Annie Barker’s Bereavement & Yoga Bär Studio Fund

Christian Smith, scholar, teacher, psychotherapist, bodyworker and bodywork teacher, anatomist, radical humanist, communist, Tai Chi and Qi Gong teacher, father, life partner, collaborator, force of nature and the love of my life for 21 years, died in his sleep on the morning of Aug 6, 2022. His death was sudden and completely unexpected for a healthy 59-year-old man who worked out daily, practiced Yoga, Tai Chi and Qi Gong and studied and taught about the health of the body and the mind for over 40 years.

His death has not only left me without my life partner but also without my business and construction partner to share in the managing, organising, planning and building of our new yoga and tai chi studio, Yoga Bär Studio. His death came just 9 days before the scheduled opening date of the studio. The dream of the two of us getting to teach and run the studio together was shattered by the nightmare of Christian’s sudden death.

Christian was very excited and hopeful about Yoga Bär Studio; however he was also anxious about the opening getting delayed by various structural issues with the building, including a toilet that had been left to leak for 2 years prior to us renting the studio, and other construction problems and limitations. He worked tirelessly day and night preparing the studio because, as he would say, “this is our last chance to do something we will really love that could set us up for the rest of our lives.” He worked himself (to death?) to provide for the rest of our future together as we have no significant pension or life insurance plan. And now he’s gone. But I feel I owe it to him, to the project of “us” and this massive effort to keep the studio alive and give our adopted community here in Schöneweide, Berlin this special studio we’ve dreamt of and put our sweat, tears and hearts into.

I have set up a GoFundMe campaign to raise funds to help me get through this impossibly difficult time- to help pay for my living expenses while I’m unable to work, the studio rent while we continue the renovations and preparations as well as floating the studio during its early growing months, the cremation and other bills surrounding his death, debt we accrued from investing in the studio and past years’ income taxes. This fund will help me survive while I grieve so that I may have the energy, time, emotional strength and financial support to finish the renovations and open the studio.

I would never have imagined when we went to sleep Friday evening that I would wake up to a completely different world Saturday morning. His sudden passing would enwrap me in a nightmare of insecurity and uncertainty. Not only was my lover gone, but I’d gone from being in a household of two earning freelancers (I do bodywork and yoga classes, Christian saw therapy and bodywork clients, and we share our corporate clients together), to having all of the responsibility of our living expenses, debt and investment in the new studio on my shoulders.

Opening our new business was naturally an expensive risk, but it was manageable with the two of us earning and working together. On my own, I am completely unable to manage all of the tasks and financial responsibilities. I need to reach out to the community for help with this campaign.

Christian and I moved to Berlin in 2016, following his 8-year journey of achieving a master’s and doctorate degree at the University of Warwick, teaching at a grammar school and then holding a post as a teaching fellow at Warwick English. At the end of his fellowship, Christian and I were given 2 weeks' notice to leave the UK following the department’s decision not to renew his teaching contract. This decision was made in spite of the fact that he was a wildly popular and influential teacher, had brought innovative digital technologies to the department (predating Covid era online learning modules), and was an enormous resource to the other professors in the department.

As heartbroken as we were to have to leave this beloved “sceptred isle,” our move to Berlin was with hope for a new life where Christian could continue his research and write and publish his monograph, I could continue my singing, songwriting and music career (and street performing)…and we could both establish our healing and bodywork business. As a result of the massive global shifts that covid brought, we realised that we needed to shift the focus of our business given how easily bodywork could be excluded from public access. We found that a yoga/tai chi studio would be a great and potentially successful next step in the development of our healing careers. And with it, we hoped we could earn enough to maintain our visas, which are dependent on income, and allow us to continue our lives in Berlin.

With this Gofundme campaign, I hope to have enough resources to continue living and working here and finalising the building of our dream studio that Christian and I began. I owe it to his memory, our lives together, and the world that he was so passionately devoted to healing and changing to continue his legacy. I hope to continue, as Christian and I used to call it, “The Christian and Annie Show.”

Thank you for your support during this very difficult time.