Help Courtney heal

Hi! My name is Courtney and I have cancer. When they told me that my cancer came back, I had tunnel vision immediately. Everything went back on hold, and i saw things in slow motion. Again. My timeline stood bright in my mind - What I've done, what I'm doing, what I've yet to do. My mistakes, my failures, my accomplishments. Gdi, my kids.

I know it's treatable, but the big C word is terrifying. Everything paused in my mind, besides life. Life continued. And continued. And continued. I've had to still deal with life, and work. So many mental breakdowns, so many. So many lol. So many doctors appointments. More breakdowns. More waiting. Trying to hold it together for my kids, my family, my partner, my friends, my co-parent, everyone. So much that I couldn't hold it together for myself. Here comes more breakdowns.

Friday 3/11/22 I had a total hysterectomy. I wasn't able to have any more kids for about 3 years now, so that's not new, and I'm COMPLETELY grateful for what I have. What's new is the pain. The finality of it. The baby fever. The pregnancies around me, that I'll never get to experience again, that everyone else is. And that sounds so fucking selfish. More breakdowns.

Silver lining: I'm cancer free now. But now because of the surgery, I have to take a couple months off of work since my job is very physical, which puts me in a huge bind because I live paycheck to paycheck.

Anything helps. Absolutely anything. I'm extremely grateful to my village that has helped. But now it's an embarrassing monetary value that I need help with.

Thank you.