Donate to Mia's Journey to Independence

A few weeks ago, I made the decision to leave my marriage. I have known for some time that this would be necessary, but I had hoped to save up some money and straighten out some shared financial responsibilities before breaking up. Unfortunately, I was unable to do so before the situation became untenable.

I left very suddenly. My friends came and helped me pack up, and drove me, my two cats, and what belongings we could carry halfway across the country to Los Angeles. I have not been back, and I do not expect I will get the chance.

What I have come to see is that there would have been no "saving up" in my situation, and that there was no "safe" way to initiate a break up on equal terms. My friends helped me to see that I just had to get out, and that I could get out, and then guided me through the monumental step of extracting myself for the situation. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and I would not have had the strength to do so without their support.

Now I am on the other side, free and safe and in charge of my own money, but with several lasting ties that still need to be severed. The remainder of our lease needs to be paid, and I do not believe I will see contribution from my husband. My car is partially under his name. I will need to get a divorce. Those expenses alone feel dizzying when I am still trying to secure a job. I will still need to feed myself. I will still need to feed my cats. One of them has asthma and needs daily medication to stay comfortable.

I have spent all of my life trying to be as little of a burden as possible, even in my marriage. It is difficult for me to ask for help even now. But my friends have helped me to see that no one should feel like a burden, and once I gain more stability, I hope to be like them and become part of a greater network of support for people in my position.

If you prefer, you can also Venmo me @mia-marcelle or CashApp me at $moosebrawn.