Help This Dad Survive Court Costs
Donation protected
THE BIG POINT
I’m a restaurant server drowning in legal fees to adjust a support order that is grossly over-calculated 11.5 TIMES (!!!) what it should be. I am caring for both of my kids with one of them living with me fulltime. My credit is shot and all my savings are gone. I have a new legal bill for just over $1000 due immediately that I can’t pay. I have other legal bills I can’t pay. I can’t even pay my rent right now, due April 1st. I need help. I hate to say it. I like to be the helper, not the helped. But I can’t deny it anymore. I need your assistance.
A STORY IN BULLET POINTS
• I’m the father of 2 teenage daughters. 1 lives with me fulltime, as of January. The other is with me 1-2 days per week, and I play an active role in her healthcare throughout the week.
• In 2013, wanting to settle a civilized divorce, I agreed to go to a mediator rather than with lawyers, etc. And yes, overwhelmed with shame over getting a divorce, I automatically agreed to whatever the mediator proposed. I’ve since been told that was a terrible idea. But I’ve been stuck in that support deal ever since.
• In 2016 my income fell dramatically, and I’ve been working to update the support order ever since.
• THREE YEARS later, after years of delays and continuances, the case is still in limbo. At times I have given my entire check to child support.
• I’m currently paying up to 11.5 TIMES (!!!) what the Minnesota state support calculator says I should be paying.
• My first lawyer always said this is just the way it is. Action on the mother's behalf slides through more quickly, but cases to address a father's needs get pushed to the back of the line for years on end.
• I have a new lawyer and she’s more of a bulldog. I have a new court date set for May 29, and it looks promising. Of course, my ex has thus far proven a master of delays and continuances, so who knows, but my hopes are set on May 29 nonetheless!
• HOWEVER, I’m out of money.
• As in, COMPLETELY OUT OF MONEY.
• AS IN, I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I’M EVEN GOING TO MAKE RENT ON APRIL 1ST. LITERALLY.
• I have a workhorse, nonstop work ethic, but that can only get you so far when you rely on restaurant tips as your primary income stream. This is what has led me to pursue such a wide variety of endeavors over the years—just doing anything I can to earn an income for my family. Even as I've devoted massive hours volunteering to helping others in my communities. And yes, I am new to selling insurance as well (as many of you have probably seen) and am grinding for commissions nonstop. But I’m just beginning, and as of yet, the vast VAST majority of my income still comes from restaurant tips. Nonetheless I grind.
• FUNFACT SIDESTORY: My 16-year-old told me just last week, “You know, Mom always made it sound like you were such a deadbeat. But now that I’m living with you again, I see the truth is you work harder than anyone I've ever seen. You're never home and even when you are, you're working on your computer until after I'm in bed." She said, "You were always a workaholic pastor [my former career], and I've realized at least somethings never change." We laughed. Damn, I love having her around...
• But you can only do so much when you’re paying support that’s 11.5 TIMES what it should be. You can only invest so much in your own career. There have been times over these years where MY ENTIRE PAYCHECK went to paying support. I have often lived on credit. When the court system is unresponsive, what other options do you have.
• My ex and the kids moved out here to Minnesota in 2016. It took me TWO AND A HALF YEARS to save enough money just so I could afford a move to follow them out here and be with my kids again. And yes, that meager bit of savings all disappeared in moving expenses. The move was good to be with my kids again, but it also meant I now had to hire a new Minnesota lawyer, pay to get the constantly-delayed case file transferred to a new state, and of course start my tip-based employment all over again at a new restaurant at the bottom of seniority.
• My new lawyer seems to have us on a good track but she’s expensive, recommended to me via LegalShield. “But if a cheap lawyer got me nowhere,” I’d told myself, “maybe an expensive lawyer just has to be something I have to invest in if I need an actual resolution.” So I have. And she’s generously given me a 25% discount. And yet…
• I’ve already burned through my entire retainer and just received a bill for another $1000+, due upon receipt. And then I’ll still need more money to finish the job she’s started and get me through May 29 and beyond if need be. I'm trying to be optimistic that on May 29 the Support Order will finally be updated, but I know I can't just assume this will be the case.
• My savings have been depleted.
• All credit cards are maxed out.
• Since 2016, I’ve taken out three Avant and Lending Club loans to cover attorney retainers, legal fees, and just survive. All funds have been depleted.
• My credit is shot. I can’t get another loan or credit card. Believe me, I’ve tried.
