We Need A New Talk Next Parent #2
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Help Me Get My Fatherhood Back!
Summary
Hello, my name is Curtis and for the last 10+ years, I've identified as a loving husband and father to my STBXW, 1 stepdaughter (age 5-17), and 1 daughter (0-10). My daughters will, by default (eventually), over time, each receive another stepfather who will become the 3rd "father" of "this" family and maybe even more.
By the time I was 15, my mother was working on Step Daddy #5. I'm 51 now and my STBXW is working on Daddy #3 for my daughters. Regarding marriage and parenthood, the two most amazing and influential woman in my life has shown me that societal expectations of Commitment & Marriage are wrong. It's not forever or better or worse, it's temporary and we should all prepare for the event ahead.
My ultimate goal here is to first secure "shared custody" of my daughter by raising enough funds to ensure proper legal representation while sharing my future unknown journey of recovery for all to see and understand that in regards to marriage; "We Need A New Talk."
Full Story (Short Story = The Bold Print)
I am a discarded parent, specifically, Daddy #2, (but officially "Daddy #1" to both of my girls for multiple years running!) and if I don't do something soon, my STBXW will be taking full custody of my daughters and may take them to her home country whenever she wants. I don't know this person anymore and she has given me every reason to not trust her even in the basics of common civility. This will be nothing more than a "victory" win for her and an easy explanation to explain away our "toxic" marriage of 10+ years if she secures either full custody or alimony for her and our daughter together.
Despite the story I'm about to tell, my STBXW is a good mother to my daughters who happened to be under a lot of stress at the time, and still the best possible mother for them. I also still believe It's in the girl's best interest to live with their mother because after what I've been through, I'm too emotionally broken to properly look after my girls until I find a way back from the depression state I find myself in.
My first goal is to secure enough funding to legally fight for "shared custody" of my daughter. My STBXW comes from a wealthy family and has texted me that she will be seeking "Sole Custody". I am alone with very limited resources and a half-decent job that I might lose due to my current emotional state of being used & abandoned by my wife of 10+ years.
My second goal is to get better in all ways possible. To do this, I need a new focus cause I simply lost the primary one I had existed for; my family. I made my share of mistakes over the years, but there is no such thing as a mother or a father without their faults and I own and have made up for mine.
(Below: Year after year, I tried my best).
It is because I still have the love and support of my daughters that I have the extra strength that allowed me to continue through this cliched nightmare and be here now.
However, every day in the future, with new events and old memories, I'll be reminded of the tragedy of my marriage and family and that I'm now a part-time dad, and that my daughter's mother will more than likely one day get a "Just-A-Friend" and then one day that Just A Friend will become "Uncle", and on the day of moving in with my family (ex-family?) will become "Step Dad". Then I'll see their pictures on Facebook in Hawaii with the caption "Hiking with Dad" or something and here I am, trying to pretend that I'm okay with being a Discarded Parent and part-time dad of my once loving family and paying alimony and child support for the next 8+ years to the one person that didn't want to be in the relationship anymore but wrote me a letter in her blood to convince me in the beginning that she'll be there to the end.
Every birthday, holiday, and memory is me mourning the living and the death of my family, every day. All I see is a constant and ever-present life of lonely solitude. I'm 51, about to be divorced, and even more broke than before; I am in a deep depression, and the inability to find the smallest amount of joy in anything I do has left me in a constant state of despair and pondering how I'm going to make it every other day.
I'm determined to not "give in and give up" and I want to be there for the girls even if just to help financially for as long as possible. So I needed to find a new focus for myself and over the last few weeks of trying to deal with my broken life, I believe I have found a cause strong enough to buy me time to see this through, with or without the "Shared Custody" of my daughters.
My third and newest goal is to advocate for you and future I's by sharing my story in the hope that the world can agree and understand that; "We Need A New Talk."
"We Need A New Talk" about Marriage, Separation & Divorce, and I aim to use my real-life suffering and current journey of "living life on the outside of your family" to help get this new talk going. Unfortunately, this is my life and the pain and sorrow you are about to see are as genuine as the air you are breathing.
(Below: Preview - "21 Months Later - Daddy #5")
(NSFW - Language)
My inspiration, (besides generating revenue to help pay for court and lawyer fees in securing the Shared Custody of my daughter) is that I couldn't find much online that seemed real or genuine to the turmoil and situation I now find myself in. What I did find though was bad news, bad advice, and future omens of darker times ahead.
I found many sights and podcasts that "talked" about what "others" have said they are going through and only a handful of videos of people (in the best possible light and makeup), but nothing that shows the true effects of "living on the other side of separation and divorce" when one of two parents don't want to be in the relationship.
I've also since realized that not many have done so because to do so would be openly committing both "social" and "professional" suicide. After being abandoned by my wife, the sudden and prolonged absence of my family, and the very brazen, daylight public theft of my fatherhood, I'm way beyond caring about any of that.
Every day after work for the last 19 months, I come home to an empty bachelor box after years of hugs, kisses, and family presence. I don't want to bother anyone with my lonely self and am still too embarrassed to tell people that I've been abandoned and given "No Chance" by my wife, used up by my work, and given "No Choice" and that I am breaking down every other day. So I keep to myself as much as possible to not ruin the mood of others with my constant state of depression and my continual fear of my children's somber future of growing up in broken marriages and broken homes like I did.
(Below: I believe I've done everything I could to keep my marriage & family together).
(Below: Transcript of Audio call from work during family separation)
What is a person to do with No Chance AND No Choice? Make their own!
The thought of daddy #3 in my role, with my family, while I'm still alive, capable, and want to be a father to my children, keeps me devasted to the point where I lose the ability to sleep, eat or function with the constant memories of my once happy family haunting my every waking moment of life, to the point, that I keep asking myself;
• "What can I do about this situation to improve my and thus potentially my daughter's lives?
• "What can I do to want to live through such a nightmare of a lonely existence with a very high chance of failure and an even higher chance of eventually becoming the "BBEG" (big bad evil guy) to my family?" (I'm the product of a single mom and 5 Step-dads. I understand what comes next, Parental Alienation).
• "Can my story save someone else from a fate you wouldn't wish on anyone?"
I honestly don't know. But lately, I've genuinely felt compelled to carry on with more hope and inspiration now that I have somewhat of a better plan and focus instead of just "putting one foot in front of the other". I do honestly believe though if enough people see my video, read or hear of my story and eventual fate, someone somewhere will have a better chance at breaking the cycle of broken marriages and broken homes.
My name is Curtis and I'm Daddy#2. I'm asking for your help in securing the "Shared Custody" of my daughter with my STBXW who is offering me alimony & child support "deals" in return for giving up full custody of my daughter to her. She comes from a wealthy family and I simply will not be able to "out-lawyer" her and seek to be able to at least get enough professional representation in case she tries to drag this out. Unfortunately, she cannot accept the slightest bit of criticism from me and I expect her to get more upset at me when she learns I'm not taking her bullying and controlling tactics anymore.
(Below: STBXW Subtly trying to manipulate me into the "less trouble agreement")
(She knows I can't afford all three payments. How am I supposed to live? )
With your help in achieving the first goal of securing Shared Custody of my daughter, I will continue to use my presence and every other dollar raised to show the world and to speak to tell the world that "We Need A New Talk" for Parents, Step-parents, Marriage and for what happens after marriage in this new day and age.
I hope to tell my story in as candid and genuine manner as possible and to reveal to you insights and understandings of this tragedy of mine and I aim to do so in all its ugly glory; tears, snot, sniffles, and all in the hopes of saving someone else's marriage or from being abandoned by the one you love the most.
Please visit my youtube channel to see what a suffering father, living alone and apart from his family looks like;
(Below: Preview - "21 Months Later - When You're Yesterday")
This is the story of the one left behind.
(Below: I was the one forced to leave but the sign is asking for her to come back).
Even if you cannot donate to my cause, please help me in spreading this story by sharing my links and posting them wherever you can. This will help to reach those who can help as well. Not to mention, It genuinely might help someone not end up like me and if they do, they might find some kind of hope and or inspiration to make it through another day, another month. This is not a "Man" or a "Woman" thing, it's a people thing.
What makes my story so special? That's what we're all going to find out over the next few months to a few years as I continue living and broadcasting my existence "In Suffering For You".
My ultimate goal here is to first secure "shared custody" of my daughter by raising enough funds to ensure proper representation. Then to get myself to a much better place while sharing my journey of suffering and recovery for all to see and understand that in regards to marriage; "We Need A New Talk."
(Below: This is not the woman I married, I don't know this person.)
Please Note: This is just my side and view of the story. My STBXW was going through some stressful issues at the time of all of this (and still is I understand). She is a good mother and I wish her no harm or ill will as she is and always will be the mother of my children. I know the girls both need and love their mom dearly. I've come to terms lately with how we fell apart and in hindsight, we never stood a chance so I cannot blame her even though I do want to.
I now acknowledge my mistake of getting married to the wrong person. I never wanted to get married as I personally never knew anyone that "succeeded" in marriage. Then one day this amazing, beautiful 30-something-year-old university-educated woman wrote me a letter in her blood to convince me otherwise. How could I not believe her? I agree, in hindsight, this was a red flag and I should have run the other way.
(Below: STBXW's Original response to me not believing in Marriage & having children)
My mother and my ex-wife, the two most important and influential women in my life have both proven to me time and again that as great as we (or any couple) are for each other, it was never meant to last because it simply cannot. Not in this day and time as "Love" is simply not enough anymore. These three pictures sum up Courtship, Marriage & Divorce for me. All of them are from my STBXW so at least you know she agrees with me and she was married twice!
(Picture Below: What convinced me to get married).
(Picture Below: Gave it my best shot)
(Below - STBXW Current social media banner)
Above: She is still married, listed as single, and has the family home location, the girls, and the new single life she abandoned, failed, and then exiled me for until getting into a current 6-month relationship a year after separating. Indeed, she has a lot to be thanking God for. As for me, check out my videos to see the new awesome life I'm living and that I'll be paying her $ for the rest of my life.
(Below: Preview - "21 Months Later - Not A Democracy")
If you agree that "We Need A New Talk", please donate to my campaign today which will help me to secure shared custody of my daughter and to get this life-changing conversation going!
I will not be silent anymore and will talk for those of you that support me as well.
Thank you for your time and help. Everything you do here encourages me that much more. I hope to acknowledge you somehow one day in the future, in a better place.
Sincere Regards,
Curtis Carter,
Abandoned & Exiled Father,
22 Months Separated,
About to be Divorced,
Daddy #2 to this Family,
Step-Daddy #1 to My Step-Daughter
& Daddy #1 to My Daughter,
Winner of Multiple #1 Dad Awards.
Next Parent #2 - "We Need A New Talk"
Organizer
Curtis Carter
Organizer
Toronto, ON