Raising money for Mental Health community projects

Hi, my name is Callum Davidson and thank you for taking the time to visit this page.

Aim

I will be running the Birmingham Half Marathon on the 4th May in the hope to raise money for the Mental Health related projects of both Community Trusts for Motherwell FC and Wigan Athletic. My aim is to give back to the communities that helped me. I have seen first-hand the amazing work of both trusts, and the positive impact their Mental Health related projects have on their local communities. The projects provide a safe and supportive network to help people understand and tackle their mental health issues and provide the foundations for a new beginning. I also aim to tell my story and raise awareness about some of the realities of mental health issues. Hopefully, people who read this might resonate with my story and encourage them to reach out and talk. I want to try and create a support network in the hope people realise they are not alone, and we are in this together.

My story

My entire adult life I have struggled with mental health related issues. At first, like most people, I had very little understanding of it. I assumed I was an 18-year-old navigating my way through life’s challenges, enduring the natural stresses of academia and University. As years went by, I graduated university and began working in professional football. I was working in part-time women’s football for Leicester City Women and later relocated from Dudley to the North-East to work for Hartlepool United and begin a new challenge in full-time football. I was well on the way to pursuing a dream career.

I embraced the new job and was thoroughly enjoying the experience. Despite this, the job came with its own challenges. My lifestyle was very intense with a 7-day working week being the norm, very limited work life balance and I felt extremely isolated being away from family and friends. As a young therapist, I made a tonne of mistakes, but in the same breath, I felt like I was developing and embracing the culture and learning experiences. I assumed my internal struggles were more down to stress and the pressures of full-time football, as well as feeling a bit isolated and lonely due to an absence of a support network, I did not realise the full extent of my issues at this time. Upon closure of the 2019/2020 season, I lost my job during COVID; however, I was fortunately offered an opportunity to work for Salford City FC several months later. I also began studying my MSc Degree in Strength & Conditioning at the University of Salford, which was an ambition of mine for quite some time. Amongst my hectic work schedule, personal struggles, and pursuing a full-time MSc, I was also dealing with the loss of my mom to cancer in May 2021. I found this incredibly tough to deal with, however, I did not want to burden anyone with my troubles, I have always been reserved and not one to talk about emotions. My internal struggles were heightened around this time, and I resorted to excessive drinking to cope with my feelings and life stresses to numb these ever-growing intense emotions. I was also facing some financial issues which added to my concerns. I found myself significantly more emotional and a change in my character. I kept telling myself that this is a normal reaction to the recent emotional trauma I had experienced. I continued to pursue my work and my masters in the hope I would pull through this, but things began to get progressively worse. I was incredibly embarrassed, scared and conflicted about reaching out for help. I felt guilty as people have a significantly harder life than what I do. I did not understand why I felt this way and what the cause was, how could I expect anyone else to?

After a year and a half, I acquired a new job in Scotland at Motherwell FC. For those that know me will understand the deep connection I have to Scotland and how much of an amazing opportunity this was for me, although I was initially apprehensive about such a big move. However, I eventually told myself that this is a fresh start, a new adventure and a new challenge in a place that has deep meaning to me, and perhaps, this is just what I needed. Once I had moved, I felt like I had pulled through and I had taken back control of my life. I was excited, I was thoroughly enjoying my job, I had completed my MSc, I was embracing everything about Scotland, and I felt like myself again. I was fortunate enough to meet and work with some great people and experience some fantastic things. However, after just under the year mark, things began to rapidly spiral beyond imagination and compared to previous experiences. I didn’t understand why, I couldn’t get control of it. Despite loving everything about Scotland and my job, I felt lost, isolated, conflicted and was suffering. After months and months of battling daily internal conflicts in my head, I turned up every day to work trying to maintain a perception that nothing was wrong. I tried to immerse myself in my work as a distraction. I was putting up a façade and I was emotionally exhausted; I had nothing left. I could not escape the seemingly never-ending pain and torment. Every day I felt like I was battling life, and I had nothing left to give. I lost my passion, my drive and my identity. I neglected myself physically and mentally, I did not recognise myself. I didn’t know what else to do. It was made worse as I did not understand why I felt this way. I eventually got to the point where I was contemplating taking my own life. I remember one night specifically, I sat up until early hours in the morning with a handful of pills, staring at them, I couldn’t control my emotions. Fortunately, a moment of clarity swamped me, and I was able to snap out of it.

