A Home For Robin

When I was a kid fresh out of college and just starting my career in Early Childhood, I was hired to teach in a team that already had a lifetime of experience in the field. I was intimidated. There was one teacher who just had swagger. The families and students loved her. She had a great laugh and called everyone “boo boo” or “baby”. She sparkled with glitter body gel. She jingled when she walked from the many bracelets dangling off each wrist. And she smelled like cotton candy. The crankiest tantrum, the most recalcitrant learner, was always won over by her. She made learning fun and personal.

Little did I know that woman, Robin Crowell, would become one of my closest friends and greatest mentors. In the 15 years we taught together Robin took all the information and knowledge I learned in college and made it human. She made personal connections with parents and children, spent time with them outside of school socializing and laughing and supporting. She saw the whole person in the context of their family and community. And that’s why everyone loves her. She retired from UADC in 2016, celebrated by the many colleagues and families she had touched over decades of teaching.

Teaching is not a career that leads to wealth. And Early Childhood teachers, in particular, earn some of the lowest wages and have the least health benefits of any career in the United States. So, in the beginning of March 2023 when I received a call from Robin’s daughter, China Moon, telling me that Robin’s cognitive function had taken a sudden and dramatic decline I knew I needed to help.

Robin had been diagnosed with mild memory problems a few years ago. The doctors had said that with a healthy diet (Robin almost always ate healthily), exercise (for years, Robin walked EVERYWHERE), and brain-teasing puzzles the issues could be reversed or would remain mild for years. Then on March 3rd of 2023, she was wandering on the top floor of her apartment building. She was on the phone with her lifelong friend, Gwen, who noticed Robin was speaking strangely. Gwen realized that Robin thought she was back in her old Bed-Stuy walk-up in Brooklyn, NY!

Gwen got China on a three-way call so that she could hear Robin’s speech. It was clear something was wrong. They managed to talk Robin through getting back to her own apartment on the ground floor while China rushed over to Robin’s place. 20 minutes feels like a lifetime when your loved one is in distress.

China Moon took Robin into the UW Hospital emergency room on Friday, March 3rd where multiple tests were run over five (5) hours. After hour three (3) they swabbed Robin's nose and her COVID-19 test came back positive. How?! Over three (3) years of masking and dodging this virus and NOW this is the culprit which pushed her over the edge and worsened her mindset?

Unfortunately, in the United States, the medical field has a history of treating Black women as unreliable sources of their own bodies. China Moon felt the medical staff initially were not taking her or her mother seriously. They were leaning towards discharging Robin. China was not having it. Calmly and firmly she told the nurse and doctor present "I don't know what your protocol is here for admittance, but I feel if you send my Mother home tonight, she is not going to make it through."

Ten minutes later it was agreed Robin would be hospitalized however, they didn't have any beds available. She would be transported to Unity Meriter by EMTs. Due to Robin having only Medicare, China asked if this transport and hospital stay would be covered as UW was a properly listed hospital for Robin's Medicare plan. It was. So on Saturday, March 4th, Robin was admitted with COVID. Her blood pressure had not come down from 195/88. This was strange. Later, China discovered Robin had not been taking her blood pressure medication nor was she eating. During the week Robin spent at Meriter, she was given belly shots to limit her risk of blood clots and she weighed only 109 pounds upon admittance.

That Tuesday, the doctor phoned China Moon with Robin's formal diagnosis: "Vascular Dementia with Failure to Thrive." No cure. Non-reversible. She will get progressively worse over time with this disease.

Robin's short-term memory loss causes her to repeat herself and ask the same questions numerous times an hour or day. She forgets to eat. She forgets to take her medication. Sometimes she forgets how to do routine tasks like brushing her teeth for at least 2 minutes, washing her hands for at least 20 seconds, or showering. It’s a little heartbreaking to see the paper taped to the bathroom mirror, the same one Robin used all those years at the preschool, showing the steps for how to “rub and scrub” as she used to say.

Overnight, Robin was suddenly unable to live independently. Her daughter, already valiantly making a financial recovery after 3 years of Covid nearly shut down her mobile bartending business of sixteen (16) years, was now juggling her home, business, and her mother’s residential, medical and financial needs. With her business acumen at the ready, China Moon as Robin's POA was adeptly navigating Medicaid options and Medicare, negotiating with her landlord and her mother’s landlord of 25 years and Robin’s financial institution, and advocating for her mother with doctors. For now, Robin will live with China (an empty nester herself for over a decade) in her apartment. But it is already apparent that they will need a bigger space for the two (2) households and more care than China can give alone.

