Damian and Dominic..

I'm sitting in a consultation room right now and the main thing distracting me from reality is pretending. This isn't real, writing helps. I think I'm going to bed tonight, waking up and this is another nightmare. I'm in a hallucination. I don't know, I don't want money because it's not fixing pain bit when reality sets in I have to think about the "costs". The "expenses" to burry my first born and his dinosaur brother. Whom I know no details about the incident, nor do I ever want to know. Call me selfish, I'm signing over rights to my third child to his grandfather and grandmother to make every decision I can not make, along with my boys... My boys... My first born and my dinosaur

To know my children, is to love them.

I can't process mentally right now, but I know it's going to set in soon.

So, backstory. Their father and I have been best friends since he was 4 I was 8, he followed me everywhere. He annoyed me, but most importantly he loved me. He loved our children and though irresponsible non the less, he was a great father who loves his boys as much as I do. If not to preeclampsia and having my son born at 33 weeks Tuesday I would have been with my boys, this would not have happened. But, I didn't ask to go into preterm labor and have a child ripped from my body and 2 taken from me, and one fighting for his life. So, what I do ask, if and when reality sets and it is time for the "expenses" my children have more than what is needed. I can't share photos because it makes me sick, I can't be on here long it makes me sick. But, I can do this for them. I come from a bad neighborhood, as does their father. We didn't get normal childhoods, but we've done everything humanly possible for our kids. Pray for my 3rd child and his father as they go under surgery today