End this Era

one thing most people don't know about me is that I was a victim of unwanted sexual contact 3 and a half years ago. Yes, I am talking about rape, but that is my least favorite word; it is so hard to say. It took me 3 whole years to tell my mom, and now some members of my family. I wouldn't normally share these types of things with people, because all it does is cause negative reactions and unwanted attention, but it is something I just simply cannot hold onto anymore so YES, I was a victim and I don't care who knows anymore. It is finally time that I tell my story, and admit to something that bothered me for so long. so many people hide these stories and feelings like me just because the more is talked about, the more it hurts, the more it brings bad memories, the more time they need to heal but rape is and will NEVER okay. I don't care who you are. It is NEVER okay. I spent the last few years blaming myself for something that actually was not my fault, because it is something I will never be able to fully erase from my mind. It takes everything in me to talk about it, and not because I want the attention, because believe me, why would anyone want people to know that about them? I sure as hell don't. I always thought sex was for someone you really love, someone you trust, someone who actually cares about you, so when this happened to me, I was so broken inside. I felt as if I went against my own religion and was so un-pure, and all this other BS just because of another person's actions. I worried so much about what other people would think about me, and didn't even know how to feel or think about what just happened to ME. I didn't even care about how badly it hurt me physically, emotionally, and mentally, because all I wanted was to be accepted and feel as if I was okay even when I wasn't. I spent so many years super self-conscious and never thought I could actually love myself. It took me THREE years to fully grasp my situation and realize that I am actually surprisingly a wonderful person (most of the time). Most people blame the victims, and obviously I will always wish I could go back and have prevented it, but I can't. It is something I will always remember and have to deal with, but although it is so unfortunate and I hate myself so much for it, I have become so much stronger from it, and from all the other shitty unfortunate events in my life. Not once did I try to get revenge, even when others wanted me to get justice because all I want is to make other people's lives better just because I KNOW what it's like to want to just end it all and make everything go away. People who haven't been through it, don't understand so please don't try to or tell those who have that they are in the wrong. I might sound dramatic, and I am sure many people will read this and think less of me, or just hate on me, but it's okay because I have finally reached contentment. I am finally okay. I do not need anyone to tell me how to feel, because I don't even know how to feel, but what I do know is, how others treat me, does not define who I am. And who I am, is so much better than I ever knew or imagined. I hate talking highly of myself, but honestly, I am full of so much love, and have a lot to give, and if anyone, I mean ANYONE ever needs someone, I am here. I will never tolerate unwanted sexual contact, and will fight for anyone so that they may never feel the pain I have secretly felt for years. You truly never know what people have been through, are going through, and what they will go through throughout their lives so please always try to be kind and treat others the way you want to be treated. Life is short. Life is precious. But never let how others treat you make you feel less than you are, because you have so much to offer to the world, and it simply would not be the same without you in it whether you believe it or not; it is not too late and you are never alone, so please don't end your life just because someone else wanted to potentially end it for you. I have a million flaws, and just simply don't care anymore. I am no longer afraid, and no longer hiding. I want to help people heal from their cuts, tears, and bruises. I want to change the way people feel about themselves, and be a constant reminder to them that they matter. I am starting a GoFundMe, not to raise money for myself, but to help this foundation because I am a strong advocate and believe it is so important get back up on your feet and never let anyone push you back down. I hope to make a difference in people's lives and make the world a better place while on this earth for the very short time I have. I hope to raise $20,000 since I am 20 years old because every little bit can change a victim's life.