Dukesys Cancer Fund....

Tell Dukes story.....it should break my heart but his story just makes me smile so big and feel so complete.

January 30, 2016, I randomly googled "Red Golden Retrievers, Waco Texas". Hours before I read all about Goldens and the field vs confirmation and every single thing about the Field variation of the Golden appealed to me but mostly I wanted a red coat since BehrBehr is blonde. I wanted the contrast. So, I googled and the first link was puppyfind.com which I have no idea if that is even a website anymore and you know, its probably not a site for what everyone would scream and shout "Great Breeder". I didn't care because Dukes picture was the very first one that showed up when the page loaded and at that exact moment I saw him, it was identical to what I thought and felt when I found BehrBehr posted on facebook. I just absolutely HAD to have him. I called the breeder and he said he still had 4 males available, I asked if we could bring BehrBehr because it was the most important that BehrBehr pick his puppy and the guy said "yeah, thats not a problem at all!", I obviously had already decided we would be getting BehrBehr a little brother so I called Ryan right after to inform of our evening plans. I specifically told him "It doesn't matter which puppy we like the most. Its BehrBehrs decision. Whichever puppy BehrBehr plays with and shows the most interest is the one we will get. BehrBehr gets to pick his brother, bottom line". We both left work early to meet at the house and get BehrBehr so we could see the puppies. We got there and the most beautiful, deep red Golden came running up to greet us so sweetly and that classic golden lean against your legs. The man came over and said "This is Amber, she is the mother of the current litter. They're 7 weeks old so they need to stay one more week until they can leave. But theres 4 right here are still available, and then I have this 1 male from the last litter that is still available. Im surprised he hasnt been adopted yet (No, it was not Duke)". and he proceeded to open up this xpen and 3 puppies were wrestling and came tumbling out and then the 4th one just came out doing his own thing, sniffing and exploring. BehrBehr was doing the same...sniffing and his own thing. The last male from the other litter really like BehrBehr. His name was Buster and he had a bit of a curly coat that Ryan really liked and he kept saying "he really likes BehrBehr" and I said "yeah, but BehrBehr isnt engaging with him. We agreed. BehrBehr picks no matter what." BehrBehr kept walking and sniffing and we followed behind him and then BOOP! He and Duke walked right into each other face on and BehrBehr INSTANTLY went into a play bow and I looked at Ryan and said "He's the one". Of course, a small 7 week old puppy got a little startled from a rather large dog play bowing to him and he ran off to the tree a few feet behind where they met and he started chewing on a tree branch. I walked over (not knowing it was Duke, the one I instantly feel in love with when I saw his picture online), I picked him up and it was as if I had time traveled back to March 18, 2013....when I held BehrBehr for the first time. I felt EXACTLY the same and I knew Duke was the one for us. BehrBehr knew exactly what he was doing. And in that moment holding Duke for the first time, I told him the exact same thing I told BehrBehr when I first held him:

"I promise to give you the very best life possible. You will always be happy, healthy and have everything you need and I will love you with every single piece of my soul".

Honestly, I was HORRIFIED to bring Duke home. I worried so much that BehrBehr would feel like I was replacing him or some nonsense. I actually worried that I wouldn't be able to love Duke the way I loved BehrBehr and that it wouldn't fair. I have never been more wrong in my life.

A week later we got to bring Duke home and I'd never seen BehrBehr happier. I had never been so challenged before! Duke was crazy smart, creative, sneaky, silly, just a happy goofball that enjoyed every single moment. All my worries disappeared immediately. His first trip to South Bosque, Dr. Ferguson came in and said "I cannot believe YOU actually got another dog. I swore Behr would be your only one ever but I can see why you added Duke!" He was flawless. Perfectly behaved. Didn't mind a thing in the exam, didn't care about the shots or anything. He was born with a carefree, go with the flow spirit. Something I have always loved and admired of him.

Over the years....I have a story for anything and everything. Good, bad, sad, crazy, ridiculous, unbelievable....He's the full package. I won't say he quickly became the light of my life because I really believe he was born to be the light of my life. We have been through SO much over the years and no matter how horrible I felt, or down, anything....simply looking at him makes me smile and feel a special inner peace that only he can give me. I've hit rock bottom more than once but it was never completely dark because Du was always there saying "let it go, mama. Who cares? Lets just be happy and have fun". And he would run around like a goof, fall down and roll over while trying to catch his tail and growling at himself, get up, shake it off and usually end up in a pool, sprinkler, water hose.

My favorite thing about Dukesy.....literally everything.... but if I had to pick ONE single thing...his strength and how he is the light at the end of the tunnel when the world goes dark.....but God, I am not ready for my world to go dark...it is too soon. It is way too soon.

