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My experience at the forget-me-not suite at Royal Stoke

The 17th December of last year was when I found out that I was pregnant with my first baby. It was exciting but scary. Me and my partner, Dec, had a lot of things to sort out but as time went on excitement grew more and more and I couldn’t wait to meet our mini-us.

I told my parents on Christmas Day because I just couldn’t hold it in for any longer! They were worried for us because we had so much to think about, but just like me and Dec they grew more excited and so did Dec’s family.

On the 17th February I had my 12 week scan and that’s when everything became real. I was so excited to be a mum! We were told by the lady who did my ultrasound that we had an absolutely perfect baby, that we could come back any time because she was just so well behaved. We couldn’t believe how clear the scan picture was! A perfect little button nose, a chubby little chin, and little outstretched legs. At the time, I really wished away the first 12 weeks because I just couldn’t wait for my first scan, to be able to see my baby and be able to share my excitement with everyone else.

On the 4th March, I went with my mum and bought the very first baby bits. A couple of bibs and a gorgeous little white comforter. I know that her grandparents would have spoiled her very much.

I couldn’t wait to see her again, so I booked an early 16 week scan for Tuesday the 21st March. This was when anyone’s worst nightmare became a reality. Thinking that we would be able to see how much progress she had made and how much she had grown, I was met with a very troubled looking sonographer. My amniotic fluid was very low which was a big concern. She told me that she had to refer me to a specialist at the hospital. All the fear of becoming a parent for the first time was replaced by a new fear that something was really wrong with my baby. Waiting until the Thursday to see the specialist felt like the most stressful, longest time.

Me and my partner Dec arrived at the hospital on the Thursday and were very nervous to see the specialist. He scanned me and was very quiet. He then told us to go and sit in a room across the hallway. Entering the room with a box of tissues on the table, I just remember feeling my whole heart sink into my stomach, wondering what was about to come. He told us that our baby had grown everything as she should, other than the fact that he couldn’t detect any kidneys. She had a condition called bilateral renal agenesis, which would be fatal for the baby. We drove the whole way back in silence, tears streaming down our faces. I didn’t know what was going to happen next.

I kept going for scans. A little bit of denial for what was actually happening, wanting to be one hundred percent sure that he was right, and just wanting to be able to see her again. Each time he came to the same conclusion. He gave me the choice i could either carry on with the pregnancy full term, however she would not survive after birth, or, I could end the pregnancy and give birth earlier. I was terrified but was determined that I wanted to spend every second I could with her, so at the time I decided that I wanted to carry on with the pregnancy. The weeks after were some of the hardest weeks of my life. I was happy that I got to spend time to bond with her but it was just heartbreaking knowing the outcome. After lots of conversations with my partner and loved ones, I decided that I just couldn’t go on any longer. Knowing that the more she grew, the less room she had with my low amniotic fluid. I couldn’t stand the thought of her being uncomfortable or in pain. We also found out at one of the later scans that she had fluid around the heart, so we made the very difficult decision to have her early.

I went into the Forget-me-not Suite at royal stoke on the 20th April to be induced. The staff went above and beyond during such a heartbreaking time for anyone. They were patient and empathetic when I may have been a little difficult but they were always more than understanding. We were told that there was no limit to our stay- that we could be there for however long that we felt like we needed to. The room was comfortable and not too clinical, which definitely made me feel a little more at ease. A printing of butterflies above the bed, which would be the start of the many butterflies we found and still find that remind us of our little girl.

Francesca-Mae Adams was born at 20 weeks and 6 days on the 21st April, 9:54am, weighing 300g. We received a memory box where we could keep printings of her hands and feet, two little memory bears, one of which we could keep and one would stay with Francesca-Mae, and many other thoughtful things. We were given the chance to have a blessing done for Francesca-Mae by the Chaplin which was such a lovely thought. We stayed for 3 days and after having family visit we decided that it was time for us to go home. We then were able to take Francesca-Mae home for a whole week with the help of the cuddle cot. We got a weeks worth of cuddles, stories and memories with Francesca-Mae that we would not have had the opportunity to take had it not been for the Forget-me-not Suite. I will forever be grateful to them for giving us the best experience as possible during such a sad time. It would mean the world to us if we can help another grieving family have the same experience as we had.

And so, we are raising money for the forget-me-not suite for them to spend the money wherever they see fit, whether it be for another cuddle cot to help a family take their baby home with them and make memories like we did, on the memory boxes so that families can cherish and keep those little things that make all the difference, or on the forget-me-not suite in general.

One of my fears is that no one will talk about or ask about Francesca-Mae and that to others she will be forgotten. That people would avoid me or be afraid to upset me, when in reality I just want everybody to know who Francesca-Mae is and that she is our beautiful daughter. We want to keep Francesca-Mae’s memory alive and make sure that she is never forgotten.

Any donation no matter how big or small makes all the difference, and we want to thank you for taking the time to read our story and donating to the cause.