It's Only the Beginning

On 4 July, I was diagnosed with primary breast cancer. It is not a battle. I am not fighting anything. I am not on a journey. This is just how my life has unfolded. And although completely blindsided by this turn of events, it has not necessarily been a huge shock. Maybe this is why for the most part, I have been surprisingly gung ho.

Thanks to successful surgery, I am now technically cancer-free. However, due to a high risk of recurrence, not just of this cancer, but other cancers too, I am having to undergo chemotherapy until April 2024. After this, there might well be another surgery, but what is certain is there will be radiotherapy, then a myriad of pills, some for a few years, others for up to a decade. Even though I am almost halfway through chemo, the end isn't even in sight as yet - this is, to paraphrase Danny Zuko: only the beginning. Indeed, my oncologist has signed me off for 26 months to fully recuperate and hopefully, remain cancer-free. It is not hyperbole to say that the next few years are critical. Having been diagnosed with cancer at a younger age than my mother, I am scared I might have a recurrence before I reach fifty, and fear that I might not outlive her.

Despite a carefree start, my forties have been a series of health-related vicissitudes. Premature ovarian failure thrust me into an early menopause and wrecked havoc with my my body, particularly its vasomotor and cognitive function. Since the pandemic, post viral fatigue coupled with other underlying health issues largely prevented me from working. Then, I found out I had primary breast cancer. If cancer, chemo and the fear of recurrence are not stressful enough, I am starting to feel the financial pressure of these past few years as my reserves are near empty. Thankfully, being signed off means my rent is paid for, and a health-related benefit I am entitled to covers most of my bills. Regrettably, with prices continuing to rise, I am struggling. I worry wondering how I will cope over the next two years.

Since my diagnosis, people keep asking! if I need anything and/or how they can help me during this time. Physical help in the shape of cooking, cleaning, running errands etc are brilliant, but I also need financial help, something I am loathe to speak about, much less ask for, particularly in public. Shortly before I started chemo, I saw my ex-counsellor, now friend, who had breast cancer herself. She made me promise I would ask for help from others if needed, and accept it when offered. This is easier said than done, and I have vacillated over seeking assistance. But, with Christmas approaching and friends asking if there is anything I would like, now seems the right time. Even so I feel uncomfortable and vulnerable asking for this kind of help, and fear being judged. Mostly though, I feel ashamed and embarrassed that I have to ask for financial help.

So here we are...

There are one of two ways you can help (if you would like) - a John Lewis | Waitrose e-gift card will keep me well-fed, and mean I can divert my food budget for different uses.

Alternatively, and perhaps most useful, a direct financial donation will be invaluable as it can be put towards a myriad of things including (but not limited to) supplements, seeing a naturopath, gym membership* and other incidentals and activities to support my help against the many side effects of chemotherapy. Not just this, it will be used to lay the foundation to the next chapter of my life post treatment.

I cannot articulate just how discombobulating cancer, particularly chemotherapy, is. It is also surreal. I do not think I have even started to process it all yet. Regrettably chemotherapy has impacted me in ways I had not foreseen - am terrified that my brain function, (eyesight and hearing) might be permanently altered as a result. However, it has also been an unexpectedly positive and enriching time for me. The biggest gift is a renewed love for life and realising it is full of so many people who really do care about me. I am very fortunate for this. The only thing that would make it even better is to worry less and make the most of this period of recuperation. I hope you can help make this happen.

This fundraiser will run indefinitely or until I reach my target. Money can be given at any point over the next 26 months - much like my recovery - it is a marathon rather than a sprint.

Thank you ❤️

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Absolutely your prerogative if you choose to decline, but if you can help in even the smallest of ways, thank you so very much

Should you have any questions, please do not hesitate to drop me a line. For those who wish to share this page, you have my consent to do so - thank you

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*Exercise, especially weight bearing exercise is considered to be highly beneficial for breast cancer patients