Benny is a freaking rockstar

My sweet son, Benny, was in a tragic car accident this year that has drastically changed our lives forever…physically, emotionally, and financially. There simply aren’t enough words to explain our situation, but I’ll try my best. 

 On the morning of January 31, 2022, Benny left home with his boyfriend Gabe. They spent the day in Panama City, visiting local shops and just spending quality time together before we were planning to move the next day to our next volunteer posting in Pensacola. Sadly, that next day never came for Gabe, and almost didn’t for my Benny. 

 On their way home (both not wearing seatbelts), Gabe (the driver) lost control on a dirt road, spinning a full 360 before hitting a tree at a very high speed. Gabe was ejected from the vehicle where he died instantly and Benny was near fatally wounded with a brain injury, as well as a severely bruised heart and lung, which led to cardiac arrest where Benny’s heart stopped for 10 minutes. 

 If you read the newspaper article, it reports two women in this tragic accident, but anyone who knew them, knew that they were two guys… Benny and Gabe. A tragedy and an inspiration for the trans community and anyone who knew and loved them. 

 

That night, Benny was sent to ICU, and sadly, Gabe did not make it… forever breaking our hearts as he parted from this world. We love you so much Gabe! Missing you every day…

 These have been the hardest months of my life as I’ve struggled with grief and worry, watching my child fighting for his life and now fighting to get his life back; as well as him battling his own frustrations with his current condition and the immense grief, now that he knows about Gabe’s passing. 

 The car was completely demolished, as you can see in the picture below. It is an absolute miracle that Benny survived at all… more than survived… this kid climbed out of that mangled car and crawled to his friend’s side, trying to save him, flagging down another vehicle before fainting with shock and overwhelming grief upon realizing his friend had already passed. When the EMS arrived, they roused Benny for a moment though he seemed confused and then he promptly went into cardiac arrest. His heart stopped for 10 minutes as they worked to revive him with his heart sluggish from the impact bruise. Thankfully he was revived and came back to us fighting for his life. And he’s been fighting ever since to regain his mind and body and his broken heart. 

 On that first day in the ER, the doctors had no hope for Benny. They told me that he was brain dead and strongly urged me to let him go. His pupils were dilated and fixed, he was completely unresponsive to every stimulus and by all their opinions already gone; this is a scene that will be eternally burned into my brain, every parents worst nightmare come to life. Benny lay as of dead on that gurney and i just wanted to die with him. But as i sat there holding his hand and sobbing at his bedside listening to those terrible things the doctors said, i became overwhelmed with the feeling that i simply could NOT let him go… i could feel him in there, so strong and fighting to live. A mothers intuition screaming at me to fight for him. Somewhere in my soul i just knew that he was not gone and i made up my mind right then not to give up. I refused to believe the doctors prognosis that at best he’d be a living vegetable. I told them that i didn’t want to hear their opinions anymore, that i was choosing to believe in a miracle, that i would NOT let him go and to do everything that they could to save him. I told them that i could not believe that the powers that be would let him survive that terrible car crash, and then survive a heart attack for nothing. It just was not his time. They looked at me with pity and disbelief, but they agreed to do whatever they could…and that’s how our journey began. Fighting tooth and nail for this precious life. And thank the powers that be that i did not give up on him, because he’s still here and proving the doctors wrong every day! 

 Ultimately, Benny suffered moderate face wounds, a fractured sternum and ribs from the cpr efforts, a severely bruised lung and severely bruised heart which have since healed, a brain injury with internal hemorrhage etc. It most definitely did not look good on that first day. It was really really bad. He was holding on by a very thin thread and a whole lot of mom’s love and tears and determination.

 It’s been a long hard road with so many trials and scary moments, but there have also been sooo many improvements since that first day… This kid is a true miracle! 

 It has been a difficult and terrifying journey to say the least, but it is looking more and more hopeful every single day as he has become more and more aware and responsive every day and as his body heals. He has gone from a hopeless 3 on the GCS coma scale, not moving at all and hooked up to life support, to a very hopeful 15 in a span of months (15 being the highest score), speaking his first words and taking his first steps with mama’s help. 

