Running for you Mom-(HALF MARATHON, Oct. 2024)

** RUNNING My 3rd FULL-MARATHON - Oct. 2024** - Cottman Strong

I pledge to run and raise money for the Susan G. Komen Foundation for as long as my body is able!

God Bless!

MY STORY:

In Honor of my Mother, I will be participating in the Rock ‘n’ Roll Arizona Half-Marathon on January 16th, 2022.

 

This particular race is very significant to me and my family. I ran this exact race in January of 2016.

I trained my tail off for months because I wanted to accomplish something different. I set big goals and pushed myself like I had never done before. I finished that race in 1:43:12 (7:52 splits/13.1 miles).

When the race was over, I was extremely proud of myself and excited for what I was able to accomplish. I know that I made my family proud as well. If you know me at all, you know that running long distance was never my forte, but this was different.

 

Sadly, three days after the race, my Mother was diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer. Stage 4 out of 5. My world was turned upside down faster than I finished that race. My Mother battled for almost two years……two years that I wish I could get back every single day.

This race is not only for my Mother, but also for those who are battling breast cancer today. At 30 years of age, my Goal this time around is to beat my previous time and to raise as much money as I can for the Susan G. Komen Foundation in Dallas, Texas.

 

The truth is, I have struggled for years since the loss of my Mother. I have struggled to express myself to my own family, loved ones, and the people closest to me. I have not only been battling depression, and selfishness, but I even lost my faith along the way. I have also struggled to love myself. Being vulnerable has always been a challenge for me. That is why I am here today, sharing my story with all of you.

 

I have been met with some hard realizations in life these last couple of months, but as a result, I am starting to feel God’s grace again and I finally feel my Mom’s presence for the first time in years. Whether you are religious or not, this is my story that I have been compelled to share because I am done struggling and I am ready to feel God’s glory again. However, I do not want people to worry or feel sorry for me. I just want to tell this story for my family, my loved ones, and the people closest to me, because they deserve to hear this most.

Also, this is for those of you who are struggling today with grief and/or the loss of a loved one. I want to let you know it’s ok to ask for help and that you don’t have to do this alone.

 

Not many people know my story, but I am finally ready to share with everyone. I have pushed so many people away while trying to deal with this alone. It is time for me to quit being selfish, because the truth is, I am not the only one who has lost a mother. I am ready to reclaim my faith.

 

So here we go,

 

It was Christmas time (2017) and I was flying from Boston to El Paso for the holidays. Sadly, I was only home for three days because I had to fly back to the East Coast (on Christmas Day). Leaving my Mom was always hard for me because I was so far away and she was struggling. My brother called me two days later and said I needed to come back because Mom was being placed on Hospice. At the time, I was heartbroken, but I knew how much pain my mother was in, and I knew she was at peace with her faith. Although it was a hard pill to swallow, my family and I knew she was ready. Thankfully, the organization whom I worked for at the time (The New England Patriots) was amazing and fully supported my family and I. They always took care of plane tickets and they allowed me to be home with my family whenever I needed. I am forever grateful for them.

 

That day when my brother called me, I rushed to the Boston Logan Airport but got caught in typical Boston traffic and missed my flight.

Luckily, I was able to hop on another flight that was just a two-hour difference. However, this flight had a layover in Dallas Fort Worth. During my layover at DFW, I was texting with my Family. Nothing seemed to be alarming at the time, so I was just anxious to just get home. I was boarding the plane for a 2-hour flight back to El Paso when I received a text message from a family member saying “I am sorry for your loss.” I read the text right as I was taking off. My heart sank, time stopped, and I didn’t know what to do. I fumbled to get WIFI on my phone because it was currently unavailable at takeoff. I had to wait until WIFI was available to text my brother. I still vividly remember his text coming through saying, “I’m so sorry Ray, Moms gone.”

I lost my mother that night without saying goodbye. The last time I spoke to her and kissed her was Christmas Day, right before I left. This has crushed me for years.

 

My Mother passed away on December 28th 2017.

 

I have beat myself up for years, wishing I would have never left her side.

I wish I could have done more to help her while she was battling.

I wish I could have been there.

I wish I could have said goodbye.

 

These last couple of years, I have struggled with my faith and struggled to believe in anything. I know, above everything that having faith would be the last thing my mother would have wanted for me, but unfortunately, I didn’t know how to cope with the grief. I put a wall up, which I struggled to get through myself. I pushed everyone away, including God.

 

Recently, I have gone through some hard realizations that have helped me to understand what It was that I was truly missing most in my life, and that was my Faith. For that, I am very grateful for these realizations. I am also grateful for my family for always being there when I needed them. I am sorry I pushed you guys away so often. I love you. I also believe that there were several people put in my life through these years to help me, but I continued to push them away as well. For that, I am so sorry, and I am so grateful for your support and love. I was selfish and just trying to prove to myself that I didn’t need help. I allowed my ego to get the best of me. More importantly, I struggled to allow my true self to be seen and that is absolutely no way to live.

 

I haven’t prayed or cried this much in years. But the good news is that I feel my faith again, I feel God’s grace, and I feel my Mother’s presence. I know more so now, than ever, that God was ready for my mother, and she was ready to join him.

I am blessed to have the life I have, and I am grateful for my family, loved ones, and the people closest to me. God is great and I will never turn my back on him again.

 

This is God’s plan.

 

Thank you everyone for reading this. I plan to crush this run and raise as much money as I can. So, in order to do this, I'm going to do something I haven't done in years: I'm going to ask for everyone’s help, it would mean the world to me if you all just donated a little bit, in order to help those who are battling today. No amount is too small. It would also mean the world to me if you all would come to the race and watch me beat my old time. I felt like I didn’t do enough when my Mom was sick, so now I feel like it is my calling to help others who are battling today…. in Honor of her.

 

I know the above was a little heavy, so here’s a funny story to lighten the mood. At my race in 2016, my family didn’t even make it to the finish line in time to watch me finish. Supposedly, they “didn’t think I would finish that fast” haha, joke’s on them. Vanessa also told me a funny story as to why they didn’t make it……….I guess my Dad didn’t want to pay for parking and my mom kept yelling at him to just pay when she knew I was about to finish the race. Thanks Dad and thanks for the story Ness. You guys better be at this finish line this time!

 

I want to end with two of my favorite quotes from the great book The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. I want to share these with everyone, as I have read this book multiple times, and it has made a big impact in my life.

 

“We are afraid of losing what we have, whether it’s our life or our possessions and property. But this fear evaporates when we understand that our life stories and history of the world were written by the same hand.”

 

“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart had ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second encounter with God and with eternity.”

 

One last thing, this quote was given to me after my mother passed. I haven't seen the quote in years, and it recently appeared. I know this is my mom communicating with me, telling me that I'm on the right path. Thanks for all the omens Mom, I love you like a fat kid loves cake!

 

“Grief never ends, but it changes. It’s a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness nor a lack of faith. It is the price of Love.”

 

God Bless and I love you all.

Raymond

Finished Races: 

January 2022 - Phoenix Half-Marathon (Finished 1:42:23)

June 2022 - San Diego Full-Marathon (Finished 4:49:27)

October 2022 - Long Beach Full-Marathon (Finished 4:15:02)

January 2023 - Phoenix Half-Marathon (Finished 1:42:05)

May 2023 - Orange County Half-Marathon (Finished 1:35:06)

May 2023 - Laguna Hills Memorial Day Half-Marathon (Finished 1:40:09)

January 2024 - Phoenix Half-Marathon (Finished 1:40:54)

October 2024 - Long Beah Full-Marathon (Finished 4:08:02)