Help With A New Start And Better Life

Hello, my name is Alan, also known to many folks online as Zav.

I am 31 years old, currently living with my parents in the state of New Hampshire, in the US. I suffer from a number of mental illnesses, primarily Major Depressive Disorder, severe Generalized Anxiety Disorder, severe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. I am considered disabled and unable to work because of these conditions, am currently on Medicaid coverage and until recently was receiving Supplemental Security Income benefits from Social Security.

I am struggling tremendously as of the past month or so in particular, much more so than usual - which is saying a lot - both in terms of personal finances as well as mental and emotional health and well being. Circumstances beyond my control have forced me into a corner with barely any room to breathe in any sense, and this is my way of reaching out for help at a time when I feel I need it most, and have very few, if any, other avenues of relief.

The living environment in which I have been stuck feeling trapped, resented and misunderstood, to say the least, has been sucking the life out of me for more than a decade now, getting worse as time has passed. I wake up every morning to a thick, toxic atmosphere that puts severe strain on my mental and emotional states of being, and even physical as well at times. These highly negative adverse effects have been wearing me down for a long time, and despite my best efforts they continue to do so, and I'm not sure how much longer I can stay on my own two feet beneath so much weight.

Over the past year or so, my life has been more of a roller coaster than ever before. I was fortunate enough to have an opportunity to move out of my parent's home late last year, for four months. My time spent living somewhere new, with people I love and care about, and who genuinely care about me, showed me that there IS hope, that happiness is not unachievable, and that under the right circumstances I DON'T have to live feeling miserable each and every day with no way out in sight. After a series of unfortunate happenings resulted in having to move back in with my parents, I found myself worse off than ever in many ways, and am now desperate for any help I can possibly get to escape the constant depression, anxiety and uncertainty that plagues me.

Much of my situation stems from financial uncertainty and instability, which is why I am here making my case to those who may be in a position to offer generous help to me so that I can try to at least partially clean my slate and work towards a healthier, happier life long term.

As previously mentioned, up until recently I had been receiving SSI payment benefits from Social Security for a number of years, which helped with basic cost of living expenses, especially during my brief time living outside of my parent's home. However, during the process of moving back, unfortunate circumstances lead to the loss of an important set of forms that I was required to fill out and send back to Social Security. Lack of communication with me, as well as some level of miscommunication in general, until it was essentially too late and I had already received notice of the termination of my SSI benefits, left me where I am now, with no source of income whatsoever.

This situation has already left me with compounding late payments on debt that will only continue to get worse until I find a way to fix things financially otherwise. As of the time of this writing, I have a little over one month to file a written appeal to Social Security as an attempt to reverse the termination of my SSI benefits, which I will be submitting within the coming week for consideration. In the event that my appeal is rejected, I would be required to start over from scratch applying for SSI benefits as I did years ago. I have no way of knowing how long it may take for the appeal to be processed, how long it may take for me to reapply from the beginning for benefits if the appeal is declined, or what other adverse effects the current terminated status of my SSI benefits may have on other things, particularly my Medicaid coverage, which I have a tremendous fear of somehow losing as a result of this whole big mess. Without that coverage, I wouldn't have any way to pay out of pocket for the prescription medications I take for my mental illness conditions, and without those my struggles would become exponentially more serious.

In addition, a potential opportunity to move out and away from my parents and this toxic living environment exists, but for how long I am unsure. Nothing is set in stone yet, but unless I can come up with a way to stabilize myself financially, with planning and funds set aside for this not so distant future possibility, I may very well end up missing the chance to escape the hole of many facets I am so deep in, within a reasonable timeframe.

All I want is a sense of relief, for once in my adult life. I have tried so hard to endure and overcome hardships of all kinds over the past decade and beyond, but always seem to come up short in some ways or others. This GoFundMe effort is basically a last ditch effort to try and "catch up", in a sense, and maybe even get ahead and get myself out of this mentally and emotionally harmful situation I am forced to live through day after day.

I know my goal amount is a hefty one, and I don't realistically expect to reach it, however the amount is determined by an itemized, prioritized list of points where financial assistance can be applied to lessen my immediate burden, and even begin to build towards a better, brighter future. I following is said list, in order of top priority, with approximate dollar amounts;

• Clear current overdue payment/fees associated with credit debt (approx. $120)
• Repayment to my parents for some financial assistance associated with my brief four months time living elsewhere, to get them off my back about something and reduce daily stress and anxiety, even if just a little bit for now (approx. $500)
• Set aside three months worth of out of pocket costs for my four prescription medications, in the event of complications with my Medicaid coverage tied to the current loss of my SSI benefits, which is a primary contributing factor to my Medicaid eligibility, or associated with the process of potentially moving to another state and getting my coverage transferred over at the state level in a timely manner (approx. $780)
• Set aside three months worth of rent + food expenses, as well as initial moving costs, in order to be able to take advantage of the strong potential opportunity to move out as I so desperately want and need to do, within the next couple of months or so (approx. $2000)
• Completely pay off my existing credit debt, giving me both much desired piece of mind as well as flexibility to handle any emergency or otherwise unexpected expenses that may arise in the near future, particularly if I am able to relocate as I hope will be the case (approx. $1600)

This is my plan, or roadmap if you will, for how any and all funds raised through this effort would be used in order of immediate importance. I know this is a long shot, but any amount would make a significant difference in my life right now, it truly would.

I realize I am not alone in these types of struggles and hardships, especially with the state of the world today. I don't feel like I am any more worthy than anyone else of financial assistance of this kind, in fact I am still somewhat struggling internally to justify reaching out on a platform like this for help. But I am at a point in my life where I feel so trapped and smothered by the collective circumstances and situations that surround me, I'm not even entirely sure which way is up anymore. And so I am here, reaching out for very much needed help, from anyone kind and generous enough to provide. Every little bit helps, and I could never properly express in words how tremendously thankful and appreciative I would be for whatever anyone can possibly spare to aid in lifting me out of this deep rut my life is in right now. Even just time taken to read about my story, and any level of consideration at all, means the absolute world to me.

In advance, I would like to thank every single individual who visits this page, and promise with every fiber of my being to use any money raised through this GoFundMe to do exactly as I have outlined above, and work towards a happier, healthier future life that for the first time I am realizing and admitting to myself that I might actually deserve.

Thank you.