It could happen to you....

Hi, my name is Natalie, and I am hoping to raise enough money to help get my son the money necessary to get a thorough mental health assessment privately, which we have been denied on the NHS.

Since October of 2023, our family have witnessed a complete change in our son's personality.

He was diagnosed with Autism at age 5, since age 7, we recieved no support, despite much struggle, with no family to support us, and asking for a social worker, we were told it was not needed, so we did our best to give him the best life we could, it was never easy, but we did our best.

He is now 22 years old, and he has recently been diagnosed with OCD, and anxiety, with traits of pathological demand avoidance. For the first time ever in his life he has needed to start on medication to try and calm his mood.

We are told that he is experiencing over stimulated autism, but we are convinced this is not the case, we have never ever seen our son behave the way he has been recently.

Research seems to suggest that people with autism are more likely to develop schizophrenia, often in their late teens and early 20's.

I am keeping his name anonymous to protect our family from trolls, and showing a picture of him as a young child, rather than how he looks now to keep him safe, in this photo he was non verbal, other than to say his favourite thing which was 'Car'. He was at a car show in this photo which was something which he used to absolutely love, my son lacks any real joy in anything anymore, he is a shell of his former self. Looking at this photo is very hard, as it reminds me of much happier times for my son.

This last 9 months has been an absolute living nightmare, we have been pushed to our caring limits as a family, and had to make the heartbreaking decision a few months ago, that we could no longer offer our dear child the care and support he needed, and he moved into a supported living scheme.

I cried every day for the following 3 months, filled with guilt and that I was the worst mother in the world, who had abandoned her child, even though I know there was no option.

We had to face the harsh truth that with the increase in his violent outbursts, threats of violence to us, and his frequently saying he wished he was dead, we desperately needed help.

The huge amount of damage he has caused to our home is nothing compared to the psychological damage to us, and the harm caused to us as a family unit, which may never be repaired, as the constant strain has been so intense.

We have needed to start taking anti depressants and sleeping tablets, as parents, we need to continue to be strong for our son.

Going through this horrific experience has really taught me that you should take nothing for granted, a mental health breakdown can happen to ANYONE, and without warning.

Getting the right help is also very difficult, hence why I am hoping to raise enough to pay for help privately, as the NHS is in crisis.

You find yourself starting to doubt yourself, maybe you are the one who is in the wrong, maybe its all my fault, was I not a good enough mother? have I failed my son? Am I being punished? When will this torment end? Could I have done things different? Will he ever get better?

I would not wish what we have all been through as a family on my worst enemy, seeing your child deteriorate before your very eyes, and feeling completely helpless to do anything, whist not being listened to, fearing at anytime he may take his life, but whilst also dreading going to sleep at night, for fear of being attacked by him as you lie in your bed, is sheer hell on earth.

I have looked into the cost of a private assessment, and I believe my target including any fees taken off should cover a private assessment to see if there is another diagnosis there, as well as to cover some much needed therapy for my son to hopefully have the chance to talk confidentially about what he is going through, and to start the road back to recovery, and having a better life than what he has now.

My son used to be sociable, cheerful, never ever swore, law abiding, respectful, funny, cheeky, and just an overall very sunny, popular, friendly young man who appeared to have lots of great prospects ahead of him, he is an amazing artist, and I really think in the future he could make something of this talent, but as he is now, its hard to think along these lines.

In contrast, the person I see before me now is someone I barely recognise anymore, he is constantly on edge, a shadow of himself, completely unpredictable, the language he uses shocks me to the core, he has exposed his genitals to us, smashed up our house, threatened us with violence, punched himself, pulled out his hair, and though it pains me to say it, he is scary to be around, to be frank, we are afraid of our own son, we find ourselves walking on eggshells when we go to visit him in his supported living scheme.

I have many years experience working in a mental health background, in numerous settings, and from what I have witnessed in my roles, as well as from speaking with others who work in various mental health settings, that my son is highly likely to be suffering from a personality disorder, showing signs of psychosis, which as yet has not been diagnosed.

Without the right medication and psychological therapies, I fear that he will just deteriorate even further, and probably end up in a psychiatric unit, which I would hate to be the case, if at all avoidable.

I cant cry any more tears, I am hoping that anyone reading this can see how fragile our mental health is, and the devastating damage it can do when someone gets mentally ill, and the importance of getting help as early as possible.

My son barely goes out anymore, he has become withdrawn, and due to his severe OCD and and anxiety, he gets constantly triggered by numbers, his noise sensitivity is far worse than it has ever been, and I rarely see him smile anymore. I just want to get my son back, I feel he is lost and really needs help.

Thank you for reading this.