other people out there with situations like mine. I so wish I could help them. I know how it feels first-hand. Unfortunately, I can't help right now. Right now...I need to ask for help.
Homebirthed. Homeschooled. Sheltered. Isolated. Abused. Now transitioning into a new life with hope for the future.
In the photos are my five minor children.
All my children were born at home. The last five were born "unassisted" (no midwife, no hospital) and were never registered with the state.
They have...
NO BIRTH CERTIFICATES and
NO SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBERS.
To move on with our new lives, birth certificates are of the utmost importance. There are so many things that require them.
AN EXPLANATION, IF POSSIBLE
I am married to an extreme narcissist . Essentially, an emotional Hitler, he has exhibited every single behavior on that list. Especially in the last five or so years as he became worse.
After twelve children (yes, twelve) and thirty-two years of marriage, having more recently come to a fuller understanding of the emotional state and future prospect of success and happiness for my children, I could not let the situation continue. I used to believe that I was simply doing my "duty as a good wife". I now realize how wrong I was and that I do have the right to do something about the harm that was being done to all the family. This was the hardest decision that I have ever made. I did it for the good of my entire family.
LIFE GOES ON...
Six months ago I separated my children and myself from the effects of a husband/father with a plethora of psychological problems, including, first and foremost, Narcissitic Personality Disorder / Dark Triad . People with this condition have a complete and total lack of empathy for others and seemingly no conscience whatsoever. Manipulation through emotional abuse is their area of expertise. They invalidate everyone around them and use them for the sole purpose of what they can get from the situation/relationship. Although I tried and tried to reason with him, my husband will not seek professional help. He just moved farther away from us and does not support us in any way, shape or form.
Trying to acquire birth certificates/social security for my children has consumed my life for the last six months. The red tape feels like it's about to choke the life out of me and my children are still suffering from the effects of their past treatment. We are essentially unable to move forward with our lives.
I can't get assistance, medicaid or child support without birth certificates. They can't be enrolled in the school that they were offered spots in because they have no birth certificates. My sixteen-year-old son can't get a job or driver's license because he has no birth certificate. The local Department of Social Services actually said, "Basically, your children don't exist."
This heartbroken mother says...actually, they do.
But how do I prove it?
ROADBLOCKS AT EVERY TURN
The fact that the children were born in a different state than the one where we are currently residing is just one of the difficulties of getting their birth certificates.
The legal process for obtaining the birth certificates goes like this...
- First, request a copy of the original birth certificate. (No, it doesn't matter that you know there is no record because the births were never registered at all. You still have to do this step.)
- Next, the Department of Vital Records for the state does a "search" and (Surprise!) doesn't find a record.
- Then, the state sends a "Letter of No-Find". Along with the letter they include a form for filing a "Delayed Birth Certificate".
- The form includes instructions and the examples of acceptable "proofs" for establishing the facts of birth. Unfortunately, I basically have none of the types in the list being that the children were homebirthed (unassisted by a midwife or medical professional), homeschooled (and therefore not registered for public school or immunized, etc.), did not attend a church, get officially baptized, etc.
Another problem is that the form states that the documents I submit should be "at least five years old."
I have been advised (by the legal aid service) that the next step for my situation is to go ahead and (futily) file the "Delayed Birth Certificate" and then give them a copy of each when I get the "rejections".
I have been attempting (with no success so far) to find out what "proofs" the judge will even accept to establish my children's existence.
I spoke again to the woman at Vital Records and she was systmatically rejecting each "proof" I listed that I do have...old photos, emails from friends mentioning the births, a notarized affidavit I got about two months ago from someone who has known me since the birth of the oldest. Even my own records from personal hospital visits since 2001 (all 75 pages) in which I found mention of the children, won't count.
PLEASE HAVE MERCY
After I get the "rejection" letters I am told I will need to petition a court for the purpose of hopefully pursuading a judge to establish a record of birth for each of the children. I have also been receiving conflicting information as to where exactly this petition needs to be filed. It may be that I will have to travel (with the five children) to their birth state to get the process completed. With all that has happened no one is looking forward to that. No one wants to leave this beautiful place we've come to, just to continue struggling to clean up the absolute mess that my husband has made of our lives.
