This is Diesel.
When he was rescued by a tourist in Montenegro last month, it looked as if he had hit the jackpot. A sickly little kitten, pulled from under a car and nursed back to health.
Instead, his health continued to decline, despite the efforts of his foster mother and a wonderful vet. On the brink of adoption by a loving family, he died cradled in his foster mother's arms. The cause was a deadly but preventable virus. We're raising funds for vaccines to prevent more deaths like Diesel's.
Diesel was born, and died, in this tiny Balkan country that overflows with unwanted street cats – community cats. Despite the recent arrival of Kotor Kitties, a spay-neuter program that has reduced the homeless population and improved the lives of nearly 11,000 cats, there are far too many community animals to care for properly.
None of the community cats, and very few domestic pets, are vaccinated. So the population has no immunity from feline panleukopenia and several other devastating – but preventable – diseases.
Inspired by Diesel’s fight for life, Kotor Kitties wants to make sure that every cat we spay or neuter, and every abandoned kitten absorbed into a well-tended colony, also receives a life-saving vaccine. We plan to add vaccine to each surgery we provide, purchasing it in bulk to cut the price of every vaccine in half.
It’s our way to remember and honor Diesel, who was such a bright light in the midst of so much suffering. It's also a way to honor Eva, the tourist who rescued him, Danijela, the loving caretaker of the colony that accepted him, Caren, the foster mom who cradled him gently as he died, and veterinarian Relja Cetkovic, who tried everything at his disposal to save him.
You can read about Diesel’s short but adventure-filled life in the update below. #dieselpower
Please note that there is a shortage of vaccine in Montenegro this year, and our vets are having trouble finding it at any price. If we are unable to purchase at a bulk rate of 5-5.5 euros per dose, donors will be offered the option of a refund or of switching their donation to our spay-neuter fund for the cats.
FINDING DIESEL
Dusk in Kotor, Montenegro
November 23
Coming down from a sunset hike at the old Catholic church – only 5 p.m. but already in total darkness – I heard a cat's cries from under the car. It was a kitten, eyes glued shut with mucus, sticky smelly fur, and tiny paws cold as icicles.
In the faint light of the street lamps, I could see black oil stains on his belly and legs. Leaning over the edge of the road, I washed his face and his paws in the cold salty bay water. Not the best treatment, but I wouldn't be able to give him a proper bath for at least two hours. So he was baptized in the Bay of Kotor.
I was relieved to know that his eyes were not compromised, but he did not stop crying. To keep him warm, I wrapped him in a little bag and put him inside my sweatshirt as we walked in the cold humid evening air. Luckily we passed by a grocery store and even more luckily wet cat food was in stock. He immediately wolfed down half a pack, but he still did not stop crying.
Eventually we were home, and in the light of the apartment, I saw that his underside was coated with heavy engine oil and his whiskers on the right side of his face were burnt. Telltale signs that he had climbed inside the car engine looking for warmth. I gave him a proper bath and the other half-bag of food. But he still did not stop crying.
Poor little kitty. Perhaps only 6 weeks old, his legs were weak, mucus clogged his eyes and nose, he was cold, scared, confused and feeling sick. He couldn't breathe well. No wonder he was crying non-stop.
To keep from disturbing other people in the apartment, I took him into the bathroom. As I sat on the bathroom floor, trying to comfort him, I saw that he had left some cute little black engine oil paw prints on my shirt. Hence his new name: Diesel.
November 24th
I had to find a solution for Diesel.
I texted KOTOR KITTIES, a non-profit set up by some American tourists about three years ago that operates a successful trap-neuter-return (TNR) program, not only in Kotor but expanding into nearby communities, too. They helped me get in touch with the local coordinator of volunteers, Danijela, who owns a souvenir shop in Old Town Kotor.
I had to walk about 50 minutes to meet Danijela.
I bundled Diesel into a bag and held him in my arms as we walked a narrow road along the shore. He cried all the way.
Just about five steps from Danijela’s shop, I felt a warmth trickling down my shirt and onto my pants. He couldn't hold it anymore. I was relieved to have arrived at our savior’s place.