The next day I went into work, I felt empty, like I was on autopilot, and instead of taking my usual route to the physio room and the gym, I took myself in the opposite direction into the staff offices and walked into the office of our chef exec, Alan Burrows, whom I had a fantastic relationship with. I sat down, I struggled to find the words, I hadn’t planned to tell someone, but I eventually admitted that I needed help. I was overwhelmed with an intense wave of emotion. I had been battling this for around 8 years of my life, and this is the first time I had spoken to anyone about my issues. Eight years of emotion, pain and struggles came flooding to the surface. I truly believe that conversation saved my life.

Over the next several months, Alan organised for me to speak to a specialist and offered endless amounts of support through the club, to which I am forever grateful and thankful. I began to tackle the issue, I began to learn about potential causes and worked very hard to get control of this. Around this time, I met my ex-partner who was also an instrumental part of my life. I felt I had found an element of peace and happiness again; I was able to talk to her about everything. Her selflessness, unwavering support and unconditional love was everything to me and she played a huge role in my recovery, even beyond the end of our relationship a few years later. She would have moved mountains for me. This newfound ability to talk to someone really allowed me to begin embracing my issues and tackling them head on. I truly loved her, and I am forever grateful to have been able to spend time with that person and have someone care about me the way that she did.

As time went on in Scotland, I continued to struggle, however, this time I felt I was in more control and had begun to make positive steps to tackling the issue through the help of specialist support and more of a support network. After considering several factors not related to my issues, I made an incredibly difficult decision to leave a place and a job that I loved and called home. I decided that a new opportunity was needed, and I was fortunately offered a role at Wigan Athletic. Over the next several months, through the change in circumstances came new challenges. I was feeling excited and optimistic about my new role and like I had control over my life and my mental health related issues, however, things took a drastic turn in which I plummeted lower than I ever had done. I couldn’t explain why I felt this way, I didn’t understand why. Not being able to rationalise it to myself made it significantly worse for me, I felt trapped in a constant vicious cycle of poor mental health and each episode was more severe. I was at my lowest and darkest moment, I had never felt so alone and isolated. I felt lost. I was questioning my self-worth, I had constant anxiety, I had financial issues, and I never felt settled as I did not have a permanent residence. I constantly questioned my professional ability, plagued with chronic self-doubt. I distanced myself from people I loved because I felt empty and like I wasn’t good enough, I felt like a burden. I felt angry and scared. I felt like a failure, and I wasn’t worthy to live. I couldn’t see a future. Every day for several years I was battling internal conflicts trying to convince myself that it would be much easier if I wasn’t here. I was in constant pain and emotionally exhausted, I just needed it to end.

Learning from previous experience, I wanted to try and get control of this quickly, and I spoke to the club Doctor, ‘Doc’ Jonathan Tobin. Doc was another significant figure in my life who I am very grateful and thankful for. We discussed things at length, and he offered support and even invited me for walks. I trialled some medication and we discussed strategies and challenged issues head on. However, for whatever reason, I just felt like I was spiralling out of control. It was at this point where I had decided I had had enough, and I wanted this to end. I couldn’t see a resolution. I had given up. I had written a letter, I had sorted my affairs, and I had attempted to take my own life. I am extremely fortunate that this attempt failed.

That day I called the Doc, and we had decided that I need to make some real changes and control the controllables and I needed to learn more about why I felt the way I did. I decided to leave the club in pursuit of resolving my issues. It was at this moment I called my dad to explain everything – this was a very tough thing for me to do. My dad has always supported me in every way possible my entire life, he is the epitome of what a dad should be. His selflessness and endless support are something I cannot thank him enough for, despite having been dealt an extremely tough hand in life after losing his wife, my mom.

