Save a Struggling Mother of 2 Young Children
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I am a single mother of two young children, a baby and a toddler. What I am about to share with you, I thought would never happen to me.
I am setting up this fundraiser to provide financial aid to battle intimate terrorism – coercive controlling abuse which has shattered my life and split apart my children and family with a series of complex set of litigations staring ahead of me. I have been dragged into this against my will. I find myself captive, entrapped in a world of confusion, contradiction and fear.
I am on my knees seeking funds in the region of £70k - £100k as advised by my legal team. I have already exhausted the funds I have been borrowing from family, friends and maxed out my credit cards.
You will not see my scars, for they are seared into my soul forever.
I feel like I have been screaming into a dark abyss but no sound coming out. This extreme pain has led to my voice on this platform. Will you kindly hear me through my words? And hold my hand?
Every time I tried to leave the marriage, I couldn’t. I just couldn’t understand why I couldn’t. He kept pulling me back in, promising to make things better.
Empty. Words.
Why did I feel worse each time I stayed? Now it is too late. Now I ask myself, would it have been better if I had just stayed and not left. Stayed and kept a smile on my face. Stayed and continued to be the wife who held everything together? Stayed because it was easier than leaving?
From the outside, we seemed like the couple who had everything.
But I had been walking on eggshells for years. These are now shattered. I had always been silently living in fear, the silent torture, the terror crept in so slowly, drip, drip, drip, over the years that I had not noticed just how bad it became until it was too late.
I have been subjected to one of societies hidden issues – psychological, post-separation abuse and emotional terrorism, orchestrated by my ex-husband to continue his exertion of power and control to entrap me and my children in multifarious ways.
My ex-husband, knowing I cannot afford payments for legal bills has forced me into a high conflict court arena. He has cut me off financially. I begged him not to this, not like this. I asked friends to tell him to stop this destruction. I asked him to talk to me. I requested him to sit around a table to discuss ways forward. But he refused.
I am seeking justice to save my life and my children’s future from my abusive ex-husband.
Last year, I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby boy. I had a traumatic pregnancy (on-going abuse which almost resulted in the death of my unborn) but we made it to full term. My daughter, a gorgeous, thriving little firecracker, was thrilled to have a baby brother. It all seemed so idyllic if you were looking at my life from the outside. Almost perfect.
But it was not.
My husband walked out on me weeks after giving birth without any explanation at the time we needed him the most.
It felt like I had been hit by a train. Again. Again. And again.
Why would he do this?
I asked him what was happening. It was like he had changed into an entirely different person. On top of what I had already experienced from him, and his family over the years, now he became aggressive. His speech, tone, behaviour all flaring out of proportion. I am scared, confused, lost, and numb. I knew something was really very wrong.
The threats started. Now he is using the children. He has weaponised the children.
Before I knew it, he had come storming into the home, shouting, swearing, hurling abuse, and my eyes and ears could not believe what was unfolding, “I am taking them and there is nothing you can do!” whilst grabbing toddler off the floor as she played with her toys, going from smiles and little chatter to her crying hysterically, frightened by her father’s behaviour.
He. Kept. Removing. My. Children.
999 call placed – “Hello my name is Amelia, he has TAKEN her! Please help me! He has also threatened to take away my newborn baby and force-feed him ‘another mother’s milk’!”
Some of the things he said.
Some of the things he said.
Once. Twice. Three times. He took her. He stole her. He abducted her. He would bring her back after days of no communication. She is disturbed. My little girl looks confused, is starting to say odd things.
I start receiving calls from social care, having no idea why they are bombarding me. I had not even heard of them before. The police start turning up on my door stating that my ex-husband is alleging I have been abusive to the children. I was floored. Silenced by the shock of what was unravelling before me.
I have the most sacred bond with both my children, with the magic of breastfeeding on demand, the closeness, feeling their skin on mine, starring into their big loving eyes, singing and rocking them in my arms to sleep. I had wished for my beautiful babies under shooting stars and I was blessed to have them, nourished in my womb, nourishing them outside. I gave myself up, my body, my sleep, my everything and devoted myself to these tiny human beings.
He has further been denigrating me to authorities by creating fiction, elaborating malicious allegations, making up smear campaigns, in a brazen attempt to silence and discredit my truth.
He calls the police on me alleging I have violently attacked him?
Sorry, what?
Then alleging I have become this abusive mother overnight, harming my children?
I am stunned. Frozen. Silenced. Betrayed. What are these web of lies and deceit for?
By leaving is this what happens? I had no idea! I thought it could have been an amicable divorce, but he had other plans.
I turn up to collect my daughter from nursery and I am told, she is gone. He has taken her!
