Ember's Rape Recovery Fund

THANK YOU IN ADVANCE FOR YOUR KINDNESS & GENEROSITY :)

Ra Ma Da Sa Sa Say So Hung 
May our collective vision of light and love bring healing to the the darkness and pain.
Wahe Guru.

My name is Ember, & I need your help.

* * * * * * *
On June 8th, 2013, someone raped me at a house show in Athens, Georgia. I go back and forth between wanting the exact nature of the injuries I sustained to be public or not; all I feel comfortable sharing, right now, is that I was in excruciating pain and bled on and off for days. I realising that I could not heal on my own, I had no choice but to schedule surgery with my gynaecologist.

As hard as I tried to brush that night from my consideration & memory,  the truth weighed down on me & my world felt very lonely & very dark. I grew panicked & depressed, & spent countless nights staring at the ceiling, secretly hoping the nearby train would de-rail & destroy my house, taking me down in the rubble & ending my pain for good. It's hard to admit that I felt that lost & dark. I didn't know where to funnel my hurt -- my anger, my frustration, my bitterness -- & I definitely burned some precious bridges. I'm grateful to all those who were patient & hopeful for me.

I initially told friends (and even family) that I had been hurt in a bicycle accident. I was advised to pay off my medical bills as fast as possible. Eager to move on & terrified to admit what had happened, I never asked for help. I was far too anxious to apply for financial aid from the hospital when I first had my surgery because I didn't want to tell the story. I was very afraid. I feared that they would open an investigation, that they wouldn't find enough evidence, that they wouldn't believe me, that they'd blame me, that they'd see my nose ring & tattoos & assume I had wildly "asked for it", or that they'd merely hear that my rapist was a woman and discredit the whole thing. I feared that the conservative courts of my home-state would ignore me, that she would get away with it all. I was terrified that I would have wasted my time, effort, & energy seeking justice. Those fears still feel very real, today. This has been a humiliating & horrifically invalidating experience, & I was simultaneously too afraid & numb to open up about my story for a long time. It took many months before I felt ready to tell my own mother.

At the time of the assault, I was working for a medical massage company, where I would travel with a team around the country to work at various home & trade shows. It paid well, & I imagined that I could pay off my bills quickly & quietly & never have to worry about it again. I started picking up as many shows as I could, sometimes driving hundreds of miles for just a few days of work. I stretched myself dangerously thin, burned out fast, & quit. I began working as a janitor, as a babysitter, & as a nanny for two different families. It added up to a total of 83 hours a week. Burned out real quick. Again.

That's where GoFundMe comes in. I know I can't really put a price on my heart or on my potential, but I also know that I cannot meet this one tangible goal without turning to people for help. The stress of the calls from collections, my slowly crumbling credit score, and the "being on the brink"-ness, at all times, is a constant reminder of the injustice of that evening. I want to rebuild, bit by bit, and then pour our combined, hopeful love back into the community. Before setting up this page, I had paid $11K of the $22K I owed.

I'm not trying to get that money back. I paid it, & I wanted to honour my spirit of tenacity (well, stubornness) and do this for myself. I needed to redefine, for my own healing. But, I *do* hope to raise $8,000, in order to pay off some of my remaining bills & to embrace a full spirit of peace & healing [part of that includes moving to the beach] WITHOUT feeling compelled to find a fourth job.

I'm not sure what else to say, here. Thank you very much for reading, and thank you in advance for your generosity. I cannot do this without you.

* * * * * * *
I want to dedicate a big old paragraph to honour & thank the individuals in my life who have been nothing but supportive & loving throughout this trial: to Jacob, my darling Bobo, my sweet & brilliantly talented friend, the first friend I told & the first friend to put a hand on my knee & offer the prospect of hope; to Maizy, Katie, Koko & Mina for letting me rest in their home after my surgery, for feeding me, & for their raw & healing honesty; to Mike Rubio & Austin Taylor, for hearing my story, seeing me, believing in me, & loving me all the same; to Desi, Luke, & Ana for sharing their perspectives, their wisdom, & their hearts;  to Chelsea, Mary Kaitlin, Joy & Blair, for talking on the phone, visiting me, going out to eat, & reminding me how to laugh, again; to Kimberlyand Charlie  for reminding me that I deserve both love & justice; to Elizabeth & Thom, for their company & kindness, & for hiring me / adopting me to nanny their beautiful son; to Ezra,  aka Bug-Bug, for being the sweetest, happiest baby, who laughs at my cry-face & reminds me that everything is as it should be; to Mouse, for being such a wonderfully spastic & affectionate cat who stands on my butt whenever I cry in bed & gives me massages; to David & Michelle, Singer & Silas, for being so perfectly wild, honest, & beautiful; to Jason, for loving me; to Cal, most especially, & to Chanda, Johnny, Meg, & all of the
Rubber Soul Yoga Revolution instructors for fostering such a safe but powerful energy centre for our community; to Madala, Adrienne, Gillian & Leeza for being so fair, so honest, & so empathetic, & for reminding me that I am not alone; to Lauren & Matt & Drew & Pete for being my Athens family; to all of the Town & Gown Players, most especially Dustin, and to all of my fellow RENT (and Pippin) cast members for performing with me & filling my evenings with music & dance & challenge;  & finally, to You who reads this: for your vitality, your choice to live, today, for your hope, & for your generosity. 

* * * * * * *

If you have questions, please message me!  PLEASE share my page :)

Happy Spring!

Namaste