Very frustratingly, I am currently not employed and have no income. The home business that I was running for the last nine years was completely devasted at the time of our "rescue". My credit card is maxed out. Bills continue to pile up. The children still need more medical/dental attention. I can't get child care because I don't have a job and, the rub, I can't get a job because I don't have child care.
In addition to this, my daughter (whom I hadn't seen in nine years) arrived six weeks ago with her five children and have been living with us in the house that has been graciously provided by my pastor and his wife (out of their own pocket, not church funds) until the end of next month. It's time for us to move on somehow. He was already planning to sell the house before we arrived, and now they could really use the money. Saying they have done so much for me is the ultimate understatement.
I never imagined my life would come to such a place as this. The stress is physically painful. Being in need is, to me, a very uncomfortable place. Very humbling.
For the present, our most pressing needs are financial.
There's so much more. But, for now, I will leave it at this. If you have read this far I am more grateful that I can express to you. "Murphy's Law" is my daily reality, as it is, I'm sure, for many of you out there. I think often about how blessed I am and know that so many people have it much worse than I do. I'm so grateful that my children and I are out of the miserable situation we were in. Some day, when I am able, I want to help others in the way that so many kind souls have helped my family. Although I could never thank them enough.
ALWAYS STAYING HOPEFUL
If you can't contribute, that's perfectly fine. Please pray for us. That counts too. I absolutely know that everything will work out for the best. It's just getting from here to there that's the hard part.
Please know, lonely, frustrated wife out there, struggling to be a good mother and feeling desperate and all alone, I think about you and pray for your strength and wisdom to make the choices you need to survive, thrive and protect your children's hearts. You have value. You will be okay.
YOU ARE LOVED.
"Mama, I understand perfectly why we're here in this place. I just want to try to be happy and move on with my life." ~Noah (Age 9)
___________________________________________________________
My story is long and complicated. Almost unbelieveable as it is so truly incredible. Although it feels like I am alone, I'm sure there are other people out there with situations like mine. I so wish I could help them. I know how it feels first-hand. Unfortunately, I can't help right now. Right now...I need to ask for help.
Homebirthed. Homeschooled. Sheltered. Isolated. Abused. Now transitioning into a new life with hope for the future.
In the photos are my five minor children.
All my children were born at home. The last five were born "unassisted" (no midwife, no hospital) and were never registered with the state.
They have...
NO BIRTH CERTIFICATES and
NO SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBERS.
To move on with our new lives, birth certificates are of the utmost importance. There are so many things that require them.
AN EXPLANATION, IF POSSIBLE
I am married to an extreme narcissist . Essentially, an emotional Hitler, he has exhibited every single behavior on that list. Especially in the last five or so years as he became worse.
After twelve children (yes, twelve) and thirty-two years of marriage, having more recently come to a fuller understanding of the emotional state and future prospect of success and happiness for my children, I could not let the situation continue. I used to believe that I was simply doing my "duty as a good wife". I now realize how wrong I was and that I do have the right to do something about the harm that was being done to all the family. This was the hardest decision that I have ever made. I did it for the good of my entire family.
LIFE GOES ON...
Six months ago I separated my children and myself from the effects of a husband/father with a plethora of psychological problems, including, first and foremost, Narcissitic Personality Disorder / Dark Triad . People with this condition have a complete and total lack of empathy for others and seemingly no conscience whatsoever. Manipulation through emotional abuse is their area of expertise. They invalidate everyone around them and use them for the sole purpose of what they can get from the situation/relationship. Although I tried and tried to reason with him, my husband will not seek professional help. He just moved farther away from us and does not support us in any way, shape or form.
Trying to acquire birth certificates/social security for my children has consumed my life for the last six months. The red tape feels like it's about to choke the life out of me and my children are still suffering from the effects of their past treatment. We are essentially unable to move forward with our lives.
I can't get assistance, medicaid or child support without birth certificates. They can't be enrolled in the school that they were offered spots in because they have no birth certificates. My sixteen-year-old son can't get a job or driver's license because he has no birth certificate. The local Department of Social Services actually said, "Basically, your children don't exist."
