Help Vivka get her life back ...

Hi. I’m Vivka. I’m a content creator, D&D role-player, and entertainer.

In 2019, I posted a #MeToo statement, hoping to gain closure and catharsis for what I went through.

In 2020, the person I wrote about began suing me for defamation. Eventually, I counter-sued.

I said someone hurt me, and it cost me everything.

My legal fees to defend myself were over $560,000. I did everything I could, I never stopped working, I sold my valuables, and I gave up everything I had saved from the past 20 years.

Ive paid out over $415,000, and I still owe almost $150,000 more.

(at the bottom the first number is the total amount, then how much Ive paid, and then my current outstanding balance. And its not done.)

I have a psychiatrist and a therapist, and I’m undergoing C-PTSD treatments. I have tried medications. I get routine psych evals. I’m doing everything I can to just ... be ok.

But I am not ok. I haven’t been ok for a very long time.

A decision on both cases was reached in July, 2022. It is hosted in its entirety (with names redacted for privacy), and even though it is incredibly humiliating, I beg you to please read it. The details are so important.

https://vivkagreystatement.netlify.app

In court, we defeated 6 out of 7 of his claims of defamation (so proved that what I said was true)... but I lost the case because I wrote that he “forced me to move in with him”, instead of saying that I FELT forced (aka coerced or pressured). His side argued that I did not experience physical force, I was not kidnapped, and so that was untrue.

He was awarded $1, and I was burdened with paying his court costs (not legal fees). He is claiming that his fees were around $15,000 (which will be decided in May, by the judge. So this is not fully over.)

Going through the entire legal proceeding was harder than anything I’ve ever known. I have struggled in silence for years, as I have had to relive my experiences and feel re-traumatized, again and again. I endured 8 grueling days in trial, over the holidays, in 2021.

I used to be happy, bright, and full of joy. Now, I have clinical depression. I have fits of trembling and shaking that go on for hours. I barely sleep, as I have constant nightmares. I have debilitating panic attacks, intense anxiety, flashbacks, and disassociation. I dont leave my home much anymore. There were far too many nights where I almost didn't make it to the next morning.

I can't fully explain how this has affected me, or how hard it has been to survive with all of this, on top of the pandemic, work struggles, and my father passing away.

I feel like Ive lost everything Ive worked so hard for, including myself.

I’ve cried almost every day for years.

I’m so scared all the time. I’m scared to post this, to say anything, to ask for help.

Im not expecting to get my legal fees back. The numbers are staggering.

I'm hoping to find some closure, again. I just need something, some sliver of hope, to feel like I’m not starting over entirely from scratch... especially when I’m barely functioning in my daily life.

If you are having any kind of financial struggles, please -do not donate-. I don’t want anyone stressing themselves for me, for this. Sharing this page is free and helpful.

But if you’ve got $1 to spare, or if I’ve brought you some joy, a smile, or a good vibe ... I could use the good deed.

I just need something to hold onto, in the hopes that I’ll eventually be ok.

Thank you for taking the time to listen.