• It’s the slow season for restaurants. And moving from Chicago to Minneapolis was needed for me to follow my family out here, but it has led to a significantly lesser restaurant market. Income has dropped and now, combined with everything else, I no longer have enough to cover the basic living expenses I need to retain custody.
• Yes, I’ve looked into state aid. But the calculator says my income is just over the cap. Of course, the equation doesn't take into account how much is going to the over-calculated support order!
MY URGENT NEED
So, yes, I need money. Desperately bad. The $6,000 GoFundMe is designated to (1) recover what I’ve already poured into this case for attorney retainers and legal fees, (2) cover my attorney’s bill for just under $1100 due immediately, and (3) help cover upcoming attorney/legal bills in order to see this to completion, which I’m estimating to be another $1500.
Of course, this only gets us through May 29, the most optimistic of scenarios. And of course, this does nothing to cover the ongoing demand of my Support Order or make sure my rent is paid. Needless to say, we could certainly use more than 6k, but this at least serves as a starting point to get us to the next leg of the proverbial journey.
OPTIMISTIC SURVIVAL MODE
And yet I’m trying to remain optimistic. I just have to make it through the next six months or so. Once this support order FINALLY gets updated, I will be in a much better place to carefully manage my family’s needs. If all goes well, that should take place on May 29, just over two months away. We just have to survive until then.
On top of this my new insurance gig is looking good. The agency I’m with has put me on what looks to be a very promising track that should start really kick in around the third quarter of this year. But until then we just have to keep our heads low and survive.
Right now it’s all about survival. Especially until the end of May.
Please help us survive.
FINAL NOTES
For a mix of mostly professional reasons with my budding new insurance career, I’m trying to keep this GoFundMe somewhat private and discreet. I’d like to keep it to private online communities, etc. But feel free to message me and ask about details or share ideas!
We're continually told of how humanity just isn't generous by default (neither in terms of money nor service). But I've often chosen to believe otherwise. I’ve devoted the bulk of my life toward nonprofit work and volunteerism in order to help turning this tide. And I am eager to get back on solid ground so I can continue doing so! Yes, I need your help. But the even bigger picture is that we all need one another. Our humanity is defined by our willingness to help one another!
I’m a restaurant server drowning in legal fees to adjust a support order that is grossly over-calculated 11.5 TIMES (!!!) what it should be. I am caring for both of my kids with one of them living with me fulltime. My credit is shot and all my savings are gone. I have a new legal bill for just over $1000 due immediately that I can’t pay. I have other legal bills I can’t pay. I can’t even pay my rent right now, due April 1st. I need help. I hate to say it. I like to be the helper, not the helped. But I can’t deny it anymore. I need your assistance.
A STORY IN BULLET POINTS
• I’m the father of 2 teenage daughters. 1 lives with me fulltime, as of January. The other is with me 1-2 days per week, and I play an active role in her healthcare throughout the week.
• In 2013, wanting to settle a civilized divorce, I agreed to go to a mediator rather than with lawyers, etc. And yes, overwhelmed with shame over getting a divorce, I automatically agreed to whatever the mediator proposed. I’ve since been told that was a terrible idea. But I’ve been stuck in that support deal ever since.
• In 2016 my income fell dramatically, and I’ve been working to update the support order ever since.
• THREE YEARS later, after years of delays and continuances, the case is still in limbo. At times I have given my entire check to child support.
• I’m currently paying up to 11.5 TIMES (!!!) what the Minnesota state support calculator says I should be paying.
• My first lawyer always said this is just the way it is. Action on the mother's behalf slides through more quickly, but cases to address a father's needs get pushed to the back of the line for years on end.
• I have a new lawyer and she’s more of a bulldog. I have a new court date set for May 29, and it looks promising. Of course, my ex has thus far proven a master of delays and continuances, so who knows, but my hopes are set on May 29 nonetheless!
• HOWEVER, I’m out of money.
• As in, COMPLETELY OUT OF MONEY.
• AS IN, I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I’M EVEN GOING TO MAKE RENT ON APRIL 1ST. LITERALLY.
• I have a workhorse, nonstop work ethic, but that can only get you so far when you rely on restaurant tips as your primary income stream. This is what has led me to pursue such a wide variety of endeavors over the years—just doing anything I can to earn an income for my family. Even as I've devoted massive hours volunteering to helping others in my communities. And yes, I am new to selling insurance as well (as many of you have probably seen) and am grinding for commissions nonstop. But I’m just beginning, and as of yet, the vast VAST majority of my income still comes from restaurant tips. Nonetheless I grind.
