Dying To Live

Those that grew up with me know me as Albert Bosley. And those that met me as an adult know me as Al. This is one of the hardest things Ive had to write. Ive battled gastroparesis since 2004. Which is a motility and digestive issue. I cannot digest food like a normal person. Which has caused me to have kidney failure, severe dehydration and stomach pain. To the point I cant walk or stand when I have a flare up. But August 18th 2023. Exactly 10yrs to the day my father passed away from cancer. I was determined to have a extremly enlarged prostate. And that there was a high probability I have prostate cancer. I was then terminated from my place of employment. Who knew of my prexisting medical condition. As well as the information I had just received from the urologist. Upon receiving the documentation requested from my pcp. I was terminated less than 48hrs later on Sept 24th. Which led to me receiving an eviction notice Nov 15th 2023. And by the skin of my teeth finding another place 12/1/23 my 42 birthday. I lost my medical insurance 12/27/23. And have been going back and forth with welfare. Trying to get medical coverage. I need to get this biopsy. To see how far along and what stage of this battle I am at. Lately Ive been extremly weak, I barely wake up these days, and within a few hours of being up? I am completly drained of any and all energy I may have had. As a man its been hard. Due to where my problem area is. Not being able to control my bladder. The constant pressure and pain in that area. As well as not being able to sit very long. Without feeling a horrible amount of pain. They say a wolf goes off to die alone. When they are weakened and know its their time. And as an introvert I have suffered in silence. Because the only thing I had left was hope. And that was erased within the last 3 months. I barely leave the house let alone my room. I have never been in this dark a place. And I have never felt this alone my entire life. I dont even know how to ask for help. Because most times the help I asked for. Ended up being just me helping myself. Yet physically I feel like I am on my way out. I just want to be able to try and fight this. But I am getting beat up daily. Trying to fight these bills and the stress that comes along with it. If ever I made any impact on anyones lives. Whether that be friends or family. I have never needed anyone as much as now.