Upon arrival, Danijela Knezevic gave him antibiotics and eye cream. Then she instructed me to put him in the “colony," referring to a group of strays that are fed and, to some extent, managed by volunteers.
Just leave him there? I thought he would be placed in the home of a volunteer, since he would need some medical attention.
With no other option, and planning to leave town the next day, I reluctantly took him to the colony. It was a courtyard next to the church inside the Old Town Wall, dotted with four tiny houses and plates of food. About 40 cats of all sizes, shapes and colors call it home. I watched Diesel eat some food and check out the place. Other cats checked him out, too. Kind of like a mom taking her child to kindergarten for the first time, I just hoped the other kids were not mean to him. Then I walked away briskly, afraid to turn around.
Later in the afternoon, I went back to check on Diesel. But I couldn't find him. After 20 minutes of fruitless searching, I had to go, wondering what had happened to little Diesel.
I returned in the evening. Still no Diesel. Other cats came up asking for pets and cuddles, and I asked each one of them if they had seen him. Then in the quiet cold air I heard a faint cry. Could it be him?
I followed the cry to a hole at the corner of the courtyard. There he was! He stopped crying as soon as I picked him up, giving me kisses with his snorty nose. I started crying.
We went through our ritual of cleaning eyes and noses (yes, both of us), hugs, and kisses. I told this tiny 6-week-old kitten that he must be strong and fend for himself. I told him he must learn to stay here with the colony, because this is his only hope of making it through the winter.
Eventually I had to leave him again, feeling an immense guilt, unable to do anything more, as I was scheduled to leave the next morning. This could be the last time I would see him and hold him and blow warm air behind his ears.
November 25
I wanted one last goodbye to Diesel before leaving Kotor, so I went to the colony in the morning. But I couldn't find him. I went back in the afternoon, but couldn't find him. By then I knew I wasn't leaving that day.
I texted Danijela and reported a missing juvenile. She said sometimes they wandered off and suggested a few other places to look. I couldn't find him. I went back at night, shined my flashlight into every little house, and still couldn't find him.
Not finding Diesel had me worried. And seeing all those eyes inside the little houses tore my heart to pieces. They were not scared. They were not annoyed. They were just indifferent, as if they already knew I wasn't going to do anything for them. They were used to being invisible. They knew all they had was each other. In the cold night (and it wasn't even winter yet), they huddled together, waiting for another day of indifference.
This is a sad picture. But consider these cats lucky. If it weren’t for the care of Danijela and her volunteers, they would not even have their little shelters to keep them warm or food to eat. Without the trap-neuter-return program of KOTOR KITTIES, it would have been thousands more cats going through the same fate.
A Chinese proverb says it is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness. If you see the darkness in this, please light a candle. Adopt a homeless pet. Sterilize your pet and support a sterilization program. Help an animal in need. Give them food and water. Build a winter shelter for animals in your neighborhood. There will be no more darkness if enough people light candles.
With my own small candle, I would find little Diesel.
November 26
Once again, early in the morning, I went to the colony to find Diesel. Once again, this could be the last time I would see him. If he stayed in the colony, my business was finished here, and I would move on with my journey.
I finally found him inside a little house, curled up at the back corner. I put a bowl of food inside and he ate a little.
Soon he worked up his courage and came outside. He checked out the other three cat houses. Then he checked out the "public plates.” Then he went under a bush to do his business. Practically the whole morning routine of a cat. By then I knew my work was done and it was time for me to go.
I wanted to hold him one last time, but I wasn't sure if that would confuse him. As I hesitated, he made it easy for me by coming to me. Without any second thoughts, I picked him up. Once in my arms, he buried his little face in mine and he pointed his nose up, asking for kisses. I sat down on the bench and cleaned his eyes, his paws and his belly, which were quite dirty, and he again left little paw prints on my shirt.
“Be good. Don't wander off. Make new friends. Eat your food. Wash your face... ”
Like a mom dropping off her child on the first day of school, I whispered motherly advice in his ears, except that I included "Get fixed,” which wasn't what a normal mom would say to her kids. Except I knew I wouldn't be coming back to take him home.
