Rebuilding from Domestic Violence
Donation protected
On March 6, 2021, Kristen’s life changed forever when her estranged husband assaulted and attempted to suffocate her in front of their children. Who knows what would have happened had their 13 year old daughter not called 911. I won’t go into all the details here, but since that time she has dealt with our inadequate court system, bullying and harassment, and significant financial loss.
She has been working full time, raising the four kids completely on her own, all while trying to recover and heal from this immense trauma. Her ex husband has now lost his job and this is going to have a significant impact on her life and her four children’s lives. Their home is the last shred of stability the kids have, and to lose it would be devastating.
No one should ever have to rely on their abuser financially, so I am asking for help for my friend, to get her through and get her on her feet. She has gone through more in the last 3 years than most of us will ever go through. She has always been there for me and her family and friends, and has never asked for anything in return. In you have the means and could help her get back on her feet and give her some space to breathe and heal, it would go a long way. Every little bit helps. Even if you can’t contribute (I know these are hard times) please consider sharing. Thank you for reading this far and please see the links below if you would like to read the full horror of what she went through and how the court system failed her and her children.
I’ll end with her own words that she wrote after giving her victim impact statement: “Every victim is asked to write a victim impact statement. A terrifying moment where you put a pen to a paper and tell the truth about how you feel now about what happened to you then. So many thoughts in your mind knowing what you are about to say, although truthful, will affect the outcome of your life and the accused’s life….or not. Everyone reads this statement, the accused, their family, the judge, the lawyers. Why do you think so many people say they are just ok? When you are a victim, you know what it is like to be hated and now you have to relive the same person hating you because you spoke the truth. It is one of the scariest things I have ever done, to say I am not ok. In a system that knows how this might weigh on you, is it really worth it? Would it be easier to lie and just say you are ok? Now an extended family who once loved you has read this, they have read you are not ok, and the extension of hatred follows. You didn’t help. You didn’t try to get their family member out of the trouble they put themselves in. They no longer speak to you. They no longer have respect for you. There is a fear that by being real, we will lose people. Those people are not your people. If people stray from you because you were honest, those are not your people. There is no defeat when you speak honestly. Trust that by telling the truth, you will come out stronger, you will heal faster because you did not lie to yourself about where your journey of healing needs to begin. If your purpose is to convince everyone that you are ok to set the accused free, you have to lie to yourself first. The only people who are mad about the truth, are those who are living a lie. So while I encourage other victims to speak their truth, I know the pain that comes with it and the aftermath of hate that follows. You may ask yourself if it is worth it, and I can tell you even with all that, with whatever outcome, it is. You may want your statement to provide a different outcome than my story, but never believe that the truth, won’t in some way, set you free. Even if it’s just the freedom from people who are not your people.”
https://ottawacitizen.com/opinion/pellerin-end-the-kid-glove-treatment-of-men-who-abuse-women-and-children/wcm/6344be2b-d7c3-486b-a89c-ec4f5cd0892b/amp/
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/ottawa/gatineau-man-intimate-partner-violence-conditional-discharge-1.6541144
https://globalnews.ca/news/9039685/quebec-crown-appeals-joshua-schoo-conditional-discharge/amp/
https://www.cbc.ca/amp/1.6761672
She has been working full time, raising the four kids completely on her own, all while trying to recover and heal from this immense trauma. Her ex husband has now lost his job and this is going to have a significant impact on her life and her four children’s lives. Their home is the last shred of stability the kids have, and to lose it would be devastating.
No one should ever have to rely on their abuser financially, so I am asking for help for my friend, to get her through and get her on her feet. She has gone through more in the last 3 years than most of us will ever go through. She has always been there for me and her family and friends, and has never asked for anything in return. In you have the means and could help her get back on her feet and give her some space to breathe and heal, it would go a long way. Every little bit helps. Even if you can’t contribute (I know these are hard times) please consider sharing. Thank you for reading this far and please see the links below if you would like to read the full horror of what she went through and how the court system failed her and her children.
I’ll end with her own words that she wrote after giving her victim impact statement: “Every victim is asked to write a victim impact statement. A terrifying moment where you put a pen to a paper and tell the truth about how you feel now about what happened to you then. So many thoughts in your mind knowing what you are about to say, although truthful, will affect the outcome of your life and the accused’s life….or not. Everyone reads this statement, the accused, their family, the judge, the lawyers. Why do you think so many people say they are just ok? When you are a victim, you know what it is like to be hated and now you have to relive the same person hating you because you spoke the truth. It is one of the scariest things I have ever done, to say I am not ok. In a system that knows how this might weigh on you, is it really worth it? Would it be easier to lie and just say you are ok? Now an extended family who once loved you has read this, they have read you are not ok, and the extension of hatred follows. You didn’t help. You didn’t try to get their family member out of the trouble they put themselves in. They no longer speak to you. They no longer have respect for you. There is a fear that by being real, we will lose people. Those people are not your people. If people stray from you because you were honest, those are not your people. There is no defeat when you speak honestly. Trust that by telling the truth, you will come out stronger, you will heal faster because you did not lie to yourself about where your journey of healing needs to begin. If your purpose is to convince everyone that you are ok to set the accused free, you have to lie to yourself first. The only people who are mad about the truth, are those who are living a lie. So while I encourage other victims to speak their truth, I know the pain that comes with it and the aftermath of hate that follows. You may ask yourself if it is worth it, and I can tell you even with all that, with whatever outcome, it is. You may want your statement to provide a different outcome than my story, but never believe that the truth, won’t in some way, set you free. Even if it’s just the freedom from people who are not your people.”
https://ottawacitizen.com/opinion/pellerin-end-the-kid-glove-treatment-of-men-who-abuse-women-and-children/wcm/6344be2b-d7c3-486b-a89c-ec4f5cd0892b/amp/
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/ottawa/gatineau-man-intimate-partner-violence-conditional-discharge-1.6541144
https://globalnews.ca/news/9039685/quebec-crown-appeals-joshua-schoo-conditional-discharge/amp/
https://www.cbc.ca/amp/1.6761672
Fundraising team: Team fundraiser (2)
Rachel Peacock
Organizer
Gatineau, QC
Thomae Rae
Team member