Help Bailee Afford Critical Postpartum Surgery

Hi, my name is Bailee and I didn't want to make this GFM, but I've reached a point where I've exhausted the few options I had. I didn't realize after having children that my body would change in ways where I don't even recognize myself. I struggled with severe postpartum depression after I had my first child and continued having it after having my second child. The depression was so terrible that my husband and I agreed to let her be adopted by my loving sister in law, which I am incredibly grateful for. My depression has gone mostly unchanged, and much of it has to do with the ways in which my body has permanently changed. I have seen many psychiatrists and have been to therapy consistently for over a year and have made little progress. The mental anguish and distress is only half of the story. The physical impact had also lead me to have a number of issues as well. I suffer from abdominal separation that causes tremendous back pain in addition to the way it makes me appear 4 months pregnant. Physical therapy has only helped me to be more mindful of ways I cannot move, and there is no way to "close the gap" so to speak without surgical intervention. I also suffer from frequent painful rashes from my breasts rubbing against my skin, and although I've received treatment for it by a dermatologist, I would have to apply the treatment for the rest of my life. I cannot lift anything more than 30lbs without pain and so I can barely pick up my own son.

I feel like, at 26, this is not what I'm supposed to look or feel like. I have tried, and tried, and TRIED to accept the things I cannot change - but even after giving it my best effort and my time, I can't. I am incredibly depressed about my body, again both from its appearance and it's now lack of function. I cannot work currently as I am a stay at home parent, and if I were to get a job, I couldn't afford to save for anything as my entire paycheck would go to childcare. I feel trapped, and I'm desperate to feel some semblance of myself again. I already have half of the money needed for the procedures, thanks to my loving family and what they could afford, but there's still halfway to go. Just writing this makes me feel ashamed, but I realize if I don't do something about this soon I will never be happy again. I do not want my child to grow up with a permanently depressed parent. I am trying to be as strong as I can for his sake in the mean time. If you have any questions, feel free to reach out to me about the GFM. Thank you all for taking the time to read this, and I appreciate all the support - be it through donations, sharing, or just being there for me.