A "Bun" in the Oven

Lim and Amber

Our Story:

No one tells you how quiet infertility is. It is the moment, every month, when you know you are not pregnant. It is the calendar reminder appearing in the background to get another blood test. It is the whispers prayed to God in the darkness trying to figure out His will. It is the sadness inside of the tremendous amount of joy you feel for someone who becomes pregnant. It is the sudden fury that rises up inside you whenever you hear of child abuse. It is the heartbreaking touch from a friend who had also walked their own silent journey of pain. It is the waiting.

When Amber was asked as a child and as a young woman, “How many children do you want to have?” Her answer was always, “As many as God will let me have.” She has exercised her faith in His Promise to be fulfilled. What a heartbreaking struggle to wonder if maybe that was not part of His plan, and only our heart’s desire.

We have spent almost five years of our marriage on this journey to have a child. We knew there were issues, (PCOS ) but told not to worry. When we tried to conceive, it became measured, timed, and tested, intimacy broken down like a quadratic equation. We saw a specialist and went a year on oral and injected medications that created a chaotic spiral of emotional, spiritual, physical, and logical areas of our lives completely off their handle. At this point, we both made career changes to regain a semblance of “normalcy.” Additional jobs were added to help with expenses, and budgets adjusted, and readjusted. Lim witnessed as Amber would go from depression to tears, to anger, and back at any given moment. We have a nick in our kitchen counter-top to remind us of these turbulent days. Injections, pills, diet, exercise, labs, and office visits that ended in explosive sobs was our new normal.

After a year passed before we started with another specialist who spoke the most reassuring feelings back into our life- HOPE. The doctor helped Lim get on supplements and began preparing for the next steps on this journey. These supplements meant that we both were part of this path, because until that point, many of the challenges were one sided and female focused. However, we came together as a team and for us that meant that Lim also sought guidance, wisdom, and fellowship because more often the men’s side of this journey is overshadowed by the consistent reminders that women face each month.

We foolishly thought this would be quick, but moving forward takes its own time. Two surgeries (Septate Uterus and Endometriosis ) later and we are back on the specific medications, and timed intimacy. It has been revealed to be a marathon, not a sprint; a test of our faith and patience. We have grown and have learned to trust God in His Peace and Promise, through this storm. It has been multiple struggles compiled together, and many days we felt alone. We, however, are not alone. We are part of a greater community of people who love, cry, and live in a vignette of diversity that is our life. God has brought people to us from all walks of life, and we are grateful. That is why we humbly reach out now.

When it comes to our family motto, we believe that we must remember to be hospitable, because we may be helping in ways we may not have imagined and inspire in ways we could not know. How we live this motto is to contribute to a community that embraces what it means to be welcomed, wanted, curious, and loved. We delight in feeding our community, offering our home for rest and respite, and a place to be authentic. We offer our time and talents to lighten burdens, our trust to confide in, our advice to guide, our care to nurture, and sometimes just our presence to be present. Thus, we strive to create a community in this world that many call “home.”

If you are the type of person who believes that one person can change the world through their words, or their actions, and if you are the type of person who feels that community is more than flesh and blood, and that it takes a community to raise a child, then you belong in our community. This community is not just any community, but one that amplifies the heart and soul of a home. We are reaching out to you, because we trust you share these same beliefs we do.

Your Role:

The Infertility process is intimidating, and it is one we know we should not take on alone.

We would be grateful in your support in a few areas.

Prayer and Encouragement:

The next six to twelve months will be the most arduous part of this journey for us. We believe fully that we are dedicated to this, but we also fully expect the endeavor to be strenuous; one filled with battles and even more emotions. Would you commit to pray for, and encourage us consistently? Your prayers would be in regard to a healthy conception and pregnancy, as well as for strength in the unknown that we will be facing. We will keep you posted on specific prayers as they come. Simply pray.

Financially:

In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF) will cost around $20,000.00+ on a low average. Simply put, there is no way we can do this on our own, but we know that we have made our efforts and any shortcomings can be provided for, and that God will utilize our family and friends to help. Every time we do an IVF procedure means we add another $12,400.00 to the cost.

Cost breakdown (Average):

Each IVF cycle: $12,400.00

Medications: $3,000-$5,000.00

Hospital stay and NICU care: $3,000 per day

Note: we will likely need NICU care, because of the previously mentioned medical issues linked above.

Labs, ultrasounds, office visits, insemination, surgeries: this is hard to put in a monetary format because we have many of them. Most of them qualify for our insurance: $2,600.00 deductible, leading to an 80/20 coinsurance.

We have already paid more than $13,000 out of pocket ourselves with our deductible starting over each, and every year we have been trying, totaling over $52,000.00

Awareness:

We are grateful for the prayers, encouragement, and/or financial support, the last thing we ask is to take a moment to share with people you know who have been on this journey, other friends and family, or if you are on this journey. We are hoping for success on many levels and a simple share can generate the momentum we need to rise through this together. You can choose to do this through your (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, SnapChat), or please feel free to reach out to us directly.

Should this plan not be fulfilled we have not closed the door on adoption, but due to the comparatively overwhelming out of pocket cost, we are compelled to try this path first. We were surprised to find that our insurance does allow some of the procedures that most insurance do not cover. This feels to us like a God-given opportunity to try and we will consider adoption as a possible next step.

With our love and gratitude,

Lim and Amber Bun