Donate To The Toney's Surrogacy Journey

Hey everyone! It is no secret that Maria is currently undergoing chemotherapy. However, we are also starting a new journey. A surrogacy journey to start our family. With our sights set on the light at the end of the tunnel, we have recently found ourselves standing before yet another hurdle. Prior to moving to Norway and starting treatment, we tried to do everything we could to preserve Maria's eggs but we didn't have any time due to the severity of the diagnosis & prognosis. At that time, we were ok with it because we trusted the doctors, who informed us that these treatments would have no effect on her eggs or fertility,  and we also wanted Maria's life to come first. So we stopped our research and proceeded with chemotherapy. Unfortunately, they were wrong.

After speaking with the professionals, we were informed that Maria is unable to carry a child for the next few years due to what her body has been going through & her emergency surgery on her liver. But there is still a chance that Maria may also never be able to carry a child. The doctors told us that if Maria would carry a child, we could both put her own life at risk and also the unborn baby's. After going through months of treatment, we don't want to put Maria's body & life through more than it has to and it is important that her body heals and recovers. In addition, once she's done with her scheduled treatments, she is required to take CT scans regularly to monitor her body and to catch if there is any further spreading or changes with her cancer. Regular scans are very important and if Maria were to be pregnant, it would require us to take a break from the scans, which would be too dangerous. The professionals also informed us that after receiving 3 different types of chemotherapy drugs, Maria's eggs are most likely damaged and that her eggs would likely not be strong enough for a pregnancy. This left us both broken-hearted and upset and we needed some time to process everything. However, none of this changed the fact that we both still wanted to be parents. We looked into adoption, but it's nearly impossible for Maria and I to adopt anywhere in the world at this time and the wait list is insanely long.

 

So we have chosen surrogacy as our pathway into parenthood. We are looking to raise money to start a family using my DNA (Ryan) and either an egg from Maria's family, a friend or the donation bank. (Our goal is to find someone that looks closest to Maria).

The process is not easy. However, after many weeks of researching companies all over the world, and many consultations later, we believe we found the perfect company for us that guides us through the process of doing surrogacy in the United States.

We chose the US because they have the most experience when it comes to surrogacy. They have about a 99.3% success rate on pregnancies with first embryo transfers, they are very organized, strict, and cautious with all legal work. In addition, we can do a pre-birth order during the 2nd trimester (which legally states Maria & I are the legal parents at birth) and it is also important for us that our child can have a US passport and be given all the same rights as me (Ryan).

The agency that will be guiding us through this exciting process is located in Stockholm, Sweden. They are very experienced when it comes to legal work of bringing the child back to Scandinavia and obtaining residency & citizenship in Norway, which is a very important factor to us. 

The hardest and biggest challenge of all this is coming up with enough money to pay for our journey. Raising $170,000 will not be easy but we are looking to you for support. Why is it so expensive you may ask? A large portion (roughly 45-60%) of it goes to the wonderful surrogate carrying our baby. The other 40-55% goes to all the agency fees, paying for the birth, clinic fees, fees for creating the embryos, insurance, etc. Because the US has the most experience and doesn't have free healthcare, it comes with a high cost. But it is also the safest country for surrogacy due to its strict laws and education/experience. There are other countries that are cheaper but then it also comes with higher risks during pregnancy and we wouldn't be able to have any contact with the surrogate. The surrogate most likely wouldn't be able to speak any English and it would just be a mystery of what she's up to and how she's doing while she's pregnant and that just didn't sit well with us. We wanted to have a surrogate mother that is safe and that we can have a meaningful relationship with, so we can be as much part of the pregnancy journey as possible. 

Some of you might be wondering why are we starting this process now? That’s a great question! The reason we are starting this now is that this is not a fast and simple process. It takes a few months to do the paperwork and for me to get tested, a few months to find an egg donor and create the embryos, a few months to find the surrogate, a few months for the surrogate to be in a cycle in order to get pregnant, and then the long & exciting 9-month pregnancy. The entire process can take between 18-24 months. Nearly 2-3x longer than a regular pregnancy, so it is important to start planning early. In addition, surrogates are popular and we don’t want to get stuck on a very long waiting list. 

If any of you have a child/children you know that it’s a love that no one can ever experience until having a child of your own. You know that your children become your everything and your entire world. Maria and I have both wanted to be parents individually since we were really young and it’s something we have greatly bonded over the years we have been together. Since we got married, we have been counting down the days until we got to start trying ourselves for a family. Originally, before Maria got her diagnosis, we were going to start trying for a family this fall. We certainly still will try for a family, but it’s going to look a little different than we first had planned. It’s going to be safe and through surrogacy. With that, we are asking you to please donate if you can and as often as you can to help make our dream come true. Our desire to become parents is bigger than anyone could ever imagine. We hope that this touches your heart and encourages you to donate to us. We are SO EXCITED for this entire process and can’t wait for the day that we get to hold our baby in our arms.