• FUNFACT SIDESTORY: My 16-year-old told me just last week, “You know, Mom always made it sound like you were such a deadbeat. But now that I’m living with you again, I see the truth is you work harder than anyone I've ever seen. You're never home and even when you are, you're working on your computer until after I'm in bed." She said, "You were always a workaholic pastor [my former career], and I've realized at least somethings never change." We laughed. Damn, I love having her around...
• But you can only do so much when you’re paying support that’s 11.5 TIMES what it should be. You can only invest so much in your own career. There have been times over these years where MY ENTIRE PAYCHECK went to paying support. I have often lived on credit. When the court system is unresponsive, what other options do you have.
• My ex and the kids moved out here to Minnesota in 2016. It took me TWO AND A HALF YEARS to save enough money just so I could afford a move to follow them out here and be with my kids again. And yes, that meager bit of savings all disappeared in moving expenses. The move was good to be with my kids again, but it also meant I now had to hire a new Minnesota lawyer, pay to get the constantly-delayed case file transferred to a new state, and of course start my tip-based employment all over again at a new restaurant at the bottom of seniority.
• My new lawyer seems to have us on a good track but she’s expensive, recommended to me via LegalShield. “But if a cheap lawyer got me nowhere,” I’d told myself, “maybe an expensive lawyer just has to be something I have to invest in if I need an actual resolution.” So I have. And she’s generously given me a 25% discount. And yet…
• I’ve already burned through my entire retainer and just received a bill for another $1000+, due upon receipt. And then I’ll still need more money to finish the job she’s started and get me through May 29 and beyond if need be. I'm trying to be optimistic that on May 29 the Support Order will finally be updated, but I know I can't just assume this will be the case.
• My savings have been depleted.
• All credit cards are maxed out.
• Since 2016, I’ve taken out three Avant and Lending Club loans to cover attorney retainers, legal fees, and just survive. All funds have been depleted.
• My credit is shot. I can’t get another loan or credit card. Believe me, I’ve tried.
• It’s the slow season for restaurants. And moving from Chicago to Minneapolis was needed for me to follow my family out here, but it has led to a significantly lesser restaurant market. Income has dropped and now, combined with everything else, I no longer have enough to cover the basic living expenses I need to retain custody.
• Yes, I’ve looked into state aid. But the calculator says my income is just over the cap. Of course, the equation doesn't take into account how much is going to the over-calculated support order!
MY URGENT NEED
So, yes, I need money. Desperately bad. The $6,000 GoFundMe is designated to (1) recover what I’ve already poured into this case for attorney retainers and legal fees, (2) cover my attorney’s bill for just under $1100 due immediately, and (3) help cover upcoming attorney/legal bills in order to see this to completion, which I’m estimating to be another $1500.
Of course, this only gets us through May 29, the most optimistic of scenarios. And of course, this does nothing to cover the ongoing demand of my Support Order or make sure my rent is paid. Needless to say, we could certainly use more than 6k, but this at least serves as a starting point to get us to the next leg of the proverbial journey.
OPTIMISTIC SURVIVAL MODE
And yet I’m trying to remain optimistic. I just have to make it through the next six months or so. Once this support order FINALLY gets updated, I will be in a much better place to carefully manage my family’s needs. If all goes well, that should take place on May 29, just over two months away. We just have to survive until then.
On top of this my new insurance gig is looking good. The agency I’m with has put me on what looks to be a very promising track that should start really kick in around the third quarter of this year. But until then we just have to keep our heads low and survive.
Right now it’s all about survival. Especially until the end of May.
Please help us survive.
FINAL NOTES
For a mix of mostly professional reasons with my budding new insurance career, I’m trying to keep this GoFundMe somewhat private and discreet. I’d like to keep it to private online communities, etc. But feel free to message me and ask about details or share ideas!
We're continually told of how humanity just isn't generous by default (neither in terms of money nor service). But I've often chosen to believe otherwise. I’ve devoted the bulk of my life toward nonprofit work and volunteerism in order to help turning this tide. And I am eager to get back on solid ground so I can continue doing so! Yes, I need your help. But the even bigger picture is that we all need one another. Our humanity is defined by our willingness to help one another!
Organizer
Drew B
Organizer
Minneapolis, MN
