Memorial Fund for Aiden Hofer

Please consider donating to help Aiden’s family with funeral and burial expenses. Please continue to keep his family in your thoughts and prayers.

Aiden (Hofer) Phelan-Ruden, 15, left the world on Saturday, October 1, 2022--far too soon for someone so young. He was born on March 26, 2007, in Des Moines, Iowa, to Jessica Lewis. Blessed with an insatiable curiosity, Aiden began asking questions as soon as he could talk and never ceased doing so throughout his life—any response was met with another question, and another, ad infinitum. And that is as it should be, for what is life but a series of increasingly complex and interesting questions to be answered?

Aiden lived his entire life on a Century Farm in northeast Polk County that was settled by his Irish ancestors and farmed by his Grandpa Pat and Uncle Mike, and he reveled in just being a kid living in the country. Aiden grew up loving nature and he had a heart for animals of all kinds, particularly the rotating cast of farm cats that populated his family’s yard. He also loved to swim in the backyard pool and soak in the hot tub, venture out on long road trips, attend family gatherings (paying special attention to the dessert table), and build things with LEGOs. He was an inveterate computer gamer, an appreciator of music, and a lover of food (a true connoisseur of the Big Mac, the Chinese buffet, and the jelly donut—in fact, being closer to the donut line at church was one of the big fringe benefits of being an altar server at Holy Cross Church). On a birthday trip to visit his aunt and uncle on the East Coast last spring, he was mesmerized by the Nation’s Capital and fell in love with splashing in the Atlantic Ocean and walking the beaches of the Chesapeake Bay.

Those, however, were only some of what Aidan did. What really mattered was who he was: a bright, beautiful young man with a huge heart who was easy to talk with, quick to smile, someone who thought deeply and always wanted to know more. He was a sweet, gentle, caring, and compassionate soul with a quirky, dry sense of humor. He was a seeker of true friendship and a helper of others in need. He was an irreplaceable and deeply loved family member who is survived by his grandmother/mother, Teri Phelan-Ruden, birth mother, Jessica Lewis, brother, Brock Chapman (Phelan-Ruden), great-grandmother, Janet Phelan, and many aunts, uncles and cousins. He was preceded in death by his grandfather/father, Jeff Ruden, aunt, Jerrica Hilleman-Ruden, great-grandfather, Patrick (Pat) Phelan and great uncle, Michael (Mike) Phelan.

The issues of an underfunded and under-resourced mental health system, the scourge of bullying and a toxic social media culture among young people, and the trauma of living through a pandemic are serious ones indeed, but they are often spoken of in the abstract, as generalities and opportunities to shake our heads ruefully and wish something of substance could or would be done to mitigate them. They only remain an abstraction, however, until they enter our own homes and infect the lives of our families. Aiden’s story is the real thing—that of a young life full of potential cut tragically short by ambivalence, powerlessness, and lack of collective capacity and will to improve the lives of our most precious resources—our children. In the end, however, this is about Aiden. Because he lived and loved and asked questions and sought to understand, those of us who knew him—really knew him—are profoundly better for it and yet will be forever diminished by his absence in our lives.

If you, or others you know, are suffering from mental health challenges or thoughts of suicide, please reach out to https://988lifeline.org or dial 988. And know that you are loved and needed…