Carey's Top Surgery: Doing it Myself is a "Bad Idea."

Yesterday I had my top surgery consult, which is something I thought would never happen. When I first started talkimg with my doctor about top surgery, I was on the oregon health plan, which is a government health plan for low income people. At first I was very excited and hopeful, because OHP covers top surgery 100%. Then, as I started getting calls from the clinic, I learned there would be up to a 5 year wait for me to get in for surgery. There are only two reasons I was able to get that consult yesterday. The first is my students, and supporters of horse archery. I don't often talk about it on the internet, but I have multiple disabilities that have caused me to be fired (illegally) from jobs. Unfortunately this is quite common. I would not be where I am today without the overwhelming support, enthusiam and passion of my students amd online supporters. In fact I am first grateful for the community that has grown around me online. The enthusiam there is what inspired me to continue sharing this beautiful art and led to a career that is accesible for me and has enabled me to afford my own health insurance. The second reason I was able to get the consultation is because of the Oregon Measure 111. This is legistlation that was put in place which makes healthcare a right in Oregon. This measure is enforced through a program where Oregon subsidizes part of individual's monthly insurance premiums based on their income level. I get teared up thinking about this because when this measure was on the ballot I told everyone I knew about it. I never stopped talking about it and bit my nails on the edge of my seat. I cried when it passed because I knew it would change lives. This legislation has allowed me to choose my own trans affirming insurance plan that would normally cost nearly $500.00 a month. Because of the people who voted yes for measure 111, I pay less than $250.00 a month for it. This is a great example of how legislation is so important. It can be the difference between life and death for so many people. For many trans poeple including myself, gender dysphoria causes intense suicidality. When I thought I would not be able to get top surgery, it led me to panic, considering attempting a DIY top surgery, hoping to get breast cancer so they would get removed, and ending my life. People often talk about transgender individuals high risk for suicide as if it is something that can be rainbow stickered and preffered-pronouned away but the real reasons trans people die by suicide are more real than just feeling sad or alone. Legislation saves lives. Hope can be the difference between someone living a long happy life, and passing away young. I know for me, especially as a person with a history of attempts, the distance between me and the ledge has increased with every step towards the possibility or dare I say probability of accessing surgical gender affirming care. I recognize that this is a massive privilege. I am so privileged to live in a state where gender affirming care is legal and healthcare is right (yay measure 111!) There are many states in the U.S now where gender affirming care is illegal, even some where being transgender is illegal. Many trans people dont have access to government programs to help them pay for gender affirming care, and many make just over the income limit to qualify for assistance programs, but still dont make enough to pay for it themselves. I am also incredibly privileged to have many friends in real life and online and some family members who are fiercely supportive of me. Having a supportive community, or even part or mostly a supportive community is an incredible privilege. Many trans people are in communities where they have to hide themselves and face intense transphobia and discrimination, assault and even murder. Even though I have a mostly supportive community, there are still people in my family and in my daily life who are unsupportive, or transphobic to the point I've had to un-come out to them, or explain being trans in a very convoluted way to avoid triggering that knee jerk reaction of hatred and disgust when they hear the word "Transgender." Community truly is the most important thing. So many of my students are trans, parents of trans kids or just supportive allys. This support has made me happier and safer and the support of their learning is what has made me able to afford the insurance for my care. I am so. So grateful. Obviously I wouldn't be typing this of I had everything all buttoned up and ready to go. Even with insurance the quote for my surgery is going to be somewhere between 1500.00 and 4000.00. The range will depend on the unknown hospital fees that the clinic who is doing the surgery doesnt know, and my insurance deductable. Currently my deductable should be met because of two recent emergency room trips. The bills for those trips are over 3000.00, but I am hoping that they should be covered by the Peace Health financial assistance program, which I have applied for and am anxiously waiting to hear back from. If they are not covered, that will complicate things. Originally when I started calling amd getting quotes I was trying to apply for Patient Fi, or find loans to take out. Patient Fi does not like me. But lately, as I've been trudging along I have felt a tug at my heart that I should ask for help more. I have always gone by the saying "The gods help those that help themselves." And figure its pointless to ask people to help you, and better to save your breath and shoulder it yourself. But I dont want to believe that its everyone to themselves in this world and I feel that there are many of my friends and family and even strangers who want to help people and want to know when I need help. I always tell people to call me if they need help, feel alone or anything and I genuinely mean it. How silly of me to assume when others say the same thing that they are insincere. So here I am, with my needs on the table to let you know. If you have it in your heart, or your pocket book to give me a hand, I greatly apreciate it. If you have a kind word of encouragement, I apreciate that as well. Although the prospect of this surgery is in reach, I am terrified it will all fall through and I will be trapped again. My doctor tells me that attempting a surgery on myself is a "bad idea." Psh. What does he know. Allegedly, Amazon warriors cut off their left tiddy so they could do archery better and they all seemed fine. ‍

Thank you for taking the time to read. I really apreciate your time and attention. And truly, if you want to support me but can't financilly, send me a nice message. I'm kind of going through it right now. ‍ Thank you again. And have a lovely rest of your day.