DELETE A’s TITZ!

This is probably one of the hardest things I’ve actually typed but I need to get this off my

chest, literally....

 

Hey, my names A. I am a queer POC who identifies as non-binary (they/them pronouns) This is me putting myself out there, making myself vulnerable and asking for your help.

Firstly, I am doing this for my own happiness, authenticity and my own mental well-being.

I have put off posting this for years due to CARING what others will think of me, being judged, being SCARED and also feeling VULNERABLE but I cannot live by those presumptions anymore!! I want to live MY life in TRUE authenticity - meaning living in a BODY that I feel connected with and whole in, a place I can peacefully call ✨HOME✨

I want my mind to match my body, I want them to be best friends. There will be a A-LOT of people who won’t understand this but I am done caring what others think, mentally its taking a toll on me because I’m not living MY life for myself or living a truthful self. I need to put my happiness first. I don’t owe anyone an explanation.

 

I want to raise funds so I can go ahead and have life changing SURGERY - TOP SURGERY to be exact. This is something I’ve wanted/needed for so long. From the moment puberty hit, I always felt like something didn’t feel right, I’ve never ever felt like my boobs belonged to my body, they’ve always felt so alien, there is a huge disconnect between myself and my chest. I am so detached from them, the disconnect is painful and mentally draining. Waking up everyday with dysphoria is not a way of living. Planning outfits around my chest is upsetting and exhausting. I BIND on a daily basis which impacts my health BOTH mentally and physically. My chest can trigger off my depression, my anxiety and eating disorder behaviours. Hiding behind baggy clothes only works so much. Binding gets very frustrating and stressful, it makes me hate myself even more, it’s painful and tiring, especially in the summer. Heat and binding is NOT the one. I would love to be able to wear what I want without first considering the logistics of binding for the day. Binding causes me so much mental anguish and distress. Being a LARGER chested person, binding can be difficult to get that flat chested look, I aim for. Then trying to hide a binder isn’t the most easiest thing to do. I sometimes don’t go out because of my chest. This is no way of life or living, especially for someone like myself who loves fashion, expressing myself through clothes is such a positive outlet for me but binding can cause me so much anxiety on top of having melt downs about my chest not matching how I feel inside. In all seriousness, I have often thought about suicide due to having things on my chest that I feel so detached, disgusted and alien towards - to cope with these thoughts I have turned to self harm on my chest in the past. I bathe or shower with a top on and towels covering any mirror in my bathroom, this is so distressing I make my showers a quick 5 minutes. Top surgery has become a now or never matter - and I can't accept never. Getting top surgery WILL save my life. The waiting list for the NHS is disturbingly long and an option I can’t and won’t get behind, going private is my ONLY option. All together donations will go on consultation fees, the surgery itself and aftercare - as a low income person, this is not going to be possible alone. I will be trying to save loose change, selling stuff on Vinted here and there but like I mentioned before this really is a now or never situation and I can’t do the never.

 

The cost of a initial consultation is around £250 - £500 (which I’m *HOPING* to save up for myself via vinted & saving up coins) I’ll also have to spend a few £££ on getting a gender dysphoria diagnosis plus a mental health assessment. The cost for the surgery starts from £6,900 UPWARDS - this WILL increase depending on the length of time required in theatre and what the final outcome of work that will create my end goal of having a chest I am HAPPY with. Finally included in the cost is post operative care, nightly stay, garments and medication when I leave hospital plus who I want to get my top surgery with means I’ll have to travel to Brighton and back to London.

 

This next chapter of my life I TRULY want to be authentically MYSELF. I want freedom, happiness in a body that I can love endlessly and deserve to love instead of hating. I know money is tight for a lot of people right now so if you cannot donate then please can you SHARE on your socials!! I would really appreciate it. SHARING is just as effective.

When donating PLEASE change the tips to £0.00!! 

 

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading, donating and sharing. 
Love & light - A.