Please Help Me Continue Working!

UPDATE May 13th

Happy Belated Mothers Day to all the Beautiful, Wonderful, Tireless (though sometimes exhausted) Patient (and Impatient), Dedicated Mother’s out there.

To everyone who has donated or sent words of encouragement, you guys are amazing!

My apartment has been secured. And I’ve even begun making friends with people in the building now who seem genuinely concerned and are on the band wagon to prevent anyone entering the main entrances without keys.

Because he has not yet been picked up my laptop has still not been returned to me and while I have been using the library and Apple Store computers I am desperate for a computer to continue working.

Because I am in design and my making money is dependent on my ability to create graphic content, and to market and manage a retail website I am really struggling with this last part.

If anyone has a laptop to lend or donate please DM me. Otherwise please consider sharing this fundraiser or donating.

We are almost there!

Hi there. I hope this finds you well and warm and surrounded by people you love this holiday season.

My name is Daria Millman. I am from NYC initially but have been living in Westchester where I recently was forced to leave because of the ongoing violence from my ex partner and abuser of two years. I am raising emergency funds to relocate so that I can remain safe during the trial against him and begin rebuilding my life.

(this is me on my best day)

(Sneaker ball thrown at my head)

(Suffocated and beaten under covers)

(Belt buckle whipping)

(Belt buckle whipping)

For those of you who can and do donate, thank you from the bottom of my heart. For those of you who can not or will not, I thank you for reading anyways, maybe it will inspire you to help someone you know in a similar situation. Or maybe you are experiencing it yourself and will feel a little less alone and inspired to seek help for yourself.

MY STORY

December 12, 2023, was my 37th birthday. It was also the day I finally moved out of the home where the abuse took place on the suggestion of the District Attorney, and the few friends and family I still have in my life.

Now homeless, jobless, and without the distraction that the actual physical abuse provides, I find myself desperate, but not hopeless. Domestic violence has taken nearly everything from me. But quantity is not quality, and with your help and what I do still have left, I have more than the makings of a survival story. But right now I am very scared and feel very alone and am hacking together shelter night by night.

THE FOE

Domestic violence is insidious, pervasive, and ultimately corrosive. It is not just the 4 consecutive months of black eyes, or the bulging discs in my back, or the countless concussions and damage to my cerebellum. It is the near erasure of my social infrastructure. It is the reluctance to accept yet another job because of the expectation that he will likely sabotage it through slander, or direct threats, as he has countless times over the past year.

It is my erratic mood swings resulting from head trauma coupled with the after effects of severing the emotional trauma bond that leaves me feeling incompetent and unfit to be around others in any capacity, whether it be social or professional. It is not being able to look at my feet because I can only think of him smashing them in our closet door, repeatedly, while shaming me for making too much noise and bothering our neighbors. It is not wanting to sleep under blankets because I am afraid I will be suffocated with them. It is having to force myself to shower every morning when for so many months it was safer to stay unclean because it decreased the likelihood he would want anything from me physically. And if he didn't "want me" or "need me", maybe he wouldn't beat me when I said no.

It is his voice in my head telling me I am nothing, that I am an abomination, a failure, and his most devastating lesson, though incomplete at worst, and incorrect at best, that my love puts me in danger, and that loving me, means pain and destruction for all involved.

It is also not having a dollar to my name and having nowhere to go. Despite working with law enforcement, the District Attorney's office, social services, and countless other incredible professionals dedicated to this cause, I was still forced to leave the home I lived in to maximize my chances at staying safe.

THE FIGHT

In June of this year I finally mustered the courage to call the police o over a year of increasingly sadistic violence, devastating psychological and emotional manipulation, and relentless social and financial sabotage. Some days it feels like it was too late.

The order of protection that was put into place in June was almost immediately violated and has since never actually seemed to matter. He has been arrested 3 more times, and each time I have become more disillusioned with the system intended to protect me, and victims like me. The most recent arrest in October was a result of a multifaceted attack, on not only me, but also a friend of mine, as well as my home. I had been assured that he should not have been given the privilege of a bail option, however, and yet it was set at 100,000 dollars, and he was able to post bail at 10k and leave the precinct within 6 hours of his arrest.

Since then I have sustained some of the most serious injuries in retaliation for having filing the report about the event. Despite being left unprotected after reporting him, I can not give up on the system, nor can I let my fear of retaliation let him win. I can not let the the doubt, the shame to stop me from asking for the help I can not manage without. We must continue to take a stand against him and the structures built upon isolation of victims and lies of perpetrators that permit abusers to continue to destroy so many countless lives while never truly being held accountable.

Instead of trying to control the narrative, or act as though I know how he needs to be punished, which I once believed, I need to focus on changing the things I actually can. So here I am. I can speak my truth, rather than hide it. I can stop trying to save my face and actually save my ass instead.

I can’t go quietly anymore. I can’t let him continue to impose on me in my home and threaten me. I can’t be afraid of standing up for myself. But when facing homelessness the most direct path to shelter is, in my case, to protect my abuser.

(One of many black eyes)

(This was toppled on me while I was in bed. I was able to get out from under with only my leg minorly bruised)

THE PLAN

Domestic violence shelter spots for single women without children are in extremely high demand, and are only a temporary solution if there is availability and I am accepted. I am already in the process of applying for emergency housing aid, however, after having been denied several months ago, I can not put all of my hope in that one option. While any amount of money will be immensely useful and appreciated, I am hoping to raise $10,000 dollars.

It is the amount of cash one person was willing to sacrifice for his bail only for him to continue to abuse me while the legal proceedings continued. I implore those of you still reading to please help me show them what good can be done with that same amount of money. It will be a show of force, and will completely alter the course of my life for the better. I will be keeping this page updated regularly as to my status in these other arenas, and will continue to do so until I have moved in to my new place.

YOUR HELP

Your generously donated funds will be my lifeline, and will be allocated for the following , in this order.

1) 10k towards relocation. This would allow me up to three months rent, security deposit and moving costs. I have already done the research and have numerous options lined up. Having my housing secured for several months will allow me to stabilize, reestablish myself professionally, and fortify a sustainable source of income while pursuing the case against my ex.

2) $2,000 towards medical care for sustained injuries and supplemental mental health care. I am in desperate need of psychological and physical care, and this will help me to establish an effective level of continued care.

3) $500 towards the basics

$10,000 dollars is a tall order, and any amount towards this goal will make a tangible and immense difference in my life. But if they can spend that money towards devastation, I know we can raise it to rebuild. Please share this where and when you can, every bit of exposure will help!

Thank you for reading my story, for your generosity and kindness, no matter what form it takes. You are my guardian angels, and I am forever grateful.

To those of you who have never wavered in your support and love, thank you for getting me out alive. I would not be here if it were not for you.

Peace and love, no matter the holiday.

Have heart, always.

Daria