Support Melissa's Battle w Breast Cancer: I Ate’nt Dead Yet!

*Updates below original message. :)

Hello, my name is Melissa.

I have been diagnosed with an aggressive type of breast cancer (triple negative). I am currently undergoing chemotherapy before surgery and hopefully can avoid radiation. Since this is an aggressive cancer that can quickly spread and become metastatic, I am being hit hard with treatment. This means I am unable to work and find myself having to rely on the compassion and kindness of others.

This past summer, I needed to have a medically necessary total hysterectomy. It was to be my first day back full time to my librarian branch manager job when I found out my cancer diagnosis. With barely any time to prepare, I found myself in a whirlwind. I had burned up all of my leave with my hysterectomy and was already taking LWOP days (leave without pay) as I tried to recover. I never got my energy back and now I know why. And now, I have been on medical leave until March 2026.

At the age of 42, I find myself on disability that doesn’t even cover my rent. An even bigger kicker? I’m just over the threshold for Medicaid too so now I have to find a way to pay for my insurance too (I have been trying to get onto the federal marketplace since last week). Family support is minimal to none. I am very thankful for the support I do have from my friends and a family member. And I do not want to take advantage of my friends generosity and ask for too much.

I was able to apply for Temporary Disability but the payment I receive does not cover my rent, let alone any other bills and household needs. And that is only for 26 weeks (the maximum I can get) which means it will run out come September when I’ll be scheduling surgery. I’m hoping I’ll receive something from SSDI. Hope springs eternal!

And now with the current administration in place, who knows what assistance I’ll be able to secure from our government.

I find myself in the very uncomfortable position of having to ask when I cannot give. As a librarian who gives her all to whatever she does; whoever she helps, this is not a position I relish or want to be in. But I’m working with my therapist to accept help, lol, and thus I have created this and am asking for help.

If I could raise enough money to provide rent for the next year while I am unable to work, that would help eliminate a lot of stress and allow me to focus more on my health.

Thank you in advance for any help you are able

to give. I appreciate it more than I can ever properly express as I find myself reliant on others to survive.

I’ve been doing my best to just stay positive as mindset and attitude really does determine a lot of how successful treatment will be and how my body will respond. I am responding to treatment well which I attribute to my medical care team as well as the opportunity to just care for myself, eat well, and make morning trips to see the water, enjoying some outside time before the sun gets too high. It does wonders for my spirits. I’d like to stay around a bit more- after all I’m 42, this is my meaning of life, the universe and everything year! And I am not ready to say So long and thanks for all the fish.

Thank you, mahalo nui loa.

Melissa

4.14.2025 Update

WOW. I am overwhelmed by the response that I have received from all of you loving people. I feel like the grinch with my heart growing bigger and bigger as I am reminded by you all of how much I am truly loved and appreciated in this world. Thank you so much, mahalo nui loa, for such the reminder.

This has helped more than you may know, in many more ways than financial. We all have our down days and I know I have times where I question many things, including what kind of effect I've had on people in my life, if people I remember from more than 20 years ago still remember me- heck, if people from 5 years ago remember me! LOL I've lived in a few different states and have developed so many bonds with so many people that I treasure, people who are woven into my Tapestry of Life, contributing to the threads that make up my whole. Holy cannolis, does this response make me verklempt and indeed, it IS a big whoop. ;) This has lightened my soul and spirit and helps me fight every day. Whatever fresh hell may await, I've got some marshmallows on a stick ready to make s'mores and turn things sweet.

PLUS (and this is a big big big big plus) I'm now able to budget out better to make sure my rent and bills are paid each month, allowing me to rest with peace of mind, not riddled with anxiety. Things were getting pretty bleak there for a moment and I'm glad I asked for help. There was a snafu with my TDI (of course, lol) and this came in clutch at the right time.

While I may not always have the energy right now to pay back in kind, please know how much I appreciate each and every single one of you for this support. So many people keep sharing this and you guys are amazing. It's weird to see something like this for yourself pop up, really weird, but again---getting a little verklempt. Talking amongst yourselves.

Treatment has been going ok. I'm finding that as time goes on, I'm getting more and more tired especially when I get an infusion of a trio of drugs. Currently, I am on a weekly chemo schedule. The original plan was for 12 sessions (4 cycles- I think I got the lingo right) with those drugs and then more sessions with another cocktail.

I started my third cycle two weeks ago. That one knocked me on my tookus! I slept pretty much for 2 days straight, was running small fevers, and the nausea was back with a vengeance. The fatigue has been constant and I've really lost a lot of stamina.

Cognitive effects continue to be one of the worst side effects. I forget a lot or have trouble find the right words. It takes me a lot longer to do simple tasks. I still haven't been able to settle in with a good book and read. I can do audiobooks a little bit but only with ones I've already read as it's hard to concentrate and follow along. This is a side effect I wasn't really expecting and didn't know that other survivors have to deal with: folks, the cancer brain fog is real and is quite the b!tch. Please forgive me if I forget things and if I am just not making sense, please ask for clarification. It's worse then the regular Melissa scatterbrained-ness or even super stressed Melissa scatterbrained-ness, much much worse. This gets disheartening at times but mostly I try to roll with it and laugh at mistakes.

I thought this was funny: I had ordered a shower chair for myself and oh my goodness folks, when I looked at the clock when I finished, I realized it took me an hour to put it together. An hour! To put some legs on a dang seat. One of those times I definitely laughed about.

I have had to take a break from chemo two times so far. The first time was due to issues with my port. And then I just had to skip this week. Another fun side effect from one of the drugs is developing a rash. Quite the irritating rash as it feels like stinging burns and itches. It's like I'm consistently getting bit by fire ants all over: my head, back, legs, arms, chest, neck, everywhere. So the doctor wanted to wait a week to give my body a break and we'll revisit it this week.

I do have great news: I've had an MRI finally (I was supposed to have one before I started in February and it finally got approved by insurance and they got me in). And the mass is shrinking! So the drugs are working. :) I will need surgery regardless, even if it melts away. We are hoping for clear margins so it can be the simplest surgery possible and maybe even avoid radiation! But that's still some months away.

Phew! A long update but I've been meaning to post a little something on here. Thank you all so much. I've been trying to thank everyone individually and I've got some to catch up on. Please know that you have all made a world of difference in my life and my fight for survival.

Much love and aloha to you all!