There is soooo much to tell, so much that has happened and improved over these past few months. More than i can list here. The videos on our Tiktok page show his improvement better than anything, truly. You can see these videos and follow his journey from day one to present on our Tiktok channel @bennyisafreakingrockstar . We also have a Facebook page by the same name, but i post more frequently on Tiktok simply because of the better loading speed and my limited time online 

 Fyi…For any who do visit the FB page and scroll far enough back, you may see where I had originally created the FB page using his dead name. This was because the doctors had told me that he would most definitely have amnesia and most likely would not remember a couple years back. And so, with that possibility, i was afraid to call him Benny in case he didn’t remember that name, afraid of causing confusion and more fear in an already scary situation for him. So i had opted to use the fail safe, just in case, the dead name. After a few months, he was finally able to let me know that he remembered being Benny, thank goodness! And so I have since changed the page to his true name, as the doctors were, yet again, wrong! This kid remembers everything except for the accident. He remembers his social security number, our birthdays, just everything. Some things are still fuzzy or forgotten, but not the important stuff. I wish i had the time to edit the old posts with the correct name, but mostly i am just focused on moving forward with the new posts and taking care of Benny, helping him to get strong and recover 

 So moving forward… 

I have created a Patreon page, a go fund me and other ways to donate for anyone interested in helping us through this difficult time. I have not worked since the accident, as i have been Benny’s full-time caregiver, and now our only income is SSI in the very small amount of $890 a month. It is mind blowing, to say the least, this financial blow; going from making no less than 3k a month to living on only $800 a month. Mind blowing. This amount only covers our car payment, car insurance, phone bill and gas. With nothing leftover for housing etc. Fortunately we have our camper to live in and a friend that has let us park on their property temporarily, not a permanent arrangement. We have until January to figure something else out and i have no idea how we’ll do that as we can no longer save towards land or afford lot rent. 

Originally, we had bought this camper and had signed up to do state park hosting so that we could live rent free while we saved up to buy a small piece of property and build a tiny home. However, now that i can’t work we have no way to save for that goal. Insurance would pay for in-home care so that i could go back to work, but I am just not willing to leave Benny’s side yet. Not until i feel that he is truly safe. The one time that i did let someone else watch him for only 5 minutes while i walked out to my car, i came back inside to him choking to death on his own vomit while the sitter was completely unaware. So until he can defend himself against things like that, i will not quit my vigil at his side as his guardian and caregiver. I just won’t. 

 However, with this devotion comes a great financial sacrifice. Insurance covers all of the medical bills and most of the supplies but not all of them. The things that we need that are not covered are things like therapy tools, Incontinence supplies, personal necessities for Benny and myself, probiotics and multivitamins, CBD oil for him, and also just being able to afford to get Benny out of the house for an occasional fun day. As well as the other dilemma that we are faced with in the Housing situation. 

 So we are now at a very confusing and difficult crossroads, trying to figure this out. This is where we need your help, your support throughout Benny’s recovery so that i can remain at his side without having to suffer poverty level survival. I need to be able to provide him with any necessities that arise that aren’t covered by insurance, as well as just being able to afford occasionally getting him out of the house for fun stuff, rather than staring at four walls 24/7. I know this is nobody’s responsibility but my own, but i also am a firm believer in the power of community and compassion for those in sincere need, like us. So, if you can, if you’re able, we would greatly appreciate any help that you can give during this time of great hardship. 

 I thank you in advance for all of your help and love for Benny and myself. I really appreciate you all so much more than words can say, both for your financial aid as well as your friendship and caring. You have been such an amazing support system throughout this whole ordeal from day one. I hope that you will continue praying for more miracles and healing for this wonderful child of mine. Please pray to keep my baby safe and strong as we navigate these unfamiliar waters. And thank you for the miracles that have already worked through him! 

 You can donate through Patreon and receive postcards from us in return, featuring selections of Bennys beautiful artwork from before the accident at patreon.com/bennyisafreakingrockstar 

 You can also view our videos and follow Bennys journey to recovery on Tiktok at Bennyisafreakingrockstar