Once again, I blew warm air behind his ears, put him down, and walked away. But this time I looked back for as long as I could. I saw him checking out his new place. I saw him sniffing other cats. I saw him growing up, warm and well-fed and playing happily with other cats in the colony of Kotor Old Town.
November 30
Some of these pictures were shared by Caren Leong, who traveled to Kotor with her partner, Kenric, to volunteer in the TNR program of KOTOR KITTIES.
Caren and Kenric are like angels dropped from the sky. They arrived two days after I left and took Diesel in to make sure he received medical attention. They cooked him fresh meals with minced meat and eggs. They took him to the vet. When his system reacted to the anti-parasite medicine, causing diarrhea and vomiting, they nursed him with love and tenderness.
He was down for a day, probably because his tummy was upset. Caren gave him a hot water bottle to keep him warm. A day later he got better and decided to play all night. Through all of this Caren has kept me updated a few times a day, and her pictures and videos always make me laugh and cry at the same time. Within a few days, that sad-looking scrawny little kitten was transformed into a handsome playful cutie pie. I can't thank Caren and Kenric enough for the love and care they have given to little Diesel.
Caren and Kenric’s main reason for being in Kotor for a few weeks was to trap and neuter as many stray cats as possible through the TNR program of KOTOR KITTIES. This work is vital for controlling the stray cat population and is the only humane and effective way to end the suffering of homeless pets. KOTOR KITTIES is a 100% volunteer-based non-profit that uses their donations to pay for this program.
Their results are astounding: Since 2018, 4700+ cats have been neutered through their fundraising efforts and their network of veterinarians and volunteers.
To support the TNR program of KOTOR KITTIES, please visit their website. I would like to point out that they use the donations only for the sterilization of stray cats and related vet costs. If you want to donate to help feed the cats, please contact KOTOR KITTIES and ask to earmark your donation for food.
December 2
In the last few days, we have been taken on a roller-coaster ride as Diesel's condition fluctuated up and down. Caren Leong has poured out her heart to take care of him and make sure that he received all the medical attention and love that he can get.
Sunday night, Diesel experienced more diarrhea and vomiting. On Monday, Caren took him to the vet and got some medication. By Tuesday, he was better and Caren made him a tuna plate. Meanwhile, we got news that our little cutie pie had found a wonderful adoptive family. Danijela Knezevic had checked with the family's vet to make sure they were good, responsible pet owners. So everything was peachy and we rejoiced for a bright future for Diesel in his forever loving home. This lovely family would come on Sunday to take him home.
On Wednesday, however, he became ill again. Caren administered liquid every hour and tried to convince him to eat, but he did not improve.
Thursday morning, Caren took him back to the vet, and little Diesel tested positive for Feline Panleukopenia, an acute viral infection that puts unvaccinated cats, especially young kittens, at risk. Dr. Relja is giving him the best medication he has: anti-viral drugs, vitamins, antibiotics, infusion and something to stop the vomiting.
I am so grateful to Caren for her untiring tender loving care. I thank Danijela for her assistance in finding a great adoption for Diesel. And I thank Dr. Relja for his professional care and kind hands that have saved so many of Kotor's kitties.
Our little warrior Diesel is so close to a happy life. We’re keeping our fingers crossed for his recovery. His light’s a little dim, but we would all continue to kindle it.
December 3
I was hoping he was just sleeping and would awaken to his loving forever family. Doesn't he look like a sweet little angel sound asleep?
I would like to think that Diesel is an angel who brings out the best of us, a "fly-by angel" who comes along just long enough to touch our hearts and teach us lessons of love and compassion.
But instead of a fairytale ending or sweet angel story, Diesel has shown us the grim reality of stray cats struggling to survive in a society that fails to value animal welfare.
Yesterday, Diesel's candle went out.
But it does not mean there is only darkness.
Diesel showed us the vital need for both sterilization and vaccination to support a viable thriving colony. Shall we all light a candle for this to happen?
