Bryan Family, Party of Three

I am certain that I grew up in the world's most amazing family. I had parents who raised my siblings and I to find joy, to cheat at board games, to hunt for sea glass, to enjoy the ride and to create our own path. We learned to find the silver linings.

I have always wanted to be a mom, to raise my children in a loving family like my own. Fostering was the start. Then, after fostering Mae since she was a newborn, I adopted my daughter in June of 2020. Last fall, I decided it was time to grow my family. (Sidenote: if you don’t know me, I’m a single mom.)

So, to try and make our little family a little bigger, I began consulting with fertility specialists. In January of 2021, I did my first round of IUI. IUI stands for intrauterine insemination, a procedure with which I could become pregnant on my own. This procedure, like other fertility procedures, is not covered by insurance for Vermont educators. ( Another sidenote: if you don’t know me, I’m a public school kindergarten teacher.) While this was the most affordable first step, just one cycle of IUI costs over $2,000. I knew this wasn’t a guarantee, but my doctor and I felt this was the most accessible way to proceed.

As January approached I tried guarding my heart for the possibility that it might not work on the first try. Still, if you know me, you know I put my entire heart into everything. When I saw my first negative test I was devastated. I was determined to continue with IUI, because my odds would increase each time. I felt sure by the summer, I would be sharing exciting news. With each cycle I added to my regiment of fertility boosters. I thought I had signed up to become pregnant, but what women who have gone or are going through this know, it’s not a picnic. It was prenatal vitamins and supplements, ultra sounds and blood draws, trigger shots and medication that gives you superovulation powers and mood swings.

I tried acupuncture; I balanced crystal over my ovaries; I doomsday-scrolled through hundreds of google searches. I ordered sperm and made weird eye-contact with the UPS guy. I called my family in tears.. I gave up coffee… and wine. It all felt worthwhile because I knew I was getting closer and closer to the baby I longed for.

As the year went on, I would go through seven failed rounds of IUI, each time harder than the past. My family continued to be hopeful but had more and more trouble finding the right words and silver linings. After the seventh cycle, I knew I needed to take a break and regroup. I was heartbroken.

I spent the summer of 2021 soaking up every moment with Mae. This was the first season of Mae’s life that wasn’t bound by visitations or strict pandemic restrictions. We swam everyday, visited the people we loved, adventured through the woods and picked what felt like all the fruit in the world. We blew bubbles, biked down giant hills (well, Mae biked down giant hills and I sprinted behind.) We made (and ate) our own ice cream and found joy wherever we could. It was a perfect summer.

When the summer ended I met with my doctor. He felt that IVF would be my best chance at pregnancy. IVF stands for In vitro fertilization, a more invasive procedure that has a much higher success rate. IVF will cost about $10,000. To do this, I've taken on extra jobs at school, budgeted like a mad woman, and applied for a grant. The pool of applicants was incredibly large. I wasn’t awarded the grant, but found a silver lining in learning that so many women and families also struggle with fertility and that I was not alone. Trying to find the joy,I called my sisters. I needed a way to make this happen. At that moment, I was reminded that sometimes it takes a village.

As I prepare for my IVF cycle I will be making this quilt that represents a village. This quilt will always remind me of the love that surrounds me. When Baby Bryan is born, Mae and I will wrap them in this blanket and share with them how deeply they are loved. This love will be shared in return, through the village we create.

Please consider sponsoring a piece of this blanket to help me raise the resources needed to grow my small family. The quilt is made up of unique houses, and each house is made of five pieces. By sponsoring a piece for $15or a house for $50 you will help me to begin my next hormone-fueled adventure. I will be adding each sponsor's name to the back of the quilt so our family can acknowledge and remember our amazing village. We are truly, truly thankful for each and every one of you.

(Final sidenote: Mae has been practicing to be a big sister. She has the world’s biggest heart!)