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All for you, pops

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On Wednesday August 11th, 2021 shortly after midnight I was woken up to someone banging on my front door. The second I opened it, I knew.

A chaplain stood there, with all of the world’s empathy in her eyes confirming my name. Immediately I said “yes, is this about my dad?”. She didn’t say a word and I just broke down. Fell to the floor, my face cupped between my hands, sobbing, gasping for air. I have never felt so shattered in my entire life.

My father had suffered from severe depression the majority of his life. This had happened previously, but he was unsuccessful within the attempt. You know what happened? He stayed. He stayed for decades, for me. He showed up in every way he possibly could, supporting me within every endeavor. He was so proud of me as his daughter. He sat with so much agonizing pain for years and years… and still he stayed.

The hurt of losing someone to suicide is debilitating. I debated talking about this, because I do not want any sympathy. I know some of my family members blatantly told me they don’t want this publicly discussed either and were tremendously disrespectful when I advocated for my father. Can I be honest? I don’t care. If me speaking up can potentially save another human, I will never stop. I will never stop advocating for those with depression. I will NEVER be ashamed of my father and how his life ended. I will forever be a voice and a light, in every capacity. The stigma around mental health is entirely unacceptable and I want no part in it.

Hear me when I say this: You never know what someone is going through or when someone is living their last day. PLEASE remember this with every interaction you have.

I love you pops, I will forever be your little girl. Thank you for loving me and showing up in every way you knew how. You are, and will always be, the strongest and most selfless human I know. Selfishly I wish you were here, I wish I could hug you one more time, I wish you could have met your grand daughter. She really is the sweetest and funniest girl in the world. I wish love could have saved you so I could have one more day. But it isn’t about me… it is about you. And I just hope you’re finally at peace. You are so deserving of that. I love you, infinitely.

To anyone donating: THANK YOU. There are so many people suffering and I wholeheartedly believe this donation can and will be life changing for those receiving it. If you’d like a ‘love more always’ bracelet, please DM me on Instagram @allleexg. I will happily send you one as a thank you. (I do kindly ask that your donation is at least $20 if you’d like a bracelet. I am covering all shipping and bracelet costs out of pocket, not out of donations made).
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Donations 

  • Erin Peterson
    • $50
    • 2 yrs
  • Nathan Trefethen
    • $800
    • 2 yrs
  • Kendall Dekreek
    • $35
    • 2 yrs
  • Patrick Cutter
    • $50
    • 2 yrs
  • Toni Malenoski
    • $25
    • 2 yrs
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Organizer

Alex Gibbons
Organizer
Folsom, CA

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