AH-64 Apache for The Almighty
Donation protected
Hi everyone, my name is JR and I recently noticed news about a minister who is trying to raise somewhere in the ballpark of $50 million for the purchase of a new private luxury jet aircraft, in order for him to continue "...preaching the gospel all over the world...".
I gave that news some thought and decided that if the Almighty could use a brand new luxury jet aircraft to spread His gospel (through His earthly vessel, of course), why couldn't He use a AH-64 Apache attack helicopter?? We know the Almighty is all-powerful, but an Apache is pretty powerful too - it has a 30mm chain gun, rocket pods AND Hellfire (HELLfire?!?) missiles!
Also, an Apache could go into areas that don't have long landing strips, which a $50 million luxury jet aircraft would certainly require. Further, the Apache is the apex of rotary combat aircraft technology, enabling it to jump from location to location both day and night, in all weather and combat conditions, without any trouble at all. That said, wouldn't an Apache be more practical than a $50 million luxury jet aircraft?? And don't forget - CHEAPER too at less than HALF the price!
True, the Apache does NOT have a bathroom, fully stocked liquor cabinet or cozy bed for those long hauls out to the Bahamas or Caymans to spread the gospel and store treasure in paradise.
But we must ask...what is most important - one's personal comfort (including a bit of a 20 year-old, scotch and a nap), or spreading the gospel as quickly as possible? It's a tough call for some, but I know what I'd do...yep, the AH-64 Apache attack helicopter shall win the day!
On that note, I am gathering donations in the sum total amount of $20 million from my human race followers in order to purchase a Boeing AH-64 Apache attack helicopter, for my own personal use, the use of my Mom, and other unnamed individuals, entities and deities, as per each of their respective requirements and needs.
Thank you in advance and be blessed! And most importantly remember, donations to this cause could, may and might earn you a nicer spot in the Hereafter!
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All statements made herein are for entertainment purposes only, are complete and utter SATIRE by its definition (see below), and are in no way true. I am not authorized to spread the gospel and am pretty sure the AH-64 Apache attack helicopter would not be used to do so either - not to mention Apaches cannot be purchased by civilians. Further, donating to this cause would be asinine (see "asinine" definition below).
BUT if it took off, it would be pretty dang funny.......
In the event there were actual proceeds from this campaign, a portion of said proceeds up to and including total cost of surgery(ies), post-surgery(ies) and recovery(ies), would be used to have Badger, the best dog on the planet, admitted to the vet clinic to have CCL surgery on his right knee, then probably also on his left knee within two years, since sixty percent of large dog breeds tend to tear the opposite CCL within that time period. Further, in the event this campaign went VERY well, we would update the campaign on a regular basis as Badger's medical situation developed. Thank you.
satire [sat-ahyuh r]
noun
1. the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.
2. a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.
3. a literary genre comprising such compositions.
asinine [as-uh-nahyn]
adjective
1. foolish, unintelligent, or silly; stupid: It is surprising that supposedly intelligent people can make such asinine statements.
2. of or like an ass: asinine obstinacy; asinine features.
I gave that news some thought and decided that if the Almighty could use a brand new luxury jet aircraft to spread His gospel (through His earthly vessel, of course), why couldn't He use a AH-64 Apache attack helicopter?? We know the Almighty is all-powerful, but an Apache is pretty powerful too - it has a 30mm chain gun, rocket pods AND Hellfire (HELLfire?!?) missiles!
Also, an Apache could go into areas that don't have long landing strips, which a $50 million luxury jet aircraft would certainly require. Further, the Apache is the apex of rotary combat aircraft technology, enabling it to jump from location to location both day and night, in all weather and combat conditions, without any trouble at all. That said, wouldn't an Apache be more practical than a $50 million luxury jet aircraft?? And don't forget - CHEAPER too at less than HALF the price!
True, the Apache does NOT have a bathroom, fully stocked liquor cabinet or cozy bed for those long hauls out to the Bahamas or Caymans to spread the gospel and store treasure in paradise.
But we must ask...what is most important - one's personal comfort (including a bit of a 20 year-old, scotch and a nap), or spreading the gospel as quickly as possible? It's a tough call for some, but I know what I'd do...yep, the AH-64 Apache attack helicopter shall win the day!
On that note, I am gathering donations in the sum total amount of $20 million from my human race followers in order to purchase a Boeing AH-64 Apache attack helicopter, for my own personal use, the use of my Mom, and other unnamed individuals, entities and deities, as per each of their respective requirements and needs.
Thank you in advance and be blessed! And most importantly remember, donations to this cause could, may and might earn you a nicer spot in the Hereafter!
-
-
-
-
-
All statements made herein are for entertainment purposes only, are complete and utter SATIRE by its definition (see below), and are in no way true. I am not authorized to spread the gospel and am pretty sure the AH-64 Apache attack helicopter would not be used to do so either - not to mention Apaches cannot be purchased by civilians. Further, donating to this cause would be asinine (see "asinine" definition below).
BUT if it took off, it would be pretty dang funny.......
In the event there were actual proceeds from this campaign, a portion of said proceeds up to and including total cost of surgery(ies), post-surgery(ies) and recovery(ies), would be used to have Badger, the best dog on the planet, admitted to the vet clinic to have CCL surgery on his right knee, then probably also on his left knee within two years, since sixty percent of large dog breeds tend to tear the opposite CCL within that time period. Further, in the event this campaign went VERY well, we would update the campaign on a regular basis as Badger's medical situation developed. Thank you.
satire [sat-ahyuh r]
noun
1. the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.
2. a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.
3. a literary genre comprising such compositions.
asinine [as-uh-nahyn]
adjective
1. foolish, unintelligent, or silly; stupid: It is surprising that supposedly intelligent people can make such asinine statements.
2. of or like an ass: asinine obstinacy; asinine features.
Organizer
JR Hayes
Organizer
Cisco, TX