Please help me get my life back together.

When I was discharged from the hospital 12 years ago, we were driving across Central Park to my apartment. I looked out the car window and thought about my future and if I would ever heal completely from this TBI. 

Today, it's impossible for me to navigate my life and it feels like I’m spiralling down and backwards. How did it come to this? Never in a million years could I have imagined that I would end up here. 

I’m 63 years old, about to turn 64, and I’m homeless, broke, unemployed, disabled, living with a TBI, a fused, spine, intensely painful neuropathy, a damaged vestibular system and living in an ashram in the Bahamas. 

If I had envisioned this future, I might have ended it a long time ago. My home is a 8‘ x 8‘ tent that’s not tall enough for me to stand up in. I have a lamp that lights up powered by batteries which I’m soon to run out of. I’ll be left with my little tiny handheld flashlight, and one that straps around my forehead so that I can see in the dark at 5:30am when I’m supposed to get up and start my work as a karma yogi. 

What has happened to my life. There was a special, guest Swami teaching a few weeks ago and she asked a rhetorical question: Do you know why babies cry so hard when they’re born? For a split second, after they take their first breath, they have this thought or impression:

‘Are you serious?!!! Not again!’ 

I’m not sure how I feel about being reincarnated or where we go when we die. Do we come back? I certainly hope not. The eastern religions believe so. 

As things stand today, my plane ticket will take me to Halifax, Nova Scotia. I have no idea how I managed book a return flight to an eastern province where I know absolutely no one. I have a little to no funds and when I land and will likely end up in a homeless shelter or the emergency room at some hospital. I have no idea. My passport is about to expire. 

I have no clue how to manage my life since being forced to leave New York when the pandemic started. The multiple fractures in my spine and fusion of T11-L1 has left me with little to no sensation in my lower body, especially mid thigh to my feet. My vestibular system was damaged and my balance is poor. The peripheral neuropathy is so painful, I can barely walk and stand on my feet when I first get up in the morning. I feel like I’m not going to be able to get through the rest of the day. For some reason I keep going and I keep moving. 

My life here is about service: sweeping and mopping floors, setting up for special events and guest speakers, lifting items far beyond my capacity and serving 100’s of guest always coming and going. I have broken my toe and fractured my pelvis from two serious falls and was taken to hospital with little to no treatment. I am out of medications that I desperately need to treat my many ailments, neuropathy, anxiety, insomnia and other illnesses. 

I honestly don't know what I was thinking when I made the decision to come here. I was isolated, got evicted from the house I was renting and was desperate for human contact. I failed to think about what would come next. I was determined to save my boy Axel and spent far too much money on veterinarian bills. He was not well but was so full of love and was my constant companion. I should have likely let him go two years ago but my heart would not let me admit what was best for him. I am separated from my boy Buster who has been with me since I got discharged from hospital 12 years ago. I ache to be reunited with him. 

Thinking back, there were mistakes that I have made, and I have no idea why. No one understands the extreme challenges of living with this TBI and all my injuries. I sought out assistance from the Canadian government but did not qualify as I had not paid taxes in Canada for almost 30 years. I could not get a general practitioner and have not been seen by a western doctor since leaving NYC in 2020. 

I will eagerly start working at some job, grocery story, coffee shop or janitor work. I know that eventually I will resume my work teaching and will get my memoir published and continue writing my book on the movement technique I spent 28 years developing in New York City. 

 My immediate needs: 

-housing - an AirBnb or a room I can rent 

-some warm clothing as all I have with me is for hot weather and it will be cold wherever I end up in Canada (I will be going to used clothing stores and The Salvation Army for my attire) 

-food 

-medication - once I can afford to resume my meds I will be in much better condition to work and get through my days 

-enough money for some means of public transportation 

-phone service as I have none 

-a provincial teaching certificate so that I can substitute teach and earn some money 

I am definitely not finished making my contribution to the world in this last quarter of my life. I would be so grateful if you could help me help me get through this extremely challenging time. 

If you have already donated, please know how grateful I am for your support. If you could share this with anyone you know who might have the means and desire to assist me, it would make the world of difference. 

 God Bless and thank you for taking the time to read this update.  

Theo

***I have attempted to upload a few pictures. I have sketchy internet access but will make every effort to do so.