I asked Ryan his favorite thing about Duke and he said how silly he is. And he isn't wrong. It's that silly in him that always keeps you smiling and laughing and feeling good no matter what.

BehrBehrs favorite thing? I can't speak for BehrBehr but I know he loves taking care of Duke and being protective. He loves being a big brother. They are so similar but so different. Truly, they were made for each other. They are DuBehry.

Duke was born December 6, 2015. He came home February 5, 2016. He was actually BehrBehrs birthday present.

And now we are here...

April 30, 2024 at 1:01pm my phone started to ring and it was South Bosque. The second I heard Dr.Zs voice I knew it wasn't just a sprained toe like I had been telling myself. I could hear him holding the emotions back the best he could. Hes been through EVERYTHING with Duke. Has already saved him twice. He started talking and explaining things and I just said "Osteosarcoma. Thats what it is..." and he took a deep breath and said "Yeah...". I was at Home Depot and I just fell to the floor and completely broke down. Dr. Z continued talking and explaining things and I texted Ryan and told him to come to Home Depot NOW and I'm sure he knew then, too. I knew the entire time from when he first started not bearing full weight on his back left leg but I didn't want to believe it. I couldn't. Duke is my little boy. The light of my life and hes only 8. He doesnt even have any signs of a sugar face...and he had already been through SO much with his GI issues when he was younger, I really believed we would get a pass by some miracle...but, there is a reason for everything as much as I hate to admit that.

I think this is bullshit. And I truly do not know how to explain how I feel.

Why Duke? Why our little boy!? We did everything right....EVERYTHING. But we dont have control over genetics. Even if I knew back on Jan 30, 2016 that this is where we would be today, I wouldn't change a single thing because Duke is the absolute best thing that has ever blessed our family.

I know how science. I know what all the studies say and how they all come to a similar conclusion...but Science can be wrong....has been wrong...and it is always changing..

I know my little boy. I know how strong he is. I know how much life he has left in him and a year? No.....he has so much more than that....Duke will be the exception. Regardless, I have promised him a wonderful life that is filled with happiness, fun, care free adventures and that is what we will ensure he has every single day moving forward weather it is only for about a year or several more.

End of the day, however, he will never suffer. He will never know what its like to be alone. He will be loved as he always has been until beyond the end of time.

I know and I understand how life is a roller-coaster for everyone at one point or another. I don't have exact numbers as of right now. All I have is a general best estimate/idea of typical cost for this situation which we have been told ranges from $15,000-$20,000. It could be a million dollars.....I will never put a limit on my boys. One way or another I will figure it out.

I do not have the words to thank you now, later, or ever in regards to a donation to help us but more so in how you love Duke enough to help...the single most important thing to me is that he knows he is so very loved by so many and he has made such a impact on SO many people. He has changed my life for the better in so many ways....and I know he has done so for his BehrBehr and his daddy too. Even the little idiot, Squish....

Most importantly, I believe positive thoughts, vibes, feelings, prayers....whatever one may believe in, will help. Because the end of every day when we go to bed, I always tell Du how much he is loved. And who knows....maybe all that will be the difference. But again, I know my little boy. He is a fighter, he is strong, he has beaten the odds before and I really do believe he will be the exception in this case.

As such, I will keep everyone updated on Facebook mostly and those without facebook, I will do my best to reach out individually but my focus will be elsewhere moving forward. And I do apologize for that. But I promise to do my best.

If you don't mind sharing, that can make a huge difference in raising funds. There are several other avenues I will be exploring in forms of other fundraisers, grants, I'm planning a garage sale (we need to get rid of stuff anyway), end of the day if I have to stop my masters degree, sell my car, whatever....I will. We will fight this until we can no longer fight....

In my whole life...there havent been very many things that I have been proud of of good at or even fully enjoyed, to be honest but being Dukeys mom has been the best part of my life so far and I'm not ready for that to end. I never will be ready for it to end.

To everyone that has loved this little boy near and far, those that have never even met him but admire and love him....thank you for loving him. I know he feels it.

From Dukeys Song by of course, no other than Harry Styles:

Yesterday, it finally came, a sunny afternoon

I was on my way to buy some flowers for you (ooh)

Thought that we could hide away in a corner of the heath

There's never been someone who's so perfect for me...

There's just no gettin' through

Without you

A bottle of rouge

Just me and you...."

April 30 - Confirmed diagnoses of Osteosarcoma in the back left leg, HAS NOT yet spread beyond the ankle area.

May 9 - Back Left Leg Amputation

Chemo Start Date TBD but probably pretty quickly after amputation...will update accordingly