If you want to share positive thoughts and constructive comments, please do. We already know the cruelty and shortcomings of the existing reality, so no need to dwell on the negatives.
We see a problem and we know there is a solution.
Let's work together to create a collaborative and supportive community to make that happen.
December 5
Diesel's foster mom remembers their time together
While in Dubrovnik, I read a post which tagged our good friend in Kotor, Danijela. She had taken in a kitten found by Eva, a tourist. Eva was heartbroken that little Diesel would live in an outdoor colony in Old Town. I offered to keep him in our apartment for a few days when we return, if necessary; Kenric is allergic to cats.
We found Diesel Friday afternoon. He was moseying around with other kittens. He was very cute, but the boy needed some warmth and definitely more medical attention. At Danijela’s souvenir shop, he got some more medicine. At our apartment, he slurped some sauce and slept like a baby, but he did not like being locked up in the carrier.
That evening, he vomited the dry food he had eaten early that morning. Soon, the diarrhea followed, and he got much weaker. Danijela told us which pharmacy is open late and Kenric rushed to get some probiotics. After the probiotics, it was water every 45 minutes, starting with one milliliter, then two, then three…, to prevent dehydration.
We were in constant communication with Danijela that night.
“Are his ears hot or cold?”
“Cold. I’ve been hugging him to warm him up.”
“Good. If you have plastic bottles put inside hot, very hot water. Then put bottles near him.”
5:30 am, another diarrhea.
We were first in line at VetPort the next morning. Dr. Relja gave him antibiotics, anti-nausea medicine, vitamins, and anti-parasite syrup to take home. Kenric and I went to Danijela’s shop to pick up the rice water she had boiled for him.
“Rice water is the best for their stomach problem.”
We forced fed Diesel mashed up Royal Canine Gastrointestinal food and rice water every hour, alternating between food and water. By late evening, he perked up. Pumped full of vitamins and meds, he was the cutest thing. There wasn’t a plastic bag he didn’t want to kill. Dropped a clothes pin? It’s his now.
I slept on the couch with him. In true kitten fashion, he wanted to play at 3:30 am. I grabbed him and tucked him in between his warm water bottles and he immediately started purring.
His vomiting stopped for about a day, but the diarrhea didn’t. Sunday evening, the poor boy suddenly vomited and pooped at the same exact moment. It was heart-breaking. Still, he kittened on. His kill list included the red laser dot. We captured some playful moments which Eva included in her post looking for a family for him. Kotor Kitties shared that post on its Facebook page.
Two followers wrote Danijela wanting to adopt him. After some consideration and a reference check call, Diesel is going to Podgorica! I told him he would be living in the capital city, and he gave me the biggest round eyes. I snapped a photo and asked Danijela to send it to his family.
When roaring thunder woke him up, squealing, I realized just how tiny he was. Kenric and I were glad he was not out in the cold. It was a violent hail storm.
We rented a car to deliver him, but decided to wait. We wanted the anti-parasite meds to completely work through his system first. We would have liked his diarrhea to stop before handing him, on a weekday, to a busy family with young children and another cat. His adoptive Mommy said she would come pick him up on Saturday.
“You’ve got to get well very soon, Diesel Boy!”
But, he didn’t. He would perk up a little after medicine and food, but would soon go back to sleep.
Wednesday evening, Dr. Relja gave him many injections. It was painful for me to hear him scream but it was nothing compared to the pain he was suffering. Dr. Relja again mentioned Panleukopenia as a possible cause. From what I’ve heard, it strikes hard and fast. That was why I couldn’t (or wouldn’t) believe that Diesel had it.
“But he lived for so long.”
“Maybe he was in incubation.”
The Feline Panleukopenia Virus (FPV) is highly contagious, and is extremely deadly for unvaccinated kittens especially those who live in shelters or colonies. But, this virus is everywhere and can live on for years. Only serious and methodical disinfecting using bleach and water can kill it.
Newborn kittens may get some protection against this virus from their mother’s colostrum. Colostrum is the milk produced by mammal mothers the first days after giving birth. It contains a lot of nutrients and antibodies that help the baby build a good immune system.
