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Publish Book re: Coming Out in TX

I wrote the book I wish I could have read as a young teenage boy, discovering and coming to terms with my homosexuality in the religious Christian South. I wanted to die for most of my life- until I came to terms w/ my sexuality during my mid-late twenties.
For the past 6 years, I worked as an investigator for Child Protective Services of Texas, eventually attaining the position of Senior Advanced Specialist IV. I’ve worked with or assisted approximately 870 families during my tenure at CPS- including 19 counties in North Texas.

Factoring in my total case load- I know that at least 32 children’s lives were legitimately saved because of our intervention. It’s not about the numbers, because to me- there is no greater task than being able to help out another human being especially those who are unable to self-protect.

Still, even with those wins for LIFE, I keep seeing cases after case of children and teenagers who had attempted to, or expressed wanting to kill themselves as they began to realize their sexual orientation or gender identities were not heteronormative. In short, kids were wanting to kill themselves for being gay.

That was my story too.

So I began writing “Break The Violent Fetters,” in August of 2017. I quit my career in social work, June 12, 2018, so that way I could pursue this message of unity, of wholeness, healing, and love to all- but specifically geared to people who are struggling with their sexuality, gender identity, or have felt marginalized, different, oppressef. I published the first 7 chapters for free, on my website, Joshovaswitness.com and will keep those free for as long as I am able to. Because this book is not just about me.

I wrote the book I wish I could have read as young teenage boy coming out as gay in the religious Christian South. There are so many other charities, people, and organizations that deserve funding, before me. I quit my career in social 5 months ago, and am living on those savings, however they will not last forever.

I am trying to self-publish Break the Violent Fetters as I continue to write my second book, “Queer and Bloating in Las Vegas and/or “Palace in Graffiti ” (working title). Writing is my job right now, but I do not have a steady source of income. I would prefer to self-publish, so the content of my message is not diluted. It costs about $5000 to publish 500 books, which is my initial goal.

Break the Violent Fetters is ultimately a first-hand account about the brilliance and diversity of Life itself, told through my personal journey of desolation and acceptance.


This story is told through a pop-culture tinged personal present-tense narrative; reflecting upon past events in my personal life and exposing broader societal past and present histories.


Ultimately, I hope this book is an offering of empowerment to the reader; as well as something of a blueprint to where I hope we and society are going.


This work also explores societal, philosophical, theological, and polito-geographical reasons that have brought us to the Trump-era’s war on women, homosexuals, and anyone veering from a Patriarchal-pussy-grabbing-“Christ”-centered world-view. Interspersed throughout this book are photographs I have taken and poetry pertaining to the particular themes of the chapter.

My book is finished- sitting at a word count of 60,500, and is currently in the final editing stages. I am already at work on a follow-up book that discusses and delves more deeply into certain philosophical, socio-political, and metaphysical concepts discussed in Break the Violent Fetters.

From the Preface:

“Words flung like bricks breaking against the establishment within and outside of me. They build a fortress to protect and give room to growth- for whom ever needs them now. There is importance in the telling of our stories. Even if it is simply for one’s own empowerment. That we live on. That we were here. That we are good, worthy, empowered beings. That’s what this book is about.

My vulnerability and honesty is crucial to the message of self-acceptance and self-empowerment. That you don’t have to die because you’re different. That marginalization is not your destiny. That diversity is the true foundation of this planet. That we are all fractals of the collective human whole. That all of everything in existence is a fractal manifesting itself in eternally varied physical and dimensional forms.

That the Earth’s inherent nature is to ingeniously pour life out through all the diversities of physical, living, and organic things. The Earth will grow any very endless of things in its excitement to spread the love of life itself on the planet. It’s an unconscious altruism piped through the process of evolution.

I also offer peer-reviewed/scholarly articles to elaborate my premises. I won the Lee University Freshman English Student Award in 2006. I published the first 7 chapters of my book to my blog- Joshovaswitness.com. Within 3 days of my website being up and chapters published (June 17, 2018) I had 4,000 Facebook friend-requests and began an Artist Page with around 150 monthly subscribers, as well as having added an additional 2,000 followers on Instagram since then- of which I am very humbled and thankful.

“The tide of human development and expansion is turning, as it has since time began. Since before and after man’s attempts to subdue and declaw the material world around him. I do not wish to subdue. I wish to enlighten. To elucidate the primal goodness at work within our bodies and minds. I add my voice to the chorus of thoughts wrecking the altar of human chains and misery. This is not the first time nor last that words like these have been spoken. They are words to break open our selves. Walls have been brought down by whispers. Collect this murmur and send it to fight on the frontline with the infantry, whoever God may be, and bright Hope on our side.”

“In 2009 I laid in a Beijing hostel room, 750 yards away from Tiananmen Square, for 2 days, waiting for my friend to leave China, so that I could kill myself for being gay. I prayed to God for 15 years to heal my sinful desires. In that hostel room I began to realize there was never any sin to begin with.”

“It was Chinese New Year and the city felt electric with weeklong festivities. Firecrackers and fireworks were being set off at all times of the day and night. As I was contemplating whether to live or die the irony was not lost on me that the revelry and celebrations sounded like a war zone. My journal entry, written a few weeks later, a few weeks after I decided to live, says, "Alone in China and lost in my life- purposeless and void like the permanence of deep space- bleaker than the Gobi desert that sits on Beijing's doorstep. I comforted myself in knowing that I only had to endure a few days more before all would be ended.

Looking back, I am so absolutely appreciative that I chose life. I weep tears of compassion and empathy for my 24-year-old self who I thankfully scarcely recognize now in my present fully good, homosexual, 32-year-old, happy, self.

To be or not to be- a premise stacked upon a precipice. Universal in its questioning. Its asker- genuine in tone, and unaware of its privileged position. For the asker, in this case Hamlet, is grieving the death of his father which has caused him mortal anguish. A common and understandable lament. One that many of us have cried out with a tragic loss of person.

There are other cries of lament that happen unknown and unseen every moment and day. How does one tell the story of those moments when they feel a lifetime ago? The sensitive child holding onto the weight of a savior that couldn't turn him heterosexual. A personhood unrecognized- save for similar physical features and penchant for particular physical desires. And an uncanny ability to keep student loan creditors and calories closer than friends.”

That’s how suicidal, spiritually-awakened, David-Bowie themed Chapter 9: “Little China Girl, begins. It begins this way because that was the water-shed, Eureka-shouting, Fear-and-Loathing moment of my own life.

Through the course of writing, Break the Violent Fetters, I’ve come to discover that I am not afraid of anything or anyone anymore. It is my intention that each reader will walk away from this story with the same self-confidence, love, and acceptance written and living within these pages.

Thank you for your time and your donations. Truly, I believe we can leave our Earth better than what we inherited. May you be blessed and know the worthiness of your being. ❤️

Organizer

Joshua Khatena
Organizer

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