Care for Christina - Medical and Legal Aid

My mother is facing a medical emergency and also facing homelessness after being lured to another country by a man she thought loved her.

Sandra L. Brown, M.A., founder of the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education, estimates that 60 million people throughout the US are negatively affected by someone else’s pathology. That’s about one out of every twenty people. We all likely know at least one person who’s suffering mental or emotional abuse at the hands of their partner, parent, or someone else who’s close to them. The person I know who’s been most greatly affected by this is my mother, Christina Radi.

Growing up, my mother worked very hard to keep food on the table, sometimes working multiple jobs or doing a combination of working full-time and taking night classes. She was a single mother who was no stranger to hard work, and because of her attitude, I never knew how to close “poor” we actually were.

Christina also had and still has a huge heart, which she imparted to me. I remember the two of us volunteering some of our free time to organizations dedicated to cleaning up the environment, or doing work at animal rescues. She always had a way of reminding me how fortunate we were, and that we should use our time here to give back to the earth that sustains us, to act as stewards of it and of the other living things we share it with, and also to lend a hand to those less fortunate. In more recent years, she’s volunteered for organizations dedicated to fighting against human trafficking. Whether it was for the environment, animals, or other people, she always wanted to help the victims of mankind’s darker and more exploitative sides. Now she’s the one in need of help.

About nine years ago, my mother began dating a man she’d met at work. They purchased a home together and she began the long and difficult multi-year process of giving away the majority of her possessions in the US and setting up their new home in Italy. Traveling back and forth continually with her dog and running two households took an emotional toll on my mother, but she saw it as an investment in her new life. The start of the relationship seemed great but became complicated over the next few years, with him showing somewhat toxic tendencies that concerned her. They broke up briefly but then got back together. My mother’s husband-to-be told her that he did not want to lose her and that he would be willing to go into counseling to save their relationship. They began an intensive online counseling program and resumed their wedding and future planning. He promised to continue marriage counseling in Italy so they could have a healthy and strong relationship built on a solid foundation. About five years ago, they were married in a small ceremony that my now-fiancée and I attended virtually. A few months after, she briefly returned to the US and reduced the remainder of her life here to a few pallets of property. She returned to her home in Italy to begin the second half of her life.

As it turns out, the caring, romantic man Christina fell in love with was a lie, and his promises of going through counseling with her and of them building a happily-ever-after together were empty. Soon after she arrived and was isolated from me and the rest of her family and friends, those toxic tendencies that concerned her came out as full, narcissistic features of her husband’s personality. By the time he truly showed how awful he could be towards her and her animals, she was trapped, completely controlled by him financially and physically. Her Italian bank account was controlled by her husband and was in his name, she does not possess an Italian driver’s license, and her attempts to learn the language over the past years have been made difficult by her husband purposefully misleading her in her studies and doing everything in his power to socially isolate her. My mother has given me examples of the abuse she’s been going through, which include but are not limited to: being told she’d been married and brought to Italy for the purpose of being abused; being told she’s going to be made homeless and with no possessions; theft and destruction of personal property including family heirlooms, book manuscripts, and clothing; etc.

The abuse came to a head when Christina’s husband put his hands on her. Luckily, law enforcement and medical personnel intervened, and he’s being charged in relation to this. They are now going through a difficult divorce, during which her husband acts illegally or immorally as often as he can get away with. Initially, he had cut off all access to money to literally starve her, until he was advised by his lawyer that he couldn’t do that. However, he still inconveniences my mother in any way possible; using the house’s smart appliances to remotely turn off or turn up the heat, paying much less than her monthly allowance, paying it late, etc. Recently, the judge ruled that as a temporary measure, Christina should at least have the minimum amount of funds available in order to move to safety and find suitable housing. To prevent that from happening, Christina's husband refused to follow the judge’s orders. Her husband’s lawyer had even sent her a letter stating that they had no intention of following the judge's orders and that things would get worse for her. Then her husband cut the amount of support even further, in not only direct contempt of the judge's orders, but in direct opposition to Italian law and international human rights. She is now left unable to pay for haircuts, personal care items, and oftentimes for food. The lack of transportation resulted in her needing to withdraw from school or risk failing.

You may ask what Christina’s lawyers are doing about all this, and the answer is nothing. Her first lawyer shared information they weren’t supposed to share with her husband’s lawyer. Christina’s second lawyer has not responded to any of her emails in over a month. Adding to the strain, the Italian system is set up in a way that requires her to have several different lawyers for each aspect of her life - from income and taxation, to residency, to criminal, to civil, and personal. Furthermore, Italy’s version of the supreme court has ruled on proper protocol for situations like my mother’s, and recent, legally binding agreements with the EU were passed, but the local judicial system is lagging behind in their implementation.

As if these struggles aren’t hard enough on a person, Christina started developing health problems a few years ago. My mom’s health problems have rendered her too weak to engage in any kind of activity for very long and have barely left her with the strength to take care of herself and her pets. Some days, my mother has some energy. On other days, she’s in so much pain she can barely move. Other days still, she sleeps for up to sixteen hours. We don’t want to speak any more challenges into the universe, but given my mother’s age, her current diagnosis of one or more autoimmune disorders, and the physical signs on her body, her doctor has reiterated her need for a specialist as she might be suffering from cancer. Christina’s in desperate need of a full medical examination and bloodwork, with the specialist to determine the exact nature and causes of illnesses so she can begin a safe course of treatment. Despite knowing that my mother was severely ill, her husband still chose to financially cut her off, including from the private insurance plan (which he does not even pay for), and her allowance does not cover basic necessities. Given this, she can’t afford medical treatment or even transport to any facilities where she might get treatment. My mother goes about her business in the city on foot to take care of herself, the dog, the cat, and the house. Living in our world without the luxury of a car is hard enough, but for a woman this sick, and with limited physical movement, it is exhausting.

My mother was recently summoned to another branch of court. The judge in this branch was provided by my mother’s husband’s legal team with inaccurate information regarding the proceedings of the divorce court and is unaware of the ongoing charges in the case. The new judge, as such, approved a hearing for the false accusations of my mother trying to make a claim to and take the house. She’s also being sued for damages her husband claims to have suffered as a result of the impossibility of cohabitation. These accusations completely lack basis, as my mother has been trying to leave, but has been unable to do so by her husband and the court’s failure to hold him accountable; her husband was ordered to offer an extra allowance per month to help cover moving costs, but he has not done this at all. Also, as stated earlier, he has a habit of not even giving her the court-ordered amount for basic maintenance.

My mom has tried reaching out locally for help. She’s looked into social programs and allowances for women in her situation (and there is a scary number of women in her situation) and has come up with nothing. She’s even reached out to people in her vicinity, just for rides to and from appointments or the grocery store, but apparently, even asking for a ride once a month seems like too much for the people in her community. To my mom and to me, it’s looking like no one cares. If my mother does not get legal help she will be facing homelessness. If she can't get the medical attention she needs... I fear the consequences will be terminal.

We’re starting this fundraiser in the hopes that we might get my mother some financial help in getting through this trying time. Any money raised in this way will go towards:

1) Getting Christina the medical attention she needs

2) Hiring strong and effective legal help that will fight to keep the courts and Christina's husband accountable

3) Covering Christina’s initial costs of moving into a new place

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and for showing that you care.