This heartbroken mother says...actually, they do.
But how do I prove it?
ROADBLOCKS AT EVERY TURN
The fact that the children were born in a different state than the one where we are currently residing is just one of the difficulties of getting their birth certificates.
The legal process for obtaining the birth certificates goes like this...
- First, request a copy of the original birth certificate. (No, it doesn't matter that you know there is no record because the births were never registered at all. You still have to do this step.)
- Next, the Department of Vital Records for the state does a "search" and (Surprise!) doesn't find a record.
- Then, the state sends a "Letter of No-Find". Along with the letter they include a form for filing a "Delayed Birth Certificate".
- The form includes instructions and the examples of acceptable "proofs" for establishing the facts of birth. Unfortunately, I basically have none of the types in the list being that the children were homebirthed (unassisted by a midwife or medical professional), homeschooled (and therefore not registered for public school or immunized, etc.), did not attend a church, get officially baptized, etc.
Another problem is that the form states that the documents I submit should be "at least five years old."
I have been advised (by the legal aid service) that the next step for my situation is to go ahead and (futily) file the "Delayed Birth Certificate" and then give them a copy of each when I get the "rejections".
I have been attempting (with no success so far) to find out what "proofs" the judge will even accept to establish my children's existence.
I spoke again to the woman at Vital Records and she was systmatically rejecting each "proof" I listed that I do have...old photos, emails from friends mentioning the births, a notarized affidavit I got about two months ago from someone who has known me since the birth of the oldest. Even my own records from personal hospital visits since 2001 (all 75 pages) in which I found mention of the children, won't count.
PLEASE HAVE MERCY
After I get the "rejection" letters I am told I will need to petition a court for the purpose of hopefully pursuading a judge to establish a record of birth for each of the children. I have also been receiving conflicting information as to where exactly this petition needs to be filed. It may be that I will have to travel (with the five children) to their birth state to get the process completed. With all that has happened no one is looking forward to that. No one wants to leave this beautiful place we've come to, just to continue struggling to clean up the absolute mess that my husband has made of our lives.
Very frustratingly, I am currently not employed and have no income. The home business that I was running for the last nine years was completely devasted at the time of our "rescue". My credit card is maxed out. Bills continue to pile up. The children still need more medical/dental attention. I can't get child care because I don't have a job and, the rub, I can't get a job because I don't have child care.
In addition to this, my daughter (whom I hadn't seen in nine years) arrived six weeks ago with her five children and have been living with us in the house that has been graciously provided by my pastor and his wife (out of their own pocket, not church funds) until the end of next month. It's time for us to move on somehow. He was already planning to sell the house before we arrived, and now they could really use the money. Saying they have done so much for me is the ultimate understatement.
I never imagined my life would come to such a place as this. The stress is physically painful. Being in need is, to me, a very uncomfortable place. Very humbling.
For the present, our most pressing needs are financial.
There's so much more. But, for now, I will leave it at this. If you have read this far I am more grateful that I can express to you. "Murphy's Law" is my daily reality, as it is, I'm sure, for many of you out there. I think often about how blessed I am and know that so many people have it much worse than I do. I'm so grateful that my children and I are out of the miserable situation we were in. Some day, when I am able, I want to help others in the way that so many kind souls have helped my family. Although I could never thank them enough.
ALWAYS STAYING HOPEFUL
If you can't contribute, that's perfectly fine. Please pray for us. That counts too. I absolutely know that everything will work out for the best. It's just getting from here to there that's the hard part.
Please know, lonely, frustrated wife out there, struggling to be a good mother and feeling desperate and all alone, I think about you and pray for your strength and wisdom to make the choices you need to survive, thrive and protect your children's hearts. You have value. You will be okay.
YOU ARE LOVED.
"Mama, I understand perfectly why we're here in this place. I just want to try to be happy and move on with my life." ~Noah (Age 9)
___________________________________________________________
Organizer
Rebekah Stamp
Organizer
Hendersonville, NC
