Nico's Top Surgery Fund

Hi there! My name is Nico, I'm a 26 year old trans masc living in Dublin, Ireland. I have been struggling with gender dysphoria for as long as I can remember, and received my diagnosis over three years ago - after a lot of reluctance and trying to well, get over being trans, for a really long time.

I struggled a lot with the changes that were occurring to my body as a teenager, when my breasts grew and I filled out more femininely. When I presented to my family GP as a teen, with specifically problems having breasts - they determined it was actually because they were not symmetrical, and sent me for three separate 'correctional' surgeries from the age of 17-21. I was extremely reluctant to have these, and when I wore a binder to the last pre-op consultation, the surgeon encouraged me that I would ultimately feel better after 'one last go' and I should feel lucky, considering there were plenty of other women who needed this more than I did.

Needless to say, it was a waste of money, time and resources. I was left with reactive scarring on my left breast after the final surgery after contracting a particularly bad infection. Since then, I've been binding - I have never left the house without a binder on. Aside from the back and rib pain, my scars are prone to bouts of eczema that are irritated by my binders. I often dream about not having to experience this on a daily basis.

I have been on the waiting list for the National Gender Service in Loughlinstown for about 2 years now after a long time trying to get there through the outpatient services of the St. John of Gods & my GP. It is currently estimated that the wait times to be even initially seen by the NGS is 6-8 years.

It's a well known fact within the trans community in Ireland, the National Gender Service is a practice not fit for purpose. It relies on a battery of often inappropriate psychological screening that requires having your parent/guardian there to 'verify' your transness, even having to listen in on sexual questions that many are not comfortable discussing with parents there - and yes, even if you are an adult. It's incredibly infantilising and inappropriate, and if you do not comply, you can risk losing your only chance in this country to access transitional healthcare.

Luckily enough through some help and a lot of hard work, I have been able to access private transitional care through GenderGP, which after receiving my gender dysphoria diagnosis last November, has allowed me to start using T since April 2021. As wonderful as this is - my own GP has refused to provide me with the blood tests required and it is a struggle trying to find means to get the results needed at the moment. I have enough T for the foreseeable future, but I worry a lot about how long I am going to have access to this while I wait for a service I will realistically not see until the cusp of my 30s.

And I would really, really, like to be able to look at my graduation photos and not hate what I see, for once. So that's why I'm asking for help on this. I still live at home, in debt from college and working a retail job, dog walking and online commissions just to make ends meet; my mam is supportive, but she's 61 and will probably be working till she can't just to keep the roof over our heads. I already owe her a lot, for getting me this far, and I really don't want to ask her for anything else.

I want to feel confident in a future where I can give back to her, the community, and the people who have supported me along the way.

The costs will break down as:

I am saving as much as I can as I won't be able to work for 6 weeks post surgery, as well - which is hard when you're living paycheck to paycheck. I wish I could be patient and wait but each day is becoming more difficult, and I find it hard to imagine a future with breasts - as dramatic as that sounds.

I want to be able to feel at home in my own body for once. Thank you for getting this far and even if you can't support me financially, my art and trans activism is here, if you want to check it out.

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