Don't FEAR dying. Fear not LIVING

Hi Everyone,
I want to thank you for being so supportive during this difficult time. My dad, as you know, is a very private person and would never ask for help on any of this, as he wouldn’t want to trouble anyone.
As you’ve heard and read here, my dad has a very rare form of cancer. Stage IV non small cell neuroendocrine lung carci nonoma. It is a non small cell acting as a small cell carcinoma which is rare, but also his is even more rare than these rare tumors.

It is very aggressive. Extremely aggressive, which we first found out when he had a brain tumor removed and they kept re-forming in the brain.

Not only does he have it in the brain, he has it in the adrenal glands, lymph nodes, pancreas, lung, and other vital organs. There is no cure for my father. We are biding as much time as we can, by doing the treatments. Some of these treatments are extremely painful such as Gamma Radiation and others make him extremely sick which forces him to sleep for days and very tired for weeks.
As you know my dad is extremely tough and is doing whatever it takes to be with his wife, grandsons, and me. His will to live is unlike anyone else I’ve ever seen before.
As we’re running out of time, we have very little options left. But he is willing to do them if insurance covers the cost of treatment. He struggles going to work when he physically feels like he can, because the company needs him. When he does work, he struggles with nausea, headaches, weakness, and blackouts. And yet he does everything possible to not show it with others, including his own family. This brings stress to the family due to the fact he cannot relax and enjoy the time left with his family.
My parents have never been so in love as they are now. Not wanting to be apart, my father goes everywhere with my mother when he can. It has become a joke to the family because he even goes to the nail salons with her and sits and waits. But her love for him keeps her at home not wanting to leave his side. Even at bedtime, not knowing he’s doing it, he will reach out and grab my mom’s hand, making sure she’s still there.
John and Jerri are like most people in that they had planned to spend time together during their retirement years. Whether it be a simple trip to the nail salon or visiting their local favorite diner. But instead, they are now spending the rest of his days not getting to enjoy the rest of his days.
So now I’m asking for any kind of help for my mother to not worry about finances as much. And for my father to be able to enjoy his time with all his friends and family. And hopefully be able to do something he’s always wanted to do as he’s always worked to provide for his family.
He’s worked long hours, even 6-7 days a week providing for his family. He served our country honorably while in the Army, stationed at Fort Bliss. Rarely did I ever get to see him when I was growing up. And even working those long and crazy hours, my dad still helped so many people, even when he didn’t feel like it.
So, I’m asking you to give our family time to spend together. For the few months he has left. Because he deserves it and because he’s my daddy. Because he's my daddy and the only man that's always been there for me. Even if he were upset with me or some of my life choices. He has never stayed upset with me. His love for me has been unconditional.
And many of you have looked up to him as a dad, also seeing firsthand his ability to make you smile or laugh as you knew he did so well.
We can’t stop what is inevitable, but we can give him a better quality of life. Not immersed in the stress of future events but focusing on the present with his family and friends. Let us all enjoy the present with him. Because as we all leave this world, we all want there to be good memories left behind. And he truly has left each one of us good memories.
It has taken me almost a year to write this letter as I couldn’t ask for help nor did my father want that. Our family doesn’t usually ask for help but I’m asking for your help from all of us. Both of my parents, myself and his two grandsons are stressed, tired and heartbroken. We, but especially my father, need this time to not worry so we can enjoy the time we have with him.
If you know me or my family, we have lost lots of loved ones suddenly and this is the first time we have dealt with someone we love like this. As you know we lost my brother suddenly, which hurt my family as we didn’t get to say goodbye. Let us be able to say goodbye to my dad in a way that is meaningful. We want this time to be with him, making memories that will give us peace in these dire circumstances.
If you can donate something, we would be most appreciative. But don’t feel that you must. We’re just appreciative that you care enough to read this and be a part of our lives.
And if you don’t mind, if you have a funny story, or something you want to share about my dad. Please do so at the end of this.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Brandy
PS Just in case my father reads this.
I'm sorry Daddy, but I think you know by now that I had to do this and that you truly deserve this. You need to enjoy life. Not worry about others. You are the only man who's always been by my side. Loved me unconditionally. The one who I could always count on. Now I want you to count on me and know how many people’s lives you have touched. You’re going to see they want to help you. I love you so much. I wish and pray to God that I could change the outcome.
And I know you don't want to leave us. Just as I can't lose you. I love you more than you know. I will do anything I can to give you some form of peace under the circumstances. I couldn't write this letter until now. Because I couldn't write a sentence without crying so badly to the point, I couldn't even see what I was writing.
I finally did write this letter, and I hope you know I am still praying for more time or a miracle. I'm not giving up on you. I just simply want to give you a better life than you have now. Because you deserve it. You have sacrificed your life for Mom, David and me. Also, Mason and Jay. Let us give back to you and all your friends that you have helped. I can't express how much you mean to me.
It shatters my world everyday thinking of not having you in it. Not an hour goes by, that I'm not thinking of you. Like I won't be able to call you for advice. Even if you and Mom laugh at me at least you are both smiling.
I'm sorry I never got married. You didn't get to walk your only daughter down the aisle. But you taught me to be picky. And I’m glad you did.
Or that you are the one major father figure for Mason. And I thank you so much for stepping up to that responsibility because that boy loves you. Maybe not as much as me. But I hope I have made you proud.
You are irreplaceable and the only person that can make everybody in the room laugh. I can't picture the rest of our lives without you, and I’m still praying for a miracle.
I will do everything I can to help Mom. So will Jay and Mason. But we both know that's not going to be something we can fix. I will take care of your boys the best I can.  You will see. I'm so much like my Daddy; therefore, I will do what it takes.
This is not a goodbye from me but a thank you for being the best father to me. Only God himself chose the perfect one and he did. And for that, I’m so blessed. My most favorite memory although there are tons, was the day I told you I was pregnant.  We were in your truck outside of Starbucks .  I was scared and crying feeling shamed . Then I finally told you. Thinking you would have a shocked facial expression. No instead you looked at me and said that's not a bad thing it's a wonderful thing.  Smiling, hugging me, holding me tight.  you started laughing .  You said girl you scared me I thought you were in legal trouble .  I felt so at ease and happy.  I went from crying to being excited.  The look on your face, the compassion and the joy you had is what made it special for me.  No one else made that moment the BEST moment of MY LIFE but you.  That little boy now almost a man loves u so much.  You were and are the father figure in his life.  So again daddy thank you so much for making me the proudest Daughter.  Amazing how you make everyone laugh while going through so much. Still always cracking a joke or picking on one of us.  Its ok to not have to always be strong for us.  Let us be your strength.  Because we love you and want you to lean on us.  I hope this will help some and we can do something you want to do for once.  It will not take the pain away .  As it will be unbareable a lot of the time.  Just show me your with us .  Lord knows I don't want to loose you.  I love you Dad so freaking much.  Always YOUR little girl.  We are too much alike and Im glad that I am too. I'm proud to be YOUR daughter.