Hearing this, I felt a cold chill wash over me.
“He looked normal, so we let him take her” – said the nursery, despite me explaining to them everything that was happening, the police involvement, his sudden out of character behaviour. They still let her go and did not even give me a courtesy call which I had requested if he were to turn up.
So many thoughts came rushing: When will I see her? Will I ever see her again? I should have got that injunction out earlier when the threats were becoming real. Why didn’t I do this? Because I wholeheartedly believed we could talk about it. But hindsight really is wonderful: you cannot reason with an unreasonable person. Especially if that person is an abuser.
Separation is traumatic
This is for me as the primary caregiver and for her. She must have been thinking where has mummy gone? She is suffering. I cannot cope without her. I miss her. I love her.
I will never forget kissing my little girl that morning, getting her ready for nursery, telling her that Mummy will see you soon.
I did not see her soon.
He did not answer my calls. My heart is racing. A cold sweat all over me. Where is my daughter?! Where has he taken her?!! He refused to let me see her, kept her away from me and I was left hopeless. I died. I did not know where the days went, everything was a blur. I was trying to protect her from harm, from him. I always encouraged contact between the children and their father after separation however, his timings and behaviour were very unusual, a gut instinct always telling me he would retain her.
My worst fears became a reality.
I got the letter that he is taking me to court and he will retain my daughter “until the judge orders him (me) otherwise” I am being told.
Weeks are going by, I have not seen my daughter!
My daughter was now in the hands of the real abuser. I could not rescue her. The authorities did not help. I can hardly remember that time now. But I wrote to every agency I could in that time when I read back my emails sent in that time. I didn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. I do not know how I am even functioning. I questioned why the authorities were not doing anything. They all said Dad has PR (parental responsibility). But the agencies were blindsided and could not see how he was abusing his parental responsibility.
He was now using the system against me.
The system that I needed to protect me and the babies from. I am suffocating. I cannot breathe. He uses his power and control to punish me for something I have not even done.
Why? Because I filed for a divorce acknowledging that he has ended the relationship for walking out on me and the babies?
I am cornered and completely disempowered.
Now I am being stalked. He breaks into the home. He harasses me further.
If he can do this to me, then why would we think a child who is more vulnerable would be safe with that person? I have to challenge this with the court. However, the court system itself fuels further abuse. This is where I am.
This is another form of abuse – legal abuse. I am sick to my core and every day is a struggle. My freedom and liberty gone. Some days I can no longer deal with it.
His behaviour is covert. It is subtle, it is insidious, and it is extremely traumatising.
I used to be the kind of woman one could describe as happy-go lucky, with a successful well-paid career. I travelled the world. So many friends. Now I am isolated. But I am reaching out with a broken soul. I live in fear, face destitution and severe hardship.
He has instilled helplessness and terror not only into me but also into my children, my family who are worried sick, resulting in anxiety and health conditions.
I made it a point to keep matters out of the courts. But he will not stop. He will continue in his lies and deceit.
I need your help to fight.
What man removes his own children from their mother when all she has done is love them so tenderly and protected them so fiercely? He uses his family to further the abuse to my daughter by withholding contact using his family to keep her away, brainwashing her. What man falsely betrays his wife to the police, making up allegations to deprive her and make himself the victim to aid the removal of his daughter? Is this some sort of twisted revenge? Why does he have to go on this malign campaign?
I want a future for both my children that is free from domestic abuse. All types of abuse.
I wish for my children to be brought up by a stable safe parent and for me not to be subjected to this ongoing legal abuse.
My children and I need YOUR help to set us free. We still face many challenges daily, and I will do my very best to keep you updated. I want to put myself out here, reaching out to higher authorities to help me and my children, with the legal bills increasing, already £25k down of my own money and families, it was my family’s savings, not at all catered for by his side. I have been advised by my legal team that I will be needing between £70k - £100k to cover the ongoing litigation.
My Mission: Woman Empowerment. Freeing the silenced.
One day when this is over, I will be advocating for other women who have been silenced numb with the overwhelming pain and processes involved in situations like mine. I really hope you can follow my journey, although my identity has to be concealed for my protection for now, I will be disclosing what I can in the future making reference to this fundraiser. I truly believe this is the power of the collective that will help surpass this arduous phase and bring about change and justice for others.
Please share this further on social media and email this page to your family and friends. I am totally dependent on the love and generosity and am eternally grateful for whatever you and your community can donate.
Please help support my children and myself so that I can break these invisible chains.
With gratitude and love,
Amelia and the children
xxx
Amelia and the children
xxx
Credits: my loving family and friends to help me speak out and help create this video.
Organizer
Support Mum
Organizer
England