It has been a long journey; I have just celebrated turning 30. Over the years I began to become extremely distant, dismissive and neglected the people I loved, and as a result, I ruined a significant relationship which was everything to me. I have some significant regrets, I have made mistakes, I completely lost myself and control of my life and I have attempted to take my own life. However, over-time, I have worked very hard in getting help. I have invested time in myself, I have talked to people, I have made significant life changes, and I feel I have my life back. A big part of my help was talking to some of my closest friends, and I cannot thank them enough for all their love and support. Some of my friends and family won’t realise I even had any struggles until they read this, but by them just being there, it still had a positive impact on me – thank you. I still face difficult episodes of mental health related issues; however, I am in a much better place to tackle them. I have found that talking is such a powerful tool. Sometimes you are helping someone, and you have a massive impact without even realising it. I also learned that the key is understanding the triggers. Once you do, you can begin to challenge them during episodes of poor mental health. Understanding them is the hard part in my experience, and there is still a lot that I don’t fully understand now. I have found that just by talking to people, that has had such a positive impact on my life and enabled me to better understand and challenge my issues. I felt like I wasn’t alone anymore. I am someone who hated the idea of talking about my emotions, and I still find it incredibly difficult now, however, I also recognise how powerful a tool it is. Hopefully, people who read this might resonate with my story and encourage them to reach out and talk. I want to try and create a support network in the hope people realise they are not alone, and we are in this together.

Please share this page, and if you can, please donate to the Community Trusts of Motherwell FC and Wigan Athletic, so they can continue to support their respective communities and help challenge Mental Health related issues.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

I have also set up an Instagram account for people to follow updates about the fundraiser and most importantly, a place for people to reach out should they need it.

Instagram: running_with_callum

About the Trusts (Donations will be split equally)

Motherwell FC Community Trust

For Motherwell Football Club the community is an important part of the club, It is why the club formed in the first place and why it still exists today; working with the local community is part of the integral fabric of the club. The Fir Park club became the first club in Scotland's top flight to become fully owned by fans in 2017.

It is our belief that football should be available for people to engage with day in day out, not just on match day.

Football is a powerful tool for engagement. Football clubs have the power to engage people in the way that few other organisations can; it is part of everyday life that people can relate to. Partners choose to work with clubs because they can see that they can use them as a tool for engagement and football clubs have good access to a wide demographic. They can and do seek to influence the lifestyles of people in a positive way.

Engaging with the community and undertaking community work is both a way for Motherwell Football Club to give something back to the local community and to engage the fans of the future in the game and club.

As one of Scotland's top clubs, Motherwell Football Club has a very strong brand which provides an opportunity to engage in community activities in a way which is different to any competitor.

As the official charity of Motherwell Football Club, the Trust uses the brand name of the club and the power of football to bring positive change to the local community.

Impact Report: https://www.motherwellfcct.co.uk/Our-Impact/

Programmes: https://www.motherwellfcct.co.uk/Programmes/

Wigan Athletic Community Trust

Working with Wigan Athletic towards equality in health, life chances and communities. Each year, Wigan Athletic Community Trust works with over 12,500 people on projects based around Schools, Community Development and Training and Skills, aiming to:

• Increase participation in sport across all levels of society – particularly those from under-represented groups

• Encourage young people and adults to lead healthier and more active lifestyles

• Improve the skills, aspirations and opportunities for disadvantaged young people and groups

• Contribute towards increased community cohesion by improving the quality of life of people of all ages

The Trust employs over 60 members of staff across 30+ different projects and programmes to support the most vulnerable members of society and ensure that everyone we work with can improve their health, life chances and positively engage in the local community.

Relevant links are the website Wigan Athletic FC - Wigan Athletic Community Trust and our 2023/24 Impact Report https://bit.ly/4jH3uoc