If a mama cat has antibodies against the panleukopenia virus, her kittens will receive it through this “early milk”. Even so, this passive immunity goes away within a few weeks. If a kitten is yanked from the mother and thrown out too soon, he/she will have even less protection. As deadly as the virus is, panleukopenia is actually preventable; by vaccinating the kitten beginning at about six weeks old.
We set alarms to feed Diesel water/food every hour Wednesday night through Thursday morning. Messages from Danijela came in throughout the night.
“Text me how he is doing. … … … Do you think he’s same or worse?… … … I don’t want to be boring. How is he?… … … Message me anytime. … … … It’s not good. Bring him to Relja immediately at 9. He must give him infusion and anti-vomit injection. I am so sorry for him. … … … Tell him he has chance for good family in Podgorica. … … … Give him best therapy.” Eva was wondering about a serum transfusion.
We were first in line at VetPort. The writing was on the wall. Then, came the two indisputable lines on the FPV fecal test kit. Usually, this is the time to give up, but I couldn’t. Diesel has a family, he has Danijela, Eva and her friends, Kenric, me and many Kotor Kitties followers rooting for him.
Dr. Relja frankly told me that the only reason he started treatment was because he saw how much I loved Diesel. Needle after needle; Diesel’s cries were excruciating.
“Come back tonight.”
It pierced my heart to know that he had to go through that again. Other instructions included keeping his body temperature up, and feeding him the gastrointestinal food every two hours.
A friend advised me to brace myself. We informed Diesel’s adoptive Mommy. She asked us to give him a hug, and to tell him to keep fighting and that he has loving fans in Podgorica.
Diesel didn’t like his hot water bottles anymore. He did not purr at all. He was very angry when we force fed him. He slept rather quietly until about 5 pm. He just couldn’t find a comfortable position for his head. So many times, I thought he had stopped breathing. I caressed his body and he drew a very difficult breath.
I wrote Danijela that I didn’t dare to feed him anymore because he could choke. She agreed that it will only be torture. Then I asked if I should still bring him in for another round of therapy when VetPort reopens at 6 pm.
“No. Just be with him.”
I informed Eva of the decision. She wasn’t ready to let him go. I told her he’s barely breathing and we couldn’t feed him because he couldn’t swallow. She asked for a photo of him. She understood it’s time, and preferred to just let him rest instead of taking another trip to the vet. She was devastated, and felt bad for Diesel and me.
Kenric said we should try everything we could, or at least wait and see. At 5:30, I wrote Eva that if Diesel is still breathing at 5:45, I will bring him in.
Diesel’s tiny head thrashed every now and then. He was cold. I held him. It rained, hard. I thought about the thousands and thousands of homeless kittens that died of Panleukopenia; about their last days, vomiting, diarrhea, fatigue, depression, thirsty but couldn’t drink, hungry but couldn’t eat. It is a horrible death that is preventable with a simple vaccine. I am so sad for all of them.
In my home country, Malaysia, this disease is commonly known as Parvovirus and distemper. I thought about all the stray puppies there that die of the canine version of this virus. Lost in my thoughts for a moment, I realized Diesel had stopped breathing.
“He stopped breathing.”
It was 5:40. Kenric checked his limp body, and we cried. I messaged Eva; she was devastated. Dr. Relja was very sympathetic when Kenric messaged him.
It's time to call Danijel.
“Don’t cry, Caren,” her voice cracking.
She said her animal-loving parents will receive Diesel in heaven and care for him just like they cared for all animals when they were alive. Talking about her parents made her cry even more. She would have her friend, Ivana, light a candle for Diesel at church.
I wrapped Diesel up in a towel with a can of tuna pate, a plastic bag rolled into a ball, a clothes pin and a crinkly wine bottle wrapper; his favorite toys.
Diesel lives in a ravine next to gushing water now. In the quiet autumn and winter, he will have a view of San Giovanni Fortress. In spring and summer, he will be in the shade of a big bush whose thorns will prevent him from being stepped on.
We all love you, Diesel. Sleep now.
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