I'm a survivor

Hi my name is Sharon and I'm a survivor of domestic abuse and narcissistic behaviour. Three years ago I thought I met the man of my dreams and I was happy that I had a life to look forward to. I was about to turn 50 years old, so you can imagine how I felt to actually find someone and yes I let my heart rule my head. I was financially secure and had everything you could possibly need whilst this man came with nothing but the shirt on his back. At the time it didn't bother me because he filled my head with 'I'm going to get a job, I will support and protect you, we will have an amazing future'. A year later he still had no job and our future was looking more like a pipe dream waiting to happen. When he would receive his benefits he would cause an argument and disappear and would only come back when he had spent it all on what I now call his 'drug benders'. He was drinking in excess when I was at work and I'd come home with him lying on the sofa and the breakfast dishes were still in the sink. He was a master of excuses and I should have kicked him out but the thought of losing him out weighed the not losing him.

I started to notice items going missing, laptop, ipad, jewelry and money from my bank account. Withdrawals made at 2am in the morning when I would have been asleep. He was taking my card to withdraw money so that he could buy alcohol the next day and thought I wouldn't notice. I cut off his supply by hiding everything and that's when it all went south. I would get verbal abuse thrown at me. 'You're worthless and nobody will want you' was his favourite. At this point I didn't know what narcissistic abuse was. I'd heard the words but never did I think I was in that category. I was mentally drained and yes I became very afraid of him. I felt like I was trapped in a situation that I helped create. Everyday was like walking on eggshells. I was living my worst nightmare and I couldn't escape because now the threats came. 'If you leave me I will track you down, I will kill myself' etc. He would say I was cheating on him and would hold me down so I couldn't go to work. He would lock me in the cupboard until I apologised for my behaviour. It was just madness in the worst possible form.

When he knew that he wasn't breaking me, that's when it got physical. Now he is a 6ft 5 guy and very strong whereas I'm 5ft 6 and a weakling so I didn't stand a chance against him. I would wake up after he had knocked me out with his foot on my head and a cord around my neck. I had to take endless amounts of time off work because I was to embarrassed to reach out for help. This meant more time that I had to spend with him bowing down to his every need. If I didn't give him my bank card he would smash things up around the house. Doors windows, tvs until I handed it over. My mentality was if he got drunk then maybe he would fall asleep and I'd get some respite but no, when that bottle was finished, he'd want another one and another one.

Over the three years my savings of £12,000 had dwindled to £0 and that's when he started taking an interest in Facebook and liking random girls pictures and watching porn. I know now he was trying to find a new supply and my heart skipped a beat because maybe, just maybe he will move on and leave me to piece my life back together. Nothing is that simple and even though I wouldn't wish him on my worst enemy nobody was taking an interest. I just wanted him gone so I knew I had to take a beating because I also knew my neighbour was in and it was now or never. It hurt like hell but the police were called and they took him away. They remanded him straight away because of the severity of my statement and the injuries and he was charged with assault by beating. Threats to unalive me were dropped as part of the plea deal. He is due to be released in June and I need to get out of this house and away from the area so that he cannot find me and I have no financial support. The police said they would help but they were not interested after the conviction so I am reaching out to you kind folk to help me rebuild my life. Anything would be a blessing at this point in time. Nobody should have to go through what I have and I know there are lots of men and women still going through this nightmare that we mistakenly took as love.