Need Support for Victim of Domestic Violence

Hi, my name is Deb and I am fundraising for my daughter.

It was super hard for me to gather the courage to write this because I’m not good at asking for help. My parents always expressed how much you should never share your problems with anyone because it was “imposing on others.” But I also know that if I don’t ask, this story won’t have a good outcome, and I want to keep my family as safe as possible.

This story is complex and it's a lot of information, so please just stay with me and it will all come together.

I have a 26 year old daughter, Allison who was sexually assaulted in middle school. I didn't know this happened to her until recently. Shortly after the sexual assault, Allison developed narcolepsy or Excessive Daytime Sleepiness (EDS) which makes it really hard for her to wake up and sometimes she struggles to go to sleep. EDS is incurable. Once she’s asleep, she can’t hear alarms, and she needs someone to physically wake her up. Her neurologist prescribed 50 mg of Adderrall for the narcolepsy and she has been on it for 10+ years. She should never have been prescribed this much Adderrall for that long. It's for short-term, and it's damaging to the heart. It's the equivalent of being on meth or coke every day for ten years, and it impaired her ability to process thoughts, stay organized, or problem solve. We had no idea it was bad for her until a week ago.

This past year, my daughter’s mental health started to spiral. She was acting erratically, missing work, having massive mood swings, and not taking care of herself. We found out that her ex-boyfriend had been violently beating her. Two weeks ago, he kicked her in the face so hard that he broke his ankle and his foot. He slapped her repeatedly and burst her eardrum. He shattered two molars, ripped out a three inch clump of hair, and he broke her nose. The neighbors called the police and when they entered the apartment, the boyfriend was holding Allison with a gun to her head and one pointed at the door. He had held her hostage for days, and in that period she didn’t drink, eat or sleep. The boyfriend is now in jail, but we begin the long process of putting Allison back together because the situation caused her to go into a state of psychosis. Allison became paranoid, delusional and started having auditory hallucinations about a week ago. She was threatening to hurt herself stemming from the beatings, PTSD, past trauma, and the extremely high dose of Adderrall. She couldn’t distinguish what was real and what wasn’t so I put her in a behavioral hospital where she received psychiatric care. She is now in intensive outpatient treatment (IOP), additionally seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist outside of IOP—a total of 14 hours of help per week.

Allison works at DryBar and the lights and music overstimulate her, so she will only be able to work minimal hours. She’s too fragile to work currently. Allison has two children: Vivian (6) and Summer (2). Summer is with her dad, and Allison shares custody with Vivian’s dad. I’m here in St Louis caring for both Allison and Vivian indefinitely. She has never received child support and we have active court cases, so she can’t leave St Louis. The “boyfriend” threw away so many of her belongings she has to start over. I just need help until her lease expires (September) and by then I will have sold my house in North Carolina, and moved back to St Louis and she can move in with my husband and me.

I am beyond humbled to share this, but I have been paying her bills for so long that I have wiped out all our savings and I’ve been using credit cards to keep her afloat. We have applied for disability but it’s a long process and most people are denied the first attempt per our case manager. I need help so her car isn’t repossessed and she doesn’t become homeless. She needs a car to maintain her independence once the situation stabilizes. Having a two kids and not receiving child support has put enormous stress on her.

Breakdown of her bills that I know of:

Rent $1,400 per month

Car + Insurance $500 per month

Food $1,500 per month

Student loans $200 per month

Toiletries and feminine necessities $75 per month

Gas bill $100 per month

Electric bill $125 per month

Gas for car $175 per month

We are exploring government assistance programs and applying for whatever we can, but COVID wiped out a lot of the funding, especially rental assistance.

I am devastated that someone would hurt my daughter or anyone like this. The police that showed up said the scene was "horrific" and had the girls in the next apartment not called 911 they are convinced she wouldn't be here today. Thank God they got here in time.

If we have any unused funds, we will donate what remains to another victim of domestic violence. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

A quick update:

Allison is responding well in her intensive outpatient therapy. She has a new psychiatrist and therapist which has been comforting to her. Taking her off the Adderrall, we are seeing a calmer, rational, and thoughtful person emerge. She is able to understand and recall everything that's happened, and she wants to do all she can to get better. She's working on herself, and following the self-coping mechanisms she has been taught. Her eyes have life in them again, and I am thankful to God that I have a job where I could drop everything to be here to support her. Yesterday, she testified in front of the grand jury and the state was able to add additional charges of kidnapping and witness tampering. We were terrified she would have a relapse, but she did really well, and we are proud that she was brave enough to go and tell her story. Thank you to everyone who has helped. We are beyond grateful and humbled by the outreach. I personally will be paying it forward every chance I get and I know Allison will to. May God bless all of you for reading, sharing, and supporting.