My escape from abuse

Hello. My name is Meshell (Griffy), and this is my story.

I'm not one to ask for things, or favors, or even ask for help. I'm painfully independent, and use most of my time helping others. I am the type of person to think of myself last and put others before myself. Because of this, I’ve gotten myself into a bad and unfortunate predicament.

I live in a town that has poor opinions on those of dark skin; making it incredibly difficult to get and keep a job. in a town where your last name and skin color is all that matters, I will never be able to afford to not only up and move, but to live on my own. I had moved out of my parents place as soon as i was able due to having endured 21 years or emotional, mental and physical abuse from my stepfather - having to work 4 jobs in order to do so. After meeting my bf, i was shortly evicted from my apartment due to his dog - leaving me no choice but to move in with him and a friend and eventually he bought a house. it's been three years of this relationship, and i regret having tolerated his abuse for so long. I've been in and out of jobs- having lost most to loss of hours or poor pay.

I truly don’t really want to go into full detail as to what i endure on a day to day basis - I’m jobless with a willingness to work, trapped in an emotionally, mentally and sexually abusive relationship and am unable to afford to leave. If i were to leave my bf, this entire town would turn on me faster then i could escape. his family is loved and cherished by many and i would be hated by most for 'using him and breaking his heart' . I would be homeless with my only option being to return to my parents house from once i came. Daily, i am belittled and made to feel like i don't matter. I am scolded on my behavior around others, about who i am as a person, and am constantly scorned for my past mistakes and the unfortunate sexual situations i was forced to suffer several times throughout my teenage years. I've never met anyone that genuinely got upset at me for being raped in the past. nor have i met anyone that knew of this hurtful event and proceeds to continuously force me into satisfying his needs against my will. guilting me into doing what he wants and should i refuse- his words grow more and more hurtful until i no longer care about myself and he gets his way. THEN he's sorry. My bf often says hurtful things with the full intention of making me cry - just to prove that i have feelings. after a life of abuse, I’ve become incredibly introverted as a person- and for this i am punished daily.

I am not one to think of myself first. And because of this, i am eternally grateful for my friend, Kim, for encouraging and supporting me in my quest to move away from this place and escape the darkness I’ve found myself in. My goal is to save up enough money to move to PA to be closer to my friend - Kim, and to be closer to some family i have out there. I aim to save up enough for gas to drive to PA from MN, deposit on an apartment/utilities- ect, enough for several months rent to allow time to find a job/jobs to live on my own.

I thank everyone that is willing to help and am eternally grateful.