Donate to Help Nicole Get Her Car Back and Find a Job!

Hi! I'm Nicole and I struggle with CPTSD due to childhood SA, and I'm also auDHD. I really struggle to function and have lost another job as a result, but I'm working my butt off to try to make it on my own so I don't have to claim disability. I was doing SO WELL for a long time, but it comes in waves, and unfortunately, I just hit a real big, nasty wave that has the potential to take me out completely.

Here's the situation I'm in:

The contract on my temporary job ended in October, and my ex was helping me with my bills while I'm between jobs, with the understanding that I'd pay him back when I finally found a job. However, we weren't able to make the car payment in time to avoid repossession.

He agreed to help me get it (and ALL OF MY CLOTHES) out of impound but instead he got drunk, demanded to talk about it on the phone, and blocked me when I asked to text instead because angry, loud men are a big trigger for me.

When I didn't answer the phone, he intentionally triggered my fight or flight AGAIN by blocking me and vanishing completely—something he absolutely knew my original abuser has done in the past to maintain control and manipulate me. He only texted me once, to blame me for my reaction to his abuse.

So now he has left me in an even deeper hole than when I began. I now have no car, no job, no clothes, no means to get groceries, and I'm relying on the grace of family and friends to carry me through. He refuses to help with anything whatsoever going forward just because he was too drunk to read my text messages and I was too scared to talk on the phone.

A little bit more about me:

I'd only dated this guy for about 9 months, and he gets angry and aggressive but he's never been violent. In fact, he's been the nicest, most amazing person and he has supported me through previous triggers. This time, he has filed an order of protection because I was worried he was dead and called too many times at the time of his disappearance. He was drunk, I was worried, and apparently that's harassment. I'm ALSO unable to make it to the court date without a car because my whole family works - which means I very well may spend time in jail if I can't get my car back.

I'm a single mom and I really need this car in order to see my daughter, who lives with her grandparents while I'm healing myself mentally. I also need the car to find a new job, as I live in a small, unwalkable suburb with a notoriously unreliable bus system.

I also need the car to go down to the city building to apply for assistance with my back rent and utility arrears, as I still haven't paid November's rent and I stand to be evicted soon.

I've been offered a couple of rides, but there are several days that I need to go downtown for assistance or job interviews, and no one is available to give me a ride those days.

Once I get my car back, I can start working again and catch back up in no time! I plan to see if I can get my past due rent and utility arrears covered by Erie County, but if I receive more than my goal, all extra will be applied to rent, of course.

I'm also already on food stamps, so I'm set there, if only I could get to a grocery store!

Here's the list of charges from impound to verify the amount I'm requesting:

This total is $2555—but I'm anxious they'll add more fees; they always find a way. Anything you can contribute will help me SO MUCH!! I'm trying so hard to heal, but it feels so impossible. If I don't reach the goal, all funds will be applied to the rent that I still owe.

I was SO SO SO close to feeling joy, to actual healing, to the relaxation of my vagus nerve. And now I'm even lower than I started in the first place. I managed to build it back up with some help last time, so I know I can do it again! Please consider donating to help me keep working on healing so I can bring my daughter back home to me.

I appreciate everyone who read this far. Even if it's out of your budget, thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to read my story. I feel like such a worthless excuse for a mother, but I'm eager to carry on and keep making the changes I need so she doesn't struggle as much as I have.

I love you all. Please stay safe and healthy.