Honoring my mom Mandy Collazo. Memorial fund
Donation protected
Hello, my name is Courtney and I’m Mandy’s oldest and only daughter. I’ve never done anything like this before so I’m just hoping that our story touches your heart and ask that you have compassion for me and my family during this dark time.
On Wednesday morning, July 31st around 6am I received a call from the Honolulu Medical Examiner’s Office with the worst news I hope no one ever has to hear in their life. I was told that they had just identified my mom’s body by her finger prints that morning and that she had committed suicide Friday, July 26th, pronounced dead @ 11:56pm. I felt my entire body shut down. Like I was in a horrible dream I couldn’t wake myself up from. I was in complete shock and I still am in shock now. The past couple of months have been pretty rough for my family not only with my mom’s mental illness, but with my brother having to go through life with the same mental illness for the past 3 years as well and now with my dad being recently incarcerated at OCCC (prison), I have yet to break the news to him due to limited visiting hours and timing. I’m just hoping he doesn’t find out any other way than directly from me.
My mom has been struggling with her mental illness- that being a paranoid schizophrenic with manic depression for 40 years. I was very close with my mom and have seen her go through so much in just trying to function in her daily life and in taking care of herself, my brother and I with my dad who also has his own mental health issues (bipolar disorder.) She’s had a history of taking her medication for a long period of time becoming mentally stable and would suddenly just stop taking them without warning causing her to have manic episodes. Schizophrenia can be difficult to understand to those who haven’t experienced it first hand and anyone who has experienced it, especially with a loved one with this mental illness are very familiar with this pattern. As she’s gotten older she’s had an even harder time in taking her meds causing them to not even work for her sometimes making it very difficult for her to have mental stability and for everyone around her to help her. She did her very best taking care of us and gave us the best childhood she could and she did. Even with our colorful dysfunctional background I can honestly say she raised us right and to be good people.
Despite her illness she was truly the sweetest person in the room. She was friendly, kind, funny and selfless. Sometimes she had no filter and would share so much of herself and her life with others it was really admirable. She loved not only us, but her music, art, books and singing very much. I remember growing up she would take us to the library, the beach and just all throughout my life seeing her CD collection, watching her fill the house with good music, hearing her sing throughout the day and just using all of it as an outlet to be her true self was so beautiful to witness. These are the memories of my mom I’ll never forget. She loved the ocean and going to beach whenever she got the chance. Being born and raised by the beach in Hawaii Kai and Kaneohe her favorite beach was and always will be Ala Moana Beach. I’m just missing her so much as I’m writing this and if you knew my mom or if you have ever met her you would say that she was a one of kind woman and one of the sweetest people on the planet. Regardless of the really rough times that came with her episodes, I just really want to honor her in remembering her for all the good times when she was stable.
To live with such a debilitating mental illness for so long makes me question what kind of quality of life is that? So I’m not angry with her or with how she decided to go. I don’t judge her AT ALL. She’s told us and her side of the family for years, even before I was born that her illness made her feel like she didn’t want to live anymore sometimes and it always made me feel so sad that I wasn’t able to just take all the pain away from her. It felt so unfair that as wonderful and as beautiful of a soul she was she had the hand she was dealt in life.
She was truly the best mom a mom could ever be and I know now that she’s at peace, finally free from all her mental suffering and emotional trauma. As bittersweet as that sounds.
She was and is so so loved and she will be missed in every single way, every day for as long as I’m alive. We’ll never forget the person she was and the heart that she had.
She leaves behind a husband, daughter, son, granddaughter, son in law, and two brothers and a sister.
With all that being said, any money donated will be used to provide my mom with a ceremony service she deserves and our family expenses as we navigate through this difficult time. Any amount you're willing to contribute is greatly appreciated, and if you're unable to donate money at this time we humbly ask that you please share this GoFundMe with your friends and family. It would mean the world to us. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
On Wednesday morning, July 31st around 6am I received a call from the Honolulu Medical Examiner’s Office with the worst news I hope no one ever has to hear in their life. I was told that they had just identified my mom’s body by her finger prints that morning and that she had committed suicide Friday, July 26th, pronounced dead @ 11:56pm. I felt my entire body shut down. Like I was in a horrible dream I couldn’t wake myself up from. I was in complete shock and I still am in shock now. The past couple of months have been pretty rough for my family not only with my mom’s mental illness, but with my brother having to go through life with the same mental illness for the past 3 years as well and now with my dad being recently incarcerated at OCCC (prison), I have yet to break the news to him due to limited visiting hours and timing. I’m just hoping he doesn’t find out any other way than directly from me.
My mom has been struggling with her mental illness- that being a paranoid schizophrenic with manic depression for 40 years. I was very close with my mom and have seen her go through so much in just trying to function in her daily life and in taking care of herself, my brother and I with my dad who also has his own mental health issues (bipolar disorder.) She’s had a history of taking her medication for a long period of time becoming mentally stable and would suddenly just stop taking them without warning causing her to have manic episodes. Schizophrenia can be difficult to understand to those who haven’t experienced it first hand and anyone who has experienced it, especially with a loved one with this mental illness are very familiar with this pattern. As she’s gotten older she’s had an even harder time in taking her meds causing them to not even work for her sometimes making it very difficult for her to have mental stability and for everyone around her to help her. She did her very best taking care of us and gave us the best childhood she could and she did. Even with our colorful dysfunctional background I can honestly say she raised us right and to be good people.
Despite her illness she was truly the sweetest person in the room. She was friendly, kind, funny and selfless. Sometimes she had no filter and would share so much of herself and her life with others it was really admirable. She loved not only us, but her music, art, books and singing very much. I remember growing up she would take us to the library, the beach and just all throughout my life seeing her CD collection, watching her fill the house with good music, hearing her sing throughout the day and just using all of it as an outlet to be her true self was so beautiful to witness. These are the memories of my mom I’ll never forget. She loved the ocean and going to beach whenever she got the chance. Being born and raised by the beach in Hawaii Kai and Kaneohe her favorite beach was and always will be Ala Moana Beach. I’m just missing her so much as I’m writing this and if you knew my mom or if you have ever met her you would say that she was a one of kind woman and one of the sweetest people on the planet. Regardless of the really rough times that came with her episodes, I just really want to honor her in remembering her for all the good times when she was stable.
To live with such a debilitating mental illness for so long makes me question what kind of quality of life is that? So I’m not angry with her or with how she decided to go. I don’t judge her AT ALL. She’s told us and her side of the family for years, even before I was born that her illness made her feel like she didn’t want to live anymore sometimes and it always made me feel so sad that I wasn’t able to just take all the pain away from her. It felt so unfair that as wonderful and as beautiful of a soul she was she had the hand she was dealt in life.
She was truly the best mom a mom could ever be and I know now that she’s at peace, finally free from all her mental suffering and emotional trauma. As bittersweet as that sounds.
She was and is so so loved and she will be missed in every single way, every day for as long as I’m alive. We’ll never forget the person she was and the heart that she had.
She leaves behind a husband, daughter, son, granddaughter, son in law, and two brothers and a sister.
With all that being said, any money donated will be used to provide my mom with a ceremony service she deserves and our family expenses as we navigate through this difficult time. Any amount you're willing to contribute is greatly appreciated, and if you're unable to donate money at this time we humbly ask that you please share this GoFundMe with your friends and family. It would mean the world to us. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
Organizer
Courtney Collazo
Organizer
Ewa Beach, HI