Willow Phlox's Gender Affirming Surgery Fund

Hello, all you colorful sprinkles!

My name is Willow Phlox, and I have a significant surgery coming up, GCS, or SRS, vaginoplasty, or just "Bottom Surgery."

I'm originally from Florida, born and raised there. I've been open about my queerness since I was about fifteen. The school I went to was supportive, as were my friends and teachers, who provided safe spaces for me.

LGBTQIA+ clubs like Pulse, Parliament House, Southern Nights Revolution, or as it used to be called, "the Rev," New Phoenix Winter Park, and The Center Orlando all provided space for me to learn and grow as a person.

In 2015 I started to make more gender-diverse friends. Existing in a cisnormative society, I felt I had to be a specific gender role and carry those stereotypes. These new friends showed me that that wasn't the case. That's when I realized I had a weight on my shoulders. By my birthday that year, I started going to a psychologist at a trans-specific clinic in Orlando called "Two Spirit." He and a psychologist helped me conclude that I was masking to blend in with society and that I struggle with gender dysphoria, general anxiety disorder, and C-PTSD.

This moment is when my story takes a turn for the worse. My therapist sent me to an endocrinologist with the practice who was also trans. This endocrinologist was a transmedicalist. Transmedicalism is the idea that being trans is contingent upon experiencing gender dysphoria or requiring medical treatment to transition, which is highly problematic, as discussed in this paper. She said cruel things to me, like, "you don't look feminine enough." She even showed up at my magic shop job and outed me to the staff.

After three months of HRT and dealing with her bullying, I shoved myself back into the closet. These were depressing times for me. I felt like I was living my life in an out-of-body experience. I would go to work, hate life, and go home and do it all over again—dissociating for survival.

Finally, In 2018, I met my boyfriend, Caden. He is trans as well and showed me what living authentically meant. You're probably thinking, "that's when she came out." I didn't. I wasn't feeling brave enough yet.

In June that year, Caden became incredibly sick, having heart palpitations and passing out when he stood up or went outside. I had to carry him from his bed into the bathtub so that he could take a bath. After a few months of waiting for doctors, testing for answers, and dozens of doctor appointments, we finally got Caden into an electrophysiologist who was able to diagnose him with Autonomic Dysfunction (which is an umbrella term). We managed to get Caden stabilized enough to go back to work.

The boss at Caden's job allowed him the accommodations he needed to get through his work day. He was even moved up to management. One night after working a shift, Caden was rear-ended on his way home. The accident left him with herniated discs and nerve damage. After that, Caden was unable to work due to extreme physical pain. Caden's electrophysiologist recommended we go to the Mayo Clinic, which has an Autonomic Dysfunction clinic. I worked through the next year until late 2019. I was working a job that paid minimum wage but finally had to quit out of fear of getting Caden sick with Covid-19.

We stayed at home through all of 2020, trying to apply for disability assistance for Caden while trying to find a way to get to the Mayo Clinic. Spending time around Caden and making other trans friends moved me towards coming out. I planned to come out to Caden on my September birthday. A few weeks before September, Caden was struggling with dysphoria and mental health. We talked about it, and both broke down crying. That's when I told him I'm trans. He hugged me and assured me that I had his love and support. My quality of life improved a thousand percent that day. In the weeks following, I was able to see a therapist and restart HRT.

In December, I wrapped a box full of pictures of me (they weren't great; I was still learning how to do my makeup). I also wrote them a coming-out letter and printed a 72-page guide for parents from PFLAG. I got a text later from them both assuring me that they still loved me.

We spent 2021 finding medical care for Caden as his autonomic dysfunction worsened. He needed daily saline infusions. The slow pace of Florida's medical system lit a fire under our butts to move.

After months of researching and meeting new online friends, we could finally move to Wisconsin and establish medical care. We moved on my birthday that year. Since moving, Caden and I were able to transfer both of our medical care to Mayo Clinic. Caden was able to get diagnosed with POTS. He was also able to get disability assistance finally. I finally got the care I needed at Mayo's Trans and Intersex clinic. Their staff has been so helpful in guiding me through the medical system to get me the care I need.

First, Mayo set me up with a new therapist and a team of endocrinologists I could visit locally and in their Rochester location. After several months of establishing myself in my new home, I told my therapist I was interested in discussing Gender Affirming surgeries with my team. My therapist was happy to assist.

Meanwhile, Caden worked with a local program to help hire me as his caregiver. Most of my time is spent caring for him as he cannot shower, cook over a hot stove, or walk Izzy without assistance. To make matters worse, they took away his driver's license because of the syncope.

After speaking with my care team and getting the green light for surgery, I scheduled a meeting with the surgeon. The surgeon was booked six months out because of backup from covid-19, and one of their surgeons left. So I continued to talk to my team in the meantime.

I finally met with my surgeon this year, and we set up a plan that worked for me. He did mention that surgeries are scheduled until the middle of next year. To me, it's worth the wait.

There is a lot of planning to do in the meantime. The surgery requires that I stay at the hospital for several days to be observed by the medical staff. Then I have to stay in a hotel near the hospital with a friend so they can continue to make sure I don't have complications. During this stay, I will need to cover two caregivers' transportation, lodging, food, and incidentals. I will have six weeks of being unable to help Caden, which will also cost us financially because being a caregiver is my primary source of income.

In the upcoming months, I have an appointment with yet another surgeon to get me started with FFS and a BA to help me feel more comfortable in my skin. These will also require extra care for myself and Caden.

Some good news is that my state insurance seems to cover most of my medical costs (it's still early in the game). However, it will not cover things like caregivers, lodging, food, or other things I need for recovery.

What can you do to help?

I'm glad you asked.

Thank You!

No, really, thank you! Just for taking the time to read this and helping move me closer to my surgery.