According to Seniorliving.org, the national average cost for memory care in the United States is $6,935 a month and according to the Alzheimer's Foundation, loved ones, including family members and friends, provided more than $271 billion in unpaid care to people with Alzheimer's and other forms of dementia in 2021. Unsurprisingly, memory care costs run higher than many other types of senior care, such as assisted living.

Robin will need home care for the rest of her life. Home care is different from home health care in that a support person is hired to support Robin in accomplishing daily care routines like dressing, eating, bathing, and going on outings so that she can sustain as much vibrancy as possible. Essentially, home care staff assure that Robin will receive similar care to the care she has given hundreds of children and families over her career as an Early Childhood Educator.

Robin may also need home health care at a later date, in which a registered nurse comes to their home each day to assure that Robin receives whatever medical assistance she needs. This might include taking her blood pressure or performing tests to see how much Robin’s condition has changed over time. The median cost of full-time at-home health care for seniors was $5,148 per month in 2021. (This amount is based on 44 hours of care per week.)

Even moving Robin out of her apartment of 25 years has costs, both financial and emotional. For Dylilah, Robin’s granddaughter, this apartment is Mama’s House, the place where she skipped rope, played t-ball, went sledding, had unlimited bubbles and glitter, and worked in the flower garden. 25 years of life need to be sorted, saved, donated, and stored. Stored for some future time when Robin has the space for her most precious pictures and items to be around her again.

But where will home be for Robin and China Moon, not to mention their combined family of four much-loved cats? China Moon is currently caring for Robin on the third floor of an apartment complex, with too many stairs for Robin to manage and not enough access to fresh air and exercise. China Moon has re–prioritized her life, her business, and her home overnight to ensure Robin is safe and loved yet she feels Robin deserves better. For her vibrant, fun-loving, energetic mother to be confined to a small apartment for much of her day is unacceptable to China Moon. Robin needs a home.

China Moon has already overcome obstacles that would have felled lesser daughters. She has negotiated the early release of Robin’s lease with no penalty from Robin’s landlord. She has worked out a deal with her own landlord to allow a second person to live in the apartment at no additional cost. She has activated her Power of Attorney for Robin’s medical decision-making, made herself conversant with Robin’s medical history and medications, and contacted Robin’s insurance agent. She has delegated work to her employees so she has time to care for Robin, at least temporarily. Dylilah has dedicated time to caring for the grandmother who has cared for her all her life, giving her mother some respite. And all this while processing an enormous amount of medical information that is critical to Robin’s care.

While China Moon and Dylilah would love to dedicate their lives to Robin’s care, the fact is, they don’t have the medical expertise to do so. There is no other family nearby who can help. Robin’s only living brother is in California and is not in a position to help. And trying to be a mother, daughter, business owner, advocate, primary caretaker, and medical expert is taking their toll.

On the phone that night and the next day with China I kept thinking “How can I help? What can I do?”

Like Robin, I had been an Early Childhood professional for decades and faced similar financial challenges. Robin didn’t need food. She didn’t need a ride to medical appointments. She needed a caregiver during the times that China was working out of the home on assignments. She needed someone to keep her engaged and active and safe. Someone with the education and experience to help Robin be her best self within the parameters of her new abilities. A professional. Someone who would care for her the way she had cared for hundreds of children over her teaching career.

How could I help in any way towards buying a home? Would financial institutions treat China with the respect she deserved? Or would they see this family in need as too much of a risk?

I know that financials ask for a LOT of assurance that an applicant will be able to repay their loan; especially those who are self-employed. A substantial down payment would go a long way towards convincing them that China Moon and Robin are a sure thing. With China Moon’s business acumen and drive to succeed, they would be a good candidate for home ownership. And as Black women, they would be starting a nest egg for future generations.

With the help of a friend in real estate, China Moon is looking throughout Waunakee, Westport, Windsor, DeForest, and surrounding areas of south-central Wisconsin. A home with at least 3 bedrooms, minimal stairs, 2 bathrooms, a fireplace, a garage, and a yard (China Moon grows vegetables and herbs annually) for Robin averages around $359,00. If we could raise 3.5% of that amount it would constitute a significant portion of the down payment. So that’s our goal: to raise $I2,565 by June 1 of 2023!

Let’s help them find a home. Robin has helped hundreds of children feel safe and loved while they were at school. So many hugs, so many reassurances. Let’s help Robin feel the same love and sense of safety in a home she can navigate.