Help Abby recover from Anorexia

My beautiful 20 year old daughter Abby has Anorexia Nervosa. Until now, this has been a private battle. A battle we’ve shared with very few people. This illness has taken everything from us; Abby lost her personality, her laughter, her hair, her ambition, her ability to attend Uni, her social life, her friends, her part time job, her zest for life and her passion for netball, something she was amazing at and gave her great purpose. My girl literally faded away right in front of my eyes, although I wanted to, I have never given up on Abby, it has been just the 2 of us fighting this illness. The fact Abby is alive today is testament to her determination and commitment to recovery.

Eating disorders (EDs) are so misunderstood and have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness, killing more people than the annual road toll. Despite seeking medical assistance early on and participating in numerous programs throughout Australia, Abby continued to decline mentally and physically, and was hospitalised many times (sometimes against her will) in medical and psychiatric hospitals. Life was literally a living hell. We went to bed each night hoping we wouldn’t wake up; we had zero joy and no hope. We lived like this for years. We were at home 24/7 trying anything and everything to break free from the ED, all the while going further down the rabbit hole. Prior to this illness Abby and I were living happy and healthy lives and had a loving mother/daughter relationship, this was shattered into a million pieces by the ED. My role as Abby’s mum had morphed into me being her carer, emotional and support person, psychologist, dietitian, chef and solely responsible for all costs of life and treatment. Abby has missed out on so much because of her ED, seeing her friends live their lives (without her in it), celebrate birthdays, travel and simply enjoy being young and free has been bittersweet. Despite our best efforts and doing what the professionals told us, nothing worked.

It wasn’t until Abby hit rock bottom, decided she wanted to recover and was desperate for help that we heard about Wandi Nerida (WN), Australia’s only specialist residential eating disorder recovery centre located on the Sunshine Coast. We applied for a bed at WN, however Abby’s referral was rejected due to her poor health. To meet the criteria for admission Abby agreed to undergo a refeeding program & remained in hospital for over 6 months. This treatment resulted in Abby being assessed as ready for care at WN in June 2023.

WN uses the Butterfly Foundation Residential Eating Disorders Treatment Model of Care©, based on the work of Carolyn Costin and unlike other programs, they believe that anyone with an eating disorder can fully recover by treating the mental and physical aspects of this illness. Abby has been at WN for 4 months, her treatment is individualised, each day is a challenge but she is making progress and most importantly we have hope, something neither of us had 12 months ago. I had accepted that this hideous illness would take Abby’s life.

However, Abby’s journey is far from over and we have to take each day as it comes. The team at WN believe Abby will be ready to come home in another month or so. When Abby is home she will be responsible for continuing her recovery (with me and her Canberra clinical team as her support crew). My role when she is home will be as her mum, something I want more than anything. My daughter has been absent from my life for too many years. I can’t wait to see my daughter live a healthy happy life, free from her ED.

None of this has come without an enormous financial investment. In addition to the emotional and physical impact this illness has had both of us, the financial has been equally life changing and challenging. The initial 60 day stay at WN is just over $90,000….no that is not a typo! As it’s not technically a ‘hospital’ but a residential treatment facility, top Private Health Insurance only covers a small component. Each additional month of treatment is over $50,000. There is a bursary that participants can apply to for assistance, but nothing is covered by Medicare so families have to find the money for treatment. We were lucky to have some bursary assistance for Abby’s initial 60 days, however the out of pocket would still make you cry. I have solely covered the out of pocket expenses of Abby’s treatment to date, I have used all my savings, credit and some super – but I wouldn’t have it another way, I would do anything to save my daughter’s life.

As Abby’s stay has progressed the bursary reduced and is now removed, so here I am asking the World Wide Web via our friends and their friends (and hopefully their friends) to consider making a financial contribution to help cover the last month of Abby’s treatment which is over $50,000. This treatment is giving Abby the tools to kick Anorexia’s butt and never look back – she wants to be free of this and has plans to give back by helping others once she is fully recovered. I wish we knew in the beginning what we know now and can’t believe the journey we have been on. I can’t articulate the absolute hell that is living with an ED and the things Abby and I have done and said to each other. I also know I am lucky to have such a strong daughter who will get through this. If nothing else I hope our story promotes ED awareness and has opened your eyes to the devastating impacts ED’s have on individuals and families. In Australia we have so much to do to make sure treatment is readily available, affordable and people have the supports they need so they can fully recover and that no one dies from this treatable mental illness